Pointless Announcements

So... turns out hiring movers is like losing your virginity.

All sorts of odd relief and shameful anxiety and sweating.

OH-HO, THEY BETTER NOT FUCK UP MY COUCH.

 

I am constantly disappointed that the United States does not still offer a $500 bill.

New one: They could put JFK on the front and a creepy Masonic D.C. map on the back.

Gangsta rap stars and drug dealers would quickly make it must-have flashy for 2012.

Edit: Not even gonna lie, I totally had to look up who the hell Salmon P. Chase was.

 

This place needs more naked time.

 

You in your office or the user base of TFP?

I really hope you're talking about TFP because we all know how unattractive ballsack-on-leather-swivel-chair can be.

...and that was the last time I ever posted teh newdz on Reddit.​

 

Both. Neither. That and more.

 

Mother of Allah, you sound like my exwife. You take negotiating lessons from her?

...

So, what are you doing to motivate the otherwise pants'd members of TFP to disrobe?

I'd come up with a challenge but I can't get people to participate in the non-TEx variety.

 

I'm simply making pointless announcements. It's been far too long for me, and I'm feeling it today.

Besides, I don't have much faith in my motivating-to-get-someone else-naked skills in general. They rarely work.

 

But you've got like nine kids. Either she's got a football pushing fetish or you're a regular Don Juan.

Me? I like to think of my TFP admin/mod team as a bunch of goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus.

 

There are many times when I feel like my penis is extinct. Does that help?

 

You missed the obvious "rock hard" referrence too.

Were you standing too close to something when it blew up?

 

What, you want me to carry the entire "That's what she said!" joke line today?

Are you not entertained with my current product? Do you need more nipples?

I've got a funny story about that, too.

 

You usually do carry the entire line. Sort of like how when you hear the oboe in "Peter and the Wolf" you know it's the goose.

Nipples, as always are welcome, although they seem about as mythical as Jesus these days.

 

It's a secret from her. I haven't made it a secret that I don't like the stroganoff, but she keeps making it, and I keep ( usually ) eating it.