Saying Sorry

I'm usually the first one to apologize in most situations, and 98% of the time I mean it with full sincerity. I usually feel like I'm the one in the wrong, regardless of what's happening, and I blame my ex-Catholic guilt.

 

Preach preach preach preach.

8 years of Catholic school - enough to realize you're an atheist, but still be guilty for everything for no reason.

 

I think the biggest mistake I make is feeling guilty—and feeling the need to be sorry—for who I am. That doesn't do anyone any good, but I've seen myself doing that all too often lately.

 

I'll usually say "I'm sorry, but it's not my fault"

Got all the bases covered that way. And I feel great afterwards.

 

I do this. I do sometimes say "sorry" for events that I had no control over, but that is more of a "I'm sorry that this is something you're going through." Until recently, I wouldn't have found this annoying. I was seeing a guy about a year and a half ago. The relationship ended, but I had a co-worker that would constantly ask if I had heard from him or seen him and then "Oh, I'm sorry!" I'm still not sure how I was supposed to take all that.

If it's something serious -Yes, I resent it.
Not to serious, I remember it. I might not fully trust that person again, but I try to let it go and give them a second chance. "Try" being the operative word.

 

While I do have a stubborn streak that doesn't want to apologize for some things, Borla's post above largely describes my approach.

 

A few people have suggested to me, "Quit being sorry!". Its embarrassing, and then I apologize for that too.
Geez.

 

I sometimes apologize. If it's something I'll do again and again, I probably won't. I just accept my less than stellar behavior. I change what I perceive as wrong and hope to not do jackassed stuff again.

My brother ( the one who committed suicide ) was always crying about the way he treated me growing up. I told him I didn't want an apology, that I'd be fine with him not being an asshole from now on. Apparently his apologies for his actions didn't work for him either.

Words are wind, etc...

 

I right there with you JewelsMari on this one.

 

It really depends on who I'm supposed to be saying sorry to. If it's my fault and I know it? I'm pretty quick to apologize. But if it's the other's fault and they refuse to acknowledge it, I'll get my revenge. I never apologize if I believe it's not my place to, and revenge is usually waited so long for, they forgot why I'm getting back at them. Once, my younger sister got in a fight with me- I forget what it was about- that resulted in me taking her I-phone and creating shortcuts changing certain words into other words on texts, emails, or any other phone typing.
For example, I changed its -> it's and vice versa, there -> their, their ->they're, they're -> there, is -> am, am -> are, are ->is, along with many others that made her look illiterate and dumb. It was awesome, and she didn't know how to change it back for about 3 months.

 

I apologize if I'm sorry for something I've done and have made a commitment to myself not to do it again. Whether or not I end up disappointing myself and others by repeating the behavior is neither here nor there. It's the energy I put into the consideration of my behavior that counts, for me anyway. In a perfect world an apology should be the result of some soul searching and a desire not to inflict my "whatever" on "whomever" again.

If there's no inner conversation and decision to change a behavior, an apology is worthless to me and the person I'm apologizing to (as is the apology that comes my way thoughtlessly) so I rarely if ever apologize if I don't mean it.

I will however, apologize frivolously to keep things moving forward, in cases where, even though I know I'm in the right, the person I'm up against is rigidly standing their ground and freezing up the works. This normally occurs in working situations where the job and my responsibilities to it are more important than the ego-obsessed drama queen who refuses to let things get back to normal until he or she gets an apology. I don't feel any loss of pride for doing so, it's merely the means to an end.

As far as refusing to apologize even though I know I've been in the wrong....I can't for the life of me decide where the reward for me would be in that scenario. It may turn out that I don't end up apologizing, for a slew of reasons, but I doubt I would feel good about it.

 

I don't know why, but I started thinking about that earlier tonight. You're totally right, too– I usually only have this problem with my family, and have gotten a bit better about it now, but it has not in any way benefitted me. Ever. I realized it's most likely the way I was raised. My parents would never apologize for what they thought wasn't their fault, so nearly every fight I ever entered with them as a child ended with me having to swallow my pride and say sorry for whatever the topic of conflict was, even if it honestly wasn't my fault. But that's a mean way to live, waiting out your arguers. So I'm going to try to improve myself and end fights and drama fast, unless somebody commits a serious grievance against me or somebody I love, in which case fuck them. I like Borla's response. I'll try to do that more often.

 

Relevant:

 

If I'm in the wrong, I will sincerely apologize. No fudging, no half-assing, no qualifiers, just a sincere apology.

On the flip side, if I'm blamed for something that isn't my fault, I'll dig in my heels. But I'll do so nicely--"I can see why this situation is a problem and upsets you, and I'll do eveything I can do help. Please realize that I had nothing to do with it." Not letting bosses get away with putting the blame on me has led to problems.

 

i apologize 99% of the time wether im right or wrong. i do it just to keep the peace. its wrong and i know it but oh well. after almost 16 years of marriage my wife has said "im sorry" one time

 

Quick story.
My oldest wasn't a huge fan of her little sister when they were little (they are best buds now) and I came into their bedroom one day to see the toddler crying with her sister doing something that looked like bending her hand backwards.
I swatted my youngest and rescued her sister from obvious torture.
We don't do physical punishment in my house except for things that involve physical pain, like walking out in the road with oncoming cars or torturing your sister.
Turns out I was wrong.
The toddler had caught her hand in the floor grate and her sister had just got it out.
I was a smuck.
So I went back and apologized.

Years later my kiddo told me that was an important point for her.
She had told her friends about it and they were stunned.
They had never heard of a parent saying they were sorry.
So I guess I did something right.