Pointless Announcements

My kids would get nothing for X-mas and like it.

/never going to be a father

 

Why are we friends?

 

Ummm, something to do with being really kickass, and hetero life partners, and like, love and shit.

 

snowy,

Holiday crap generally makes me feel like chucking my lunch on the nearest raging mall parent.

If I had kids I would make it clear that things cost money and introduce more practical holidays.

I've motivated teenagers with machine guns, I think I can motivate a child to enjoy New Socks Day.

 

You know that Base died in a tragic escalator accident, don't you? So it would just be Ace of Some Random Dude.

They should have Ace of Vanilli instead.

 

Unnfff.

Sorry, you just hit my g-spot.

...I'm wearing SmartWools right now.

 

Customer just stopped in with the name of Alan Parsons. I could not hide a big, goofy smile as I checked him in.

So, yeah, I have totally named this DVD conversion the Alan Parsons Project.

 

Fuck Toys R Us. Seriously.

I made the mistake of going into one the other day. The fumes of all that plastic was enough to make me want to stab someone. The toys on offer, for the most part, were cheap crap. There were a few old school board games and some "educational" toys that looked okay, but I was in too much of a hurry to get out before that brain worm of a theme song got stuck in my head.

Do they really need to play it while you are in the store? Fuck sakes, I here! You don't need to sell me anymore.

 

Nerd Alert!

God, how do you walk upright with all that nerdiness?

 

Back brace.

 

Don't ask me, that's how it goes. 'Cause part of me knows what you're thinkin'.

 

I'm an undercover nerd. Don't tell anybody.

...

I buy all my SmartWool stuff off SierraTradingPost.com. It's "factory seconds" but I have yet to come across a pair that doesn't look perfect. You might wanna check it out, dawg.

 

I usually avoid it like the plague. I got suckered in by my daughter. She caught me with a belly full of brunch. Dragged into the cesspool on the pretense of getting a colouring book for our trip.

The smell of plastic and something called a Monster High doll snapped me out of it.

 

I would LOVE a New Socks Day! Will you be my daddy?

Wait, that sounds weird.

 

If I had a child and it was a girl... I would be afraid that it would be like you.

Awful nightmares about my current girlfriend getting pregnant and the child being female.

I have a bit of experience with, uh, Shaping Traditional Male Values. I have zero experience with girls.