Help...does this sound ok? Question about relationship

I don't owe him why I'm leaving?...I never even explained that its the betrayal of the underwear, the lack of communication etc...I feel like I should of been more mad that I have confused him cuz we left off well Monday and had a last good time together...but the fact that I couldn't address issues made me upset. Its messed up but I feel empathy for him cuz his last txts to me sound good and I know in the times we did share, he did care too. I wasn't living in a dream. I will make the steps to move on of course.

 

This.

 

Nope. You don't "owe" anyone but yourself. You made yourself clear. Any further conversation about it opens you up to more pain and possibly attempts to manipulate you. It takes a while but you'll be okay.

 

you don't "owe" it to him. stick to your guns and be strong. You will be ok. Remember that we are here for you, We are one big dysfunctional family

 

You don't owe him anything.
At this point the relationship is gone and if you run into each other, the most he can expect from you is a polite "Hello." and "Goodbye." without a break between the two words.
As folks have said if you need to talk about this, and you should, tell your therapist, tell us but don't go near him.
You've discovered some good things about yourself, work with that and don't look back.

 

It's hard to let go no joke I'm crazy, I drove by this am to see if that car was there yes dumb but nothing happened didnt go by just looked...but I don't need proof, its not about the underwear its about what I need the stability out of a relationship, he can't give it, the underwear was prob a good sign to get out. I'm trying to see the light. I need the tears to stop already. Wishing hed change is a waste of time, wishing hed be where I'm at is impossible, he isnt thats the reality.

I know the advice here is true and even from my family and friends. I feel like I'm mourning a loss. It hurts because I've had a lot of loss in life. I'm just drained, tired and wanting things to just work for me cut me a break, let me find love and get going with life. But I do realize too, its long overdo to begin loving myself, not just saying it but truly believing it .

Had a therapist session yesterday, it went well, she thinks its not that I don't have good self esteem, cuz I am a very strong person I've overcome a lot, I just need to keep telling myself and reminding myself. She also said that being 33 3months with someone is something deep and a lot of time, so I shouldn't not acknowledge it for what it was, it was a relationship for me. It meant something. I did spend a lot of time with him. He did care, but he has his things to deal with, and they dont meet what I need, so I need to focus on me.
I am trying to create hope that someone will come into my life and all the things I value, he will plus he will love me for the one thing I do know I have a huge heart. Its not wrong to have been peaceful with him or not fight with him, its ok cuz thats who I am a loving person, I dont' have time for fights with people I see the life as to preacious to waste, so when people disappear, I need to let him / them.They'll come back if I want them back. I just need to realize I don't need him back. I need to not waste anymore time.

 

Angela, when new people come to the TFP with a problem and ask advice, they usually fall into two categories: The first gets angry because they refuse to listen to the truth, and leave in a huff and return to their misery and continue the cycle.

The second group listens to the advice, but when it comes time to follow through, they go in the opposite direction and their problem blows up in their face. Then they crawl back here, asking for more advice on how to dig themselves out of the hole they created as their world comes crashing down around them.

You don't fall into either category; you belong to that elite group that actually listens and takes charge!

That takes guts.

That also takes brains.

Be proud of yourself. It's okay to cry it out for awhile. You've done nothing wrong.

If anything, you've done the right thing- which is impressive.

I think you'll come out of this just fine.

 

No, I'm just a lil fixated, like to me the underwear vision in my head wasn't enough proof even though in my gut I know he was lying and yes it should be more than enough . I believed him. Ahhhh this weekend is hard,k Ive never taken a stand for myself. I've done good not reacting to his msgs or his text. The first weekend away from him, I'm confused cuz we left off good, thats whats hard even though this week I knew I had to put an end in my heart I know hes not right for me or healthy. I am just finding it hard to move on and let go of the goodtimes, he brought life back into me excitement etc but he ruined it in a blink of an eye and thats what kills. No, I'm not a stalker...I wont go there again .But trust me no I'm not a stalker, I just have a hard time letting go. I don't plan to go there again.
I am taking advice from all of you, one step at a time and I am putting it all to work. I am good at working on myself its just when I fall I fall hard in any relationship I treat people with the most respect and love and give always 100% so when they hurt me I take it to heart way too much.

 

This might or might not apply here.

Physical attraction is natural. We, males & females, usually first notice attractive (hot) people. Those attractive people might not be LTR material, but we don't that from looking. It's be nice if we all had a warning system to detect the users & manipulators that would tell us "Avoid this person!".

Point--Don't overlook the average folks.

 

We average folk are the best

 

This has been the hardest few days.....I'm still not feeling closure. Now I'm in the stage of wanting to vent to him and flip out and tell him why I';ve left . To answer back to his texts when all I've been doing since Thurs is ignoring him. I know my text was good . But I now have the it to flip out on the phone with him and tell him what he did was wrong and get mad at him for not doing good by me. I am also missing the company. I miss him the jays games don't help we did tons of those, a lot of reminders surround me of him. I know the advice is to leave him alone and be strong but man I wish I had told him how the underwear and substance abuse was not ok. All the I wish I hads are coming up. Fighting the urges like crazy. Ahhhhhh ok vent for today!

 

Definitely....been listening to advice so far and little by little I'm gonna do it. These thoughts are normal though and feelings?

 

Get out more often. Find some events that sound interesting to you and attend them. Strike up casual conversations. Try to meet new people. Contact old friends that don't have a connection to XBF. Get together with people in a setting that allows for a quick exit if needed.

 

Yes it is normal, but you aren't helping yourself if you give into the urge to scream at him. Deep down he knows he treated you poorly - you don't need to tell him.

Break ups suck - whether you end it with someone, or they end it with you, mostly you feel fairly crap for a while. Don't worry - time heals this - so give yourself time and, as others have said, keep busy!