Pointless Announcements

Gold's Gym suxx0rz. Or however you crazy webinated kids say it.

 

My desk is a mess and it's driving me nutty. To the Shredder!

Does anyone else get a jolly from such a machine?

 

I do, but that's mainly because people do stupid shit with them and end up hurting themselves. Which makes the product liability insurance that much more expensive.

As soon as you make something idiot-proof, god comes along and builds a better idiot.

 

My wife—the self-proclaimed least handy person alive—apparently just bought a bunch of new faucets without consulting me first.

My inner control freak is going absolutely apoplectic right now.

 

I hate plumbing, especially 'surprise' plumbing.

Good luck!

 

I still have all of my fingers. Didn't wear a tie today, so nothing happened there either.

 

Sleeves are also dangerous. So is long hair.

 

You wanna get that drink tonight?

 

This almost happened to me once with my personal shredder. My hair isn't long anymore, so no problems there.

My boobs tend to get me in trouble, but not this kind of trouble.

 

I've never seen a claim involving boobs and shredders, unless it involves the entire body, but that would be more of an industrial chipper product than a shredder most likely.

ZombieSquirrel, I'm interested in how your boobs get you in trouble. Do tell.

 

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...maybe.

 

they have caused me to knocked things off of shelves.

What? Were you expecting me to talk about how I get in trouble for indecent exposure?

 

I'm a guy and therefore a moron. So, yes, that's what I was hoping.

 

I was having a good chat with my financial advisor about my Roth-IRA and buying other stock in the future. Does that mean I am a boring person or did I just turn into what is known as an adult?

 

Unlikely. I've been throwing money into an IRA since I was 24 and I'm hardly an adult.

 

In all seriousness, you probably have the most adult job here.