Is it safe to sit upright on the edge of the sofa and masturbate?

Sofa fetish evermore...

Upon a sofa hard and germy, handling my cock so firmy,
Thought of my quaint and curious problem, muscles rip and muscles torn–
I sat upright, clearly fapping, close to cumming from the fapping,
On the sofa, edging, fapping, freaked at tapping on my door.
"'Tis some scientist," I muttered, "seeking knowledge, nothing more–
Knowledge of the pelvic floor."

Apologies to Edgar Allen Poe

and

Elmore Rual Torn, Jr.
Rip Torn - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

I think the research required to determine an estimate on this is too cost-prohibitive. Why do you ask?

Why aren't there guidelines about masturbation in general if it is unsafe for your eyesight?

 

Not with government financing. Let our grandkids pay for it. The new bureau could be Federal Angry Pricks Fantasizing Anal Penetration For All Peckers.

That's Fanny FapFapFap in Government Speak.

I firmly believe that if I only masturbate in the dark with a Hitachi Magic Wank the buzzing has a protective effect on my eyesight. The same effect carries over into daylight if I wear dark glasses or the name of the day ends in 'ay.'

 

This fun thread has given me incentative (let's see... nominative, genitive, dative, accusative, instrumental, and incentative, right?) to have fun with bad parodies of warhorse poetry.

I'm probably using it as an avoidance mechanism to fluff off something important that I should be doing.


Apologies to the Kansas City Royals

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Fapville nine that day;
The sofa's edge was hard, with but one cumming left to play.
And then Baraka died at first, torn muscles sore inflamed,
A creamy, sticky substance touched the patrons of the game.

A straggling few zipped up their pants. The rest
put lovely pearl necklaces on six cheerleaders breasts.
They thought, if only banwan could get a whack (heh-heh) at that
They'd take their chance with muscle tears
with banwan at the bat...

etc., etc., and so forth...

 

What doctors?

Link?

 

Doctors have actually disproved that theory. I think it was ten years or so ago.

 

The doctors that proved it is safe are local doctors that do not post all their information on the Internet, sorry.

 

My guess was that someone so concerned with the subject would only reference actual published studies.


Otherwise it would be paranoia over an old wives' tale, no?

 

'Cept it isn't.

If it was, you'd have scientific documentation to link.


IB4youaskmetolinkyoutoproofofanegati ewhentheburdenofproofisontheinitialclaimyoumadenotonanyonelse.