Newbie

I think it's hard to wrap your head around this concept of being open, at first. Then it seems to make sense. My spouse is warming up to the idea, but I am not sure he's there yet. He recently agreed that I could start with women and he would love to be part of it. Where do you start? How do I help my partner wrap his head around this? (I do realize and respect that it's each of our on decision to jump in).

 

There are studies showing that swingers (nonmonogamous couples) have better marriages, on the average, than non-swingers.

 

Also: could you tell us about the "Open" book you mentioned? Have you seen the book Sex at Dawn?

 

Big of him to agree to MFM threesomes.

Thats sarcasm btw, thats about every mans dream.

The unusual aspect of this is that 90% of the time its the man trying to get his wife to swing. I'm not sure how that dynamic works in reverse as I never needed to be convinced. For that matter my wife didn't really need to be convinced either, she just needed to be properly asked.

I would guess and, and its only a guess but a very swinger educated one, that the male mind would find their partner asking for extra martial sex more threatening then a man asking a woman. You don't need to get him to wrap his head around it but just think about it. His head will do all the wrapping (both big and small). You might be able to help this with "swinger friendly" porn. I'd recommend the original dinner party, thats the one that got my wife started.

Dinner Party, The (Ultimate) (1994) | Adult DVD Empire

As a side note I'm slightly horrified that the porn that got us really started on the road to swinging is now considered "vintage".

 

Too late to edit it seems but thats FMF not MFM threesome

 

The book is called "Open, love,sex, life in an open Marriage", by Jenny Block. Block explains how she transitioned to an open marriage, how she functions now, and also takes a look at the sociological institutions that shape our beliefs. I thought it was interesting and made sense. Street Pattern, I will probably take a look at the book you suggested. Thanks!

 

I'll be honest, if my wife wanted to do an open marriage I'd tell her no fucking way. I'd have to sit down and count how many men my wife has had sex with since we were married too, its not a sex thing. Open marriages are playing with fire in what I've seen out there. Can it work for some? Sure, though most of the time I hear things like "it worked for me and my ex".

 

I have to agree, only people with a certain kind of makeup can have that kind of a relationship and they are few and far between.
As one of those odd people who has no jealousy and when I love someone trusts them absolutely, the concept isn't hard for me.
I discovered the hard way it doesn't work that way for most people.

 

I say this with my inexperience and humbly, it intrigues me that it is conceivable to let go of jealousy, and guilt and just love. Is this really possible? I can imagine it, then reality of the world around us kicks in. I would love to hear how it works. I'm not talking about sleeping around with everyone, just being free, and loving and respecting your partner's freedom too. Seems like truest kind of love.

 

Here's the problem; not being jealous is one thing, feeling left out or a third wheel is something else.
Open relationships don't usually survive because people suddenly focus on the new person in their life and ignore their partner.
Now if they have jobs or life styles that require being apart for extended periods of time, this can work but otherwise it can be an issue.

Swingers go home with each other, their activity is a shared experience.
An open marriage can have that element but all too often one person is more 'open' than the other.

As a non-jealous person it baffled me that it drove my first wife a little crazy that it didn't upset me if she spent time with other men.
The problem was she didn't have the ability to not get attached to the other person which I also think is pretty common.

It might sound like the truest kind of love but it doesn't work for most people.
If you are one of the people it would work for but you are with someone it wouldn't, you have to accept that.
It's not something you can force, no matter how much you would like to.

 

Haha, I know her. Small world.

 

I was surprised when I did not feel jealous when I saw my spouse with another woman. I actually see beauty in the whole thing. So I feel like I get your view and I appreciate you sharing your wisdom. Might have to accept a reality, I guess I will just move along the path very cautiously for now. Thank you.

 

Some people call that "compersion".

 

Cool

 

Well in reality of course not close..

Woman says to man, "Hey mind if my girlfriend joins us in bed?"
Woman says to man, "Hey mind if my male coworker joins us in bed?"

I'm going to say the acceptance rate for the first one is an order of magnitude greater than the second. Thats not to say the second doesn't happen, its just a completely different mindset than the first.

 

Ya darn cultural values, and beliefs getting in the way of enjoying the most pleasurable things in life! Institutions frustrate me. Imagine if we could just put all that aside and just enjoy all the fun stuff? Well what am I saying? It seems many of the peeps here are doing just that. Which is Awesome.

 

I like the cut of your jib!

 

Well don't forget genetics too. Society is just part of the equation. Society makes it easier to reject the idea, but genetics is an underlying foundation. Think of it this way, being jealous helps insure your children are yours as a male as men do not have the same protection women have. Women ALWAYS know a child is theirs, men just have to trust. Everyone is going to have a degree of that, and some might have too much to overcome.