Responsibility?

Quite the opposite. I don't beat myself up about my wife's mother at all, but I know, at some point, it's going to be an issue with my wife and that's why I am selfish. My wife, I care about.

 

I've been kind of avoiding this thread because it's something I've avoided thinking about. My wife's parents are/will be fine, they're still lively, have a good retirement fund, and are the type that like to take care of themselves. My parents, on the other hand, to be as nice as I can about it, are kind of a wreck.

My dad has been on disability since I was young. He used to be a quite good mechanic, but a combination of stomach ulcers, migraine headaches, arthritis, and most recently some sort of autoimmune disorder have made him pretty incapable of holding a job. My mom has been jumping from crappy job to crappy job for as long as I can remember. That's sort of not true, I think she's been working at the same place now for almost 10 years, but that doesn't make it any less of a crappy job, now it's just a crappy job she has seniority at. They're both an emotional mess. My dad has struggled with depression, and my mom is... something. I'm not a specialist at mental disorders, and she refuses to get treatment, but I suspect based on my limited knowledge of the field that it's some sort of manic depression and/or borderline personality. I love her to death, but she can be hell to deal with. They have been threatening to divorce each other on and off since my childhood (I moved out 13 years ago) and I honestly don't know how they're still together.

In the event that they do divorce, I'm not sure how well either of them would do at taking care of themselves. In the event that they stay together, they'll eventually get old enough to need help, and don't make enough money to stay afloat, much less put away any for retirement. Like I said, I avoid thinking about it, because I don't know if I would be able or willing to take care of either or both of them.

Financially, I'm just beginning to be stable enough, and I know I need to start putting away towards our retirement. Geographically, I move around the country every 2-3 years, and taking trips back home often is financially prohibitive. And in the event that I had to take one of them in, I'm not sure I'd be able to deal with them in the long term.

I'm kind of rambling, and I guess, ultimately when the time comes, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I love them both, but I don't know how much of myself I'm going to be able and willing to put forth when the time comes.