how many times a week?

I'll live forever then...

 

I hope not.

I know frequency isn't everything, but I've had sex fewer than 200 times. I hope to more than double that before I'm 50 (in 10 years).

#lifegoals

 

When one of a pair, usually the woman, demurs or avoids sex, is it because she has lost interest in sex activities in general, has a low libido/sex drive or some other reason, or could she have lost desire for her partner?

Maybe she never liked it in the first place. I have acquaintances of that persuasion. I can't relate. If abstention is what floats your boat, why get in a sex relationship to start with?

And especially when this is a change. When a relationship turns from sexually mutually satisfying to avoidance, why does that fire die? How does a sexual relationship begin, flourish (or at least seem to) and then die like a garden of annuals in autumn?

I can't imagine being in an exclusive relationship and not having regular sexual release with my partner. I can't. Sure, occasional dry spells may happen, but to let going months at a time without sex become the norm???

How does it get to that point?

That's a serious question, and deserving of discussion. Either here, or in some other thread.

And, do any women read or participate in this thread?

 

Fortunately I've not been in a sexless situation. 4-5 days is a long time to go in our case, and I think the longest ever in 18 years has been when I took an 8 day fly-in fishing trip.

However, it seems like the complaint is fairly common. There is even at least one fairly large subreddit on the subject.

My guess is that most of those relationships fall into a couple of categories.

1) There is a health issue that isn't being addressed fully, physical, mental, or emotional. One partner or the other may have a physical issue that keeps them from performing, or that keeps them from fully enjoying it. Or, there are mental/emotional issues at play, sometimes past abuse. These issues can sometimes be very difficult to address, and it usually takes an understanding partner and open communication to do so. Sometimes it may take medical help, which can be embarrassing. Or it may be difficult to find a doctor ready to properly address it.

2) There are other factors in the relationship that cause resentment, or a lack of emotional intimacy. Men often say "she stopped wanting sex" and place the blame solely on the woman. In most cases that I've seen, the men stopped doing some of the things that previously led their partner to want sex. During the dating process, or early in relationships, they may go out of their way to show non-sexual physical affection, express their love and appreciation for their mate verbally or in writing, or otherwise make their mate feel desired. Once they "catch" their mate, some of that activity drops off, their mate feels less desired, so they are less ready for the physical act.

Obviously each of those categories can go much deeper, and not everyone fits in either (some fit in both). But that's my anecdotal observations.

 

I think a good primer on this is the book Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. I've been meaning to reread it, as I don't think enough of it got through to me.

Or you could just watch her TED Talk: Esther Perel: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship | TED Talk | TED.com

 

I've read her book, and she has some valid points, especially about how trying to keep the sex fresh and exciting can also bring enough risks to destabilize well functioning other aspects of the relationship. She also deals more with when the woman is the deprived partner. I should reread it also... I know it's around here somewhere.

 

Actually, your body doesn't know the difference...reacts the same. Science says.
The sex - in any way, shape or form...that's just whatever fulfills your desires and makes your eyes rolls back in your heads. (this includes your emotional state)
Yes, it's good...and wonderful...but everyone's different.

Me, I love sex...and then some.
But my bod just wants to get off. (the whore that it is... )

 

Masturbation is just sex gone solo.

 

I've read about studies that have found that sex has greater benefits than masturbation but that both are beneficial. I think is has to do with the differences in oxytocin and dopamine levels or something.

I can feel the difference. I mean, if they were exactly equal, that would be fucking awesome. My masturbation rate would probably increase at least threefold.*




*A conservative estimate

 

This is likely correct. We get a lot out of being close with others.