is my long term relationship over?

Hello thank you for looking

So I have been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years. We have lived together for a little more than 2 years. I will try and keep this as concise as possible...

My girlfriend is extremely jealous and has severe insecurity issues stemming from really bad relationships in her past. I cannot have friends that are girls and she is extremely judgmental of my friends in general. We have large arguments over small things weekly. A few weeks ago I listened to her for 30 minutes tear into me about my friends and my lack of correct priorities. Let me add just recently I have started going out with the guys roughly 1 time a week ie a few beers at the local brewery. Due to her job she is typically always stressed out and often in a bad mood.

I know she loves me very much or maybe its the thought of love that shes in love with and I am just the guy shes projecting onto?> Fast forward to a few days ago. I was out with a buddy for the day drinking(not sitting in a bar drinking whiskey until the sun comes up but at several locations that serve a particular type of red and white beverage ). Prior to us heading out for the day she called me begging me to not go and if I do it will hurt her very bad. In a split second decision i decided to not bring my phone with to allow myself the opportunity to enjoy the day.

She has been having some stomach issues for a week or so and was in pain. Let me add that I was begging and pleading with her to let me take her to the hospital for the 4 days prior and she wouldn't go but did say that by tomorrow if she still didn't feel good she would go. So as it would happen she called her dad to take her to the hospital and they both called my phone several times. I wasn't back to my vehicle until the following morning. I ran into her at home but not before i ran into her father he was screaming at me "where in the f**k were you" and on and on he went freaking out at me.... He told me to leave his daughter alone??? I get home and shes packing a fair amount of her stuff saying how I don't deserve her and on and on she goes. She was diagnosed with a digestive disease unfortunately which is going to change her dietary habits dramatically.

Now I know I definitely screwed up big time i mean really really big. She is staying at her parents house for the next few days she said and she went on about congratulations you are single and that i can go f**k anyone I want. It isnt that simple because we do have a lease together that has another 10 months on it We have had near blow ups but her father and mother we never involved so different dynamics now exist. i am not a bad guy i am at home with her cooking dinner 90% of the time and just cuddling and spending time with her, being the one she vents to about her day. I am somewhat prepared mentally to have this relationship end but its not like we just dont have to see each other anymore...

Let me add that during the first year of our relationship I abandoned my friends and allowed my friendships to wither away. I am in my mid 20's as she is as well. I on;y recently realized that lying on the couch every night after work and going to bed at 9pm isn't the way i want to spend every night.

 

Borla, honestly we do communicate fairly well and I have a high threshold before I get angry. I didn't give a great amount of insight into our communication abilities. Sorry for that. For an example a few weeks ago we were grabbing a drink and a quick bite to eat and my buddy who doesn't like needed some advice with his vehicle. I didn't answer yet she went on and on about him having no respect for our relationship and it's bullshit. I actually kept quiet and we went on with our night. It seems as if I'm not home every night with her she doesn't like it and has some issue

 

Well you definitely opened my perception as to what proper communication is. You're quite right.

 

Life is too short for shitty relationships. Move on. Find someone who makes you happy and who you want to make happy. Love and respect make a good relationship, drama does nothing positive.


10 month lease is nothing in the long term.

 

The best part about this is her parents house is 75 yards from my parents house .... We grew up across the street from each other. Hell it's probably closer than that more like 50 yards. When I exit my parents front door the side of her house is directly in my line of sight

 

Childhood sweetheart?
That makes it even more complicated.
She sees you in way that is completely different from any guy she will ever be with for the rest of her life.

But yes, I think the relationship is done.

 

We never had anything growing up but would talk periodically and she always thought I was attractive. To add one more complicated aspect. When she was packing her shit she tells me maybe in a couple days she'll change her mind. I'm not holding my breathe or anything.

 

Honestly no matter what she says in a few days why don't you agree to stay away from each other for at least a week, and preferably a month.
If you really love each other, you can resume your relationship at that time and go forward from there. What's a lost month when you have your whole lives ahead of you?
Much more likely though is that it's over, and there will be far less drama if you just stay out of each other's hair for a month, then go your own ways after that.

 

Another casualty of cell phones in modern society. What would have happened 10 years ago when 99% of people didn't have 24/7 connectivity?

http://www.iunplug.com/cell-phones-can-ruin-relationships/
How Gadgets Ruin Relationships and Corrupt Emotions | WIRED

Yes, it sucks that she wasn't feeling good and you weren't there, but as a single person, nobody is there for me either. I am a big boy and can deal with it.

I'm not expert, but it sounds like there were bigger problems that you two needed to be working on.

 

@MarksL: Welcome to TFP. I hope you find a lot of what goes on here interesting enough to stick around and get involved.

What I'm looking for while reading your posts is a real emotional involvement on your part. You are quite detailed in what you see are her flaws, but I'm not picking up any real affection for her from you. What were your incentives for getting into and staying in a relationship with her? Your comments sound like they are coming from a guy who had one foot out of the door already. Are you missing her or relieved that she's gone? You seem more upset that her parents are pissed off than the fact that she's moved out.

From the information you've provided, I don't see why you would want to reconcile. Life, going forward, will be more of the same, and unless you both secretly thrive on the conflict, I don't see much happiness for either of you. Contemplate where this relationship is headed. Seriously.

 

so what are thoughts and feelings expressed?....Oh right behavor. <----- is that spelled right? behaviour nope be-havour nope not right, behavour, well a little help here. So do you get the idea?

 

Wth? I made a post 5 minutes ago then posted the above and it replaced my previous post..

 

MarksL, we're only hearing one side of the story, which isn't to say your account is inaccurate.

From what I'm reading she sounds clingy & needy, but covers it up with frequent criticism. It sounds crazy that someone who is needy would criticize the person they're trying to cling to since criticism drives wedges between people, even if it takes a long time. Unless your friends and your activities away from her are highly questionable, you have the right to have a life of your own (obviously within reason).

The incident with her being sick and you choosing not to carry your phone was unfortunate, and a mistake on your part. But with that said, IMO it seems rather convenient for her that she chose that time to elect to go to the hospital and call her dad. Perhaps she really needed to go, and truly didn't know that she should've gone sooner. Or maybe she saw an opportunity to make certain that "Daddy" would be completely on her side.

You should seriously reevaluate the relationship. I lean towards ending it, but without all the facts my advice is worth less than two cents.

 

Thanks Chris,

Over time she has definitely done the I'm leaving for the night after a fight just to see if I would follow her. She has told me such. She was looking for attention. As the days go on with minimal contact from her I am definitely losing what little hope I had. I asked her how she was doing yesterday morning to only receive a response last night regarding her leaving her half of the rent check at our place. My mother did in fact message her last night sending her thoughts and sympathy to her about her diagnoses. My mother didn't mention anything about us she naturally got a response back immediately. After all she has been a large of my family for the last several years. From this point on I will not be sending her any messages or attempting any contact. We have our rent situation squared away for at least 30 more days so it is what it is.

 

Uggh, what an insufferable princess. Ever see Mildred Pierce? It's not coincidental that Daddy swooped in to rescue her the moment you were unavailable, it's no surprise she's back with her parents now. Healthy, well-adjusted people don't manipulate their partners and they certainly don't stick around to be guilted out of living. Move on from her and this terrible relationship, in staying together you do each other a needless disservice.