No Children

Yeah it makes no sense, why did we both go through the awful experience of grad school in engineering fields and, especially my fiancee, get really good jobs just to get harangued for not just saying "screw my hard earned career, it's baby making time".

 

lurkette and I were intentionally childless for most of our lives. There's a hereditary illness in her family that we didn't want to risk passing along, and I've never wanted kids, ever since I was really young.

When stellaluna joined our family 9 years ago, she knew kids were on her wish list, and we knew it would be something we'd need to sort out. Then I watched her with my little nephew and something clicked, and I realized I needed to get her one of those.

Our daughter turns 2 next month. She's amazing. All those horrible cliches I hated so much when I was childfree are absolutely true. I never knew I could love so much. She brings a purpose to my life that I didn't know was missing. Blah blah blah, but it's absolutely true.

Two things I really recommend: I was 38 when she was born. My finances are pretty steady, my sense of myself and my confidence in myself and my place in the world are pretty solid. I can't imagine trying to do this at 22. God bless those who do. Second: If you can swing it to have the household consist of one toddler and three parents, that works pretty well.

 

I am looking forward to my second one moving out. It's only another 5 years away.

Yes, we'll still have kids but they will live elsewhere.

 

Having kids didn't seem to hold us back much.

 

I made the choice in my early twenties not to have children. I was career oriented, had lots of personal interests that kept me busy and didn't have room in my life for a child. At that time, I was also partying a lot and that is not the lifestyle to raise children in. To further enforce not procreating, I married a woman who had ovarian cancer at an earlier time in her life and only had 1/8th of an ovary left, and pregnancy would be complicated by the fact that she also has a tipped uterus, making it difficult for the little spermies to hit their target without a curve in their flight path.

It was set. I prepared myself emotionally for a life without children. I wasn't complaining because we didn't have to worry about birth control of any kind because a few doctors had told us that it was highly unlikely that she would conceive and if she did her uterus was in such bad shape that she would likely miscarry. Then one day she tells me she was pregnant. I was shocked, but given the doctor's take on it, I expected her to miscarry. Well it got to be ten weeks and she hadn't miscarried yet. We had to decide if we were going forward or taking a trip to planned parenthood.

Well, someone called the conception a miracle birth and that was all it took to unravel all of those plans living the couple's lifestyle. I could envision sex drying up, midnight bottle feeds, diaper changing, right on up thru the snotty teenage years. It really nearly tore us apart. Eventually, I came around and got on board with the program, but the damage was done. She never forgave me for not instantly shifting gears and discarding my life plan. I tried to tell her that just as it takes nine months to become a mother, it also takes nine months to become a father too, but she is the vindictive sort and held it over my head.

Much to my surprise, I loved the baby and turned out to be a good father, in spite of my earlier fears. My wife continued to carry on her partying ways and became a shit mother until it was apparent that it was time to divorce. Afraid she wouldn't get custody of our daughter, she joined AA and did win custody. However, she was always gone to meetings leaving my daughter to fend for herself as a nine year old and thru her teen years. My ex is still sober to this day, but my daughter was scarred by growing up a latch key kid and having no parental support, except on the weekends when she was mine.

The moral to this story is that given all of your fears, doubts and per-conceived notions of parenthood, you can be a good parent and enjoy your life raising a child. I have lived ashamed that I wanted to abort that beautiful little girl. I will never let myself live that down. She grew up to be a great mother and parent. So, give yourself a chance. Once you see that little baby who looks a lot like you and you realized that they are an extension of yourself, your parent, grand parent, and your lover, it is difficult not to love them and make it work.

 

Well, Cynthetia, if you are so comfortable with the choice you made, why the fuck are you asking for our opinions? Apparently you were only looking for validation of a decision that you had already made. If you weren't open to the opinions of others, then why waste my time asking me to share? DUH!!!

 

I had two boys. last one moved out last month. He's 25. I'd like to have my life back at 52 yrs old and enjoy the rest of it. But NOOOO.... got to repair a coolant leak in my Sons car this Sunday, my only day off. When I'd rather be doing something I enjoy! Like?

 

That Bingo card needs a square for "Haha, did you just make a Darwin Award joke? Because you're totally going to win one, nonbreeder."

Seriously though. If you don't want kids, don't fucking have them. It's cool. I get that the advice haughty parents give to nonparents is obnoxious. The thing you find out about these other parents when you have kids is that you can't get away from their unsolicited advice even by having kids. Then you just get totally shitty, off-point advice about what you're doing wrong with your kids.

 

As per my earlier note, I have two and am looking forward to the second leaving home. I am selfish. I want to enjoy a similar lifestyle to Cyn while I am still young.

 

Yeah, me too. I'm trying to enjoy them while they're here while also looking forward to them living on their own. I've got a ways to go yet.

 

I like how the bingo card is racist with its "White People Aren't Having Enough Kids" block.

I was totally unaware that People of Color (TM) are having "enough" or "too many" kids.

...

I like how the bingo card is sexist with its "Childbirth is a Woman's Greatest Achievement" block.

I was totally unaware that women primarily define themselves by their ability to push out a screamer.

...

*gets back in canoe, continues rowing*

 

I still think there should be a lot more people who don't have children. I wonder how much of this type of reproduction is happening in this country & the world?


View: https://youtu.be/U8rhIZJAdd0

 

No kids here, took steps to prevent it with both my wife and I. Neither of us wanted them, then she suffered a brain aneurysm so that was completely off the table.

Both of our families handled the no kids news well as we were both adamant from childhood that we didn't want them...you just know... Friends always ask why, but nobody questions when you mention an aneurysm survivor

 

I have 3 sons.

 

Facebook is flooded with back-to-school photos of everyone's kids this week. Still doesn't make me want any. It makes me laugh, because I know their hair looked like that for as long as it took to get the picture... And not much longer