Is porn ruining our love lives?

But how?

What is difference? It's a biology class rife with giggles and... what? I suppose I could Wikipedia it, but do you cover the emotional angle of sexual relationships? Love triangles? Baby mama drama? Threesomes? The proper way to hit it doggy style? I'm breathless in anticipation here. I'm not trying to be an ass but if Canada actually teaches kids to engage in foreplay for 20 minutes before plunging the pork sword, I'll eat my hat.

And lemme tell ya... I haven't washed this hat in over a year.

...

CANADA
So... you wanna know how to fuck, eh?​

America can't do anything right.

 

America
An Obese, Heavily-Armed Dystopian Novel​

 

I think TFP needs to test out the article's hypothesis or results on themselves, for science and research. Who would like to volunteer for science and TFP?

 

The US Army has already tested it.

 

This was a good little documentary about the differences between sex ed in America and in other parts of the world...and the consequences. It's on Netflix streaming if anyone is interested in watching it.

 

I got a kick out of this line from Baraka_Guru's reposted article:

Aside from the "don't think of an elephant" problem, how do you masturbate without thinking about sex?

 

As much as I dislike David Foster Wallace, this thread heavily reminds me of the conversations between Marathe and Steeply about the eponymous film Infinite Jest.

"'(...)The facts of situation, which speak so loudly of your Bureau's fear of this samizdat: now is what has happened when a people choose nothing over themselves to love, each one. A U.S.A. that would die -- and let its children die, each one -- for the so-called Perfect Entertainment, this film. Who would die for this chance to be fed this death of pleasure with spoons, in their warm homes, alone, unmoving: Hugh Steeply, in complete seriousness as a citizen of your neighbor I say to you: forget for a moment the Entertainment, and think instead about a U.S.A. where such a thing could be possible enough for your Office to fear(...)'"

Porn is an tool that some people use to get off. Tools can be abused, tools can hurt the user. I'm more concerned with the people that so frequently use said tool, said image, to the point where reality no longer suffices. Is it better for those who cannot control themselves to be unable to have sex without exercising significant restraint for months to be unable to reproduce and raise children with similar lack of control?

 

I think that the idea is to focus JUST on the physical sensation. Not to imagine someone doing it to you, or think about the last time your SO touched you in *that* spot, but to let yourself just feel with your sensory receptors instead of overlaying too much thought.

 

The only thing porn ruined was me spending hours and hours watching and downloading the stuff.

I was 'unschooled' on sex ed. You can't trust the minimal 'human relations' stuff in school, and I went searching for it secretively at my library when I was 10 or 11. I had no idea what I was looking for, but knew enough not to ask about it in my family.

Then in my teens I had the slow dial-up internet, and there was persiankitty.com (I wonder if they are still around?) Still pretty tame softcore, regular stuff.

From 18-25, I expanded my horizons with all the other stuff on-line. If it is on-line I saw it. I still was looking for and like the more normal, 'real' sex though.

And now, I just try and find 'real' sex. The real amateur videos, sellyoursextape, AbbyWinters (b/g), Lelulove and other sites like it.

I wonder what she would say about watching real people have real sex?

And yet, even with the Japanese porn and German Orgies I've seen, I would still want the average passionate sex with a girl I love.

 

I'm 36 and have been exposed to porn since probably age 10 (friends with older brothers had Penthouse collections, etc.)

I've never ejaculated onto my wife's face. I've never asked her to do anal. I can separate the porn "staples" from my own sex life.

Now I have had some ED problems, but it's unclear if that's related to viewing porn (as I sometimes have issues getting it up even when jacking off). I guess the biggest thing is that I've seen so many tits and asses that they just don't give me an erection alone anymore.

 

There are certain sexual acts that many people simply refuse to perform. If the face shot is just out of the question for you, that's your own prerogative, maybe you view it as demeaning or something. But not all women have that perspective when it comes to sex. For many women, there are very few lines that can be crossed when it comes to sexually pleasing their partner, the same goes for men.

 

Well, I was thinking of trying the no porn approach for a while. Don't think it can hurt too much, right?

 

Cindy Gallop has another more involved talk on "The Society Pages" much the same but more involved and longer. Google it. (If you are a parent - watch this one.)

I read through the responses and may have missed it...but I saw no mention of the word intimacy. Intimacy is something that can turn good sex into amazing sex. Intimacy is completely absent from most porn. The position of bodies is what looks good for the camera and shows the most of what people want to see. So there is very little embracing, tenderness...intimacy. I mean, how many people really kiss that weird way where they just stick their tongues out and barely even touch lips? To me it looks like they can barely stand to touch each other and they are doing a job. Don't get me wrong; I am a fan of porn. But I really prefer amateur porn where you can see the connection between the people fucking or sucking or whatever. Also - I prefer porn where they are making real noises as opposed to the dubbed loops or the noises that are obviously faked. As far as the "money shots"...I am left wondering how many men would naturally like to cum on a woman's face if they had not learned that from porn. Chicken or the egg?

Comstock films has some very nice porn that manages to keep the good qualities of amateur porn intact yet is filmed professionally.

 

I have no desire to ever do a face shot. It doesn't really do anything for me.

The only problem with amateur porn is that they need to learn about lighting, camera angles, and video quality. Maybe you saw well made 'real' amateur sex, but they just didn't do it right.

 

Not for me...I have NO sex life AT ALL, so porn is a healthy release for me and it keeps me from freaking out and leaving my husband.

Yes, I like to keep my post short and honest. Anyone else feel the same way?

 

I think I must be part of that generation where porn was my primary sexual educator. You better believe it was the first thing I was looking up when our house first got the internet back in 1996 and being a smart kid on a mission I suddenly found IRC to be pay dirt.

The thing porn did not teach me was sexual etiquette or context, something I did not learn until my mid teens with my high school sweet heart who was just as inexperienced as I was. Turns out you can have a lot of fun figuring things out for yourselves, however, it does require mutual respect.

I've been in somewhat of an sexual dry spell for many years now, so as one might imagine I use porn quite a lot. I think the article the Baraka posted up was very interesting as I can identify with quite a lot that's said in it. I've often found there I times I just get numb to porn and found this shift, this tendency, to look at more extreme stuff. Trouble is I find a lot of that stuff is some what at odds with my moral code. So I often find myself just taking a break form porn for a while. Thing is it had never once occurred to me that what was going on could have been physiological.

I'm certainly not dissing on porn, I think it's great, if you realise that it's just porn and has no real bearing in reality. But I do think that some of the very easily accessible extreme porn that's out there could have, and is having, a very negative psychological impact on some teenage males who are still developing both mentally and physically. Young kids who aren't getting taught the context. And like a lot of other things in life, all things in moderation.

A few people have brought this up and I think it's true, there's just no one willing to sit down and have a gods honest conversation with kids. I think if we were they'd all feel a lot less stressed out about sex. Someone to say "Look don't worry if you think your wang is small there's a lot of ways around that." Or, "Don't worry if don't know how to give a blow job, just ask him and he'll be more than happy to tell you how he likes it." "Now remember bro, every gal is different and responds to things differently so just go in gently and get a feel for what she likes and you'll be all gravy."

With any new sexual partner there are always a lot of unknowns, a lot of unknowns that you can have a mighty fun time exploring and fact finding. But there needs to be a healthy of respect between partners which means not making assumptions for what they might be up for without asking. This is what I believe kids need to be taught first and foremost, technique they can figure out for themselves. Porn, I don't believe, can give our neurotic western offspring that lesson.

But I give kids more credit, every generation has proven they're able to adapt and address the challenges unique to them and their circumstance.