How To Get To Heaven When You Die

He's a creepy lurker...

 

@ZombieSquirrel, if it makes you feel any better, that means you'll be sitting next to me!

At least until your instincts take over, of course.


Oh, and I'd like for this post to have a musical accompaniment, since these lyrics are so appropriate:

 

It's Jibbers Crabst for me, baby. And Noodle's party....


View: https://youtu.be/ZZ_BtZ-5O60

 

Please take the time to read this first post and vote in the poll.

 

Read it the first time. Still not buying what you are selling.

 

My friend, what part of I'm not a member of your tribe did you miss the first time?

 

Gotta second that. Big time.

 

No. I don't think anyone can be sure of an afterlife. If an afterlife does in fact exist, I can only hope that it isn't the biblical heaven, for a couple of reasons:

1. I won't be going there. By almost any interpretation of the bible where it determines who gets in and who doesn't, I don't make the cut.
2. Neither will a lot of the people I like. Even if I did get figure out how to get the sinners' get out of jail free card, I'm pretty sure all the atheists, wiccans, jews, islamists, and general don't give-a-shitists that I knowwouldn't. That sounds like a dull party. Noodles' party sounds better.

No. I have some problems with the whole garden of eden story. If God knows all and controls all, then he knew this was going to go down. He allowed it. And if we take the stance that God doesn't know everything, that he can't predict or control man's choices, then it's still a pretty big dick move. He punished innocents, who literally couldn't know what evil was, and didn't just punish them harshly, but punished the entire species. He couldn't even be bothered to put up a wall or something? God should be cited with maintaining an attractive nuisance.

Here's another thing about the biblical God. He made everything. He made heaven and hell and all the rest. He decides the criteria by which it is decided who goes where. I cannot with any degree of conscience worship, follow, or acknowledge the moral superiority of a being who could create hell and send people there just for not believing in him. As for his poor "son", he didn't have to do that. He could have just said "Hey, you're all cool now, I decided to stop being a vengeful asshole and let you guys come hang out with me when you die." He's God, he has that power. But instead a poor guy had to die in a horrible way to make a point.

I always hated the "faith not works" thought. I mean, Jesus basically came and said to be cool to one another, and treat each other like you would want to be treated, etc. Then some people afterwards said "No, no. You should do that too, but it's not required. You just have to believe."

It always astounds me when people can say that atheists have no moral compass, then talk about how all sin will be forgiven.

This is the thing I never understood about prosthelization. How does one just decide "Yep, that God sounds pretty good and/or scares the crap out of me. I'm going to believe in him now." You people treat belief like it's a switch you an convince someone to go turn on. Or more relevant, you think that just copy/pasting random verses will suddenly inspire people to take God into their hearts and change their whole way of life.

So there. I read your post, and responded to it so that you know that I did. Now post something more entertaining. Your religious debate game is weak.

 

A thing that always perplexed me about the start of mankind from Adam and Eve. Who were their children's mates?

 

All I'm reading is, you have no answer either.

Mesopotamians = Mesohornians

 

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAMRTGv82Zo

 

When I get to heaven,
St Peter's going to say,
How'd you earn your living boy,
How'd you earn your pay?
I'll reply with a little bit of anger,
I made my living on sex and danger.

 

There's a poll and place to vote?

 

God is way into BDSM.

 

Apparently jesus forgot the safe word.

 

Witness! I live. I die. I live again.