Help...does this sound ok? Question about relationship

There's a LOT of gooooood dick in this world.

 

Have to add my voice to the choir, get as far away from him as you can.
Do not take his calls, do not have any contact with him in any way.
Use him a ruler for what you don't want to do ever again and move on.
I'm sorry that your first serious relationship turned out this way.
I know it hurts, God I know it hurts, but please love yourself enough to not ever see him again.

 

Thank you everyone, yes it hurts soo much. The thoughts are endless and now there's a lot of anger. I want to write out all my anger send it to him and then completely block him. Never to talk or speak to him again. I just feel that I left him tooo soft and vulnerable by asking him if we would be ok ? Crazy I should of been angry at him yet till the moment I left his place I was the crazy one for questioning the underwear.....I want my power back, dignity more. I fear hearing from him or his nice attempts to make it seem like I have the issue or am always causing drama as he says when all I did was ask normal questions....Anyway the support here from complete strangers is touching THANK YOU ALL! Deep down I know I need to work on myselfesteem. I signed up for councelling there's deeper things going on about my worth and fear of life that goes beyond this. I want to love Angela again and meet someone who will appreciate me. Its weird but I did see glimmers of it in him when I shared things about myself especially in the beginning....I don't know what went wrong and that's why its making it hard to heal. How was I fooled? On my way to work with little toddlers now and try to make their day fun and exciting despite my headspace.

<3 Thanks to everyone for letting me vent each day.

 

run girl run. you have the power to do what you want, but a bad relationship can be worse than cancer. it can drive you nuts and make you want to pull your hair out. you are a strong woman. don't let anyone fuck it up.

 

Ok...so since Monday that I last saw him, he messaged. He just said : "Just wanted to say Hi, hope your day is going well. Talk soon. "

I'm in panic mode emotions running high and a mess. I still want him, I want the good times again. I don't want to be a fighter with him. But I cant I cant disappoint my family my dear friends and you all . Your endless advice and support. I know hes not good for me but my goodness why am I sooo attached and why is it so hard to let go?? I fear loosing my loved ones should I choose to hear him out or give a chance. I can't risk that especially when I witnessed my best friend suffer years with someone who treated her wrong and now shes been advicing me to leave him. I can't risk loosing her respect or my parents. I won't respond to him ahhhhh Angela you can't. But I have an attachment that I'm finding hard to let go of.

 

So I plan to send a text that sounds like this....Ryan I am done. I wish you the best but I can not do this anymore. U and I want different things. My gut is right about a lot of things about you. I want a relationship built on trust and loyalty. You don't that's clear. In the 3mos, we had a great time and I began to care about you and always saw the good. But I was blinded by the bad. That's what hurts a lot. I need to let go. I want things you are not ready for. Its ok-we are different. No harm, it is what it is...all the best to you. Angela
--- merged: Oct 15, 2015 at 1:21 PM ---
Is a text mature or should I gain the courage and do it via phone?
--- merged: Oct 15, 2015 at 1:26 PM ---
Or kill it with kindness....I hope you are doing well . I want to thank you for your time we have spent together. It has truly been a learning process for me. It seems we have different expectations at this time in life. I am looking for commitment and someone who has respect for me the same way I have respect for them. Thank you for everything and I wish you all the best in your life with much success, joy and happiness.

 

I would suggest keeping it short and simple - and avoid blame or criticism. All that achieves is to open the door to discussion and argument and a continuation of the drama. Unless that's what you want, of course - which, to my jaded mind , is simply drama and not interesting.

To edit your own words: "Ryan I am done. I wish you the best but I can not do this anymore. You and I want different things and I need to let go. No harm, it is what it is ... all the best to you. Angela".

Whether by text or by phone (and I'm old enough that I simply don't text), you need a simple message that you can just replay over and over, if necessary. If you want to end it, end it. The less discussion the better. If you don't want to end it, don't say any of this - it will only lead to bullshit.

 

I'm wishing you good luck, @angela_c_82 you can do this!!

 

Definately sending it to my therapist. I'm not speaking to him yet because he doesn't deserve a response right away...he doesn't treat me the way I need so he can wait. Almost wanting to take the challenge and do it on the phone just to push myself to have a voice in life. I feel like this may be a great opportunity to begin the process of positive self esteem by taking my first stand in what I need and want. In the mean time I've read all the advice its making me stronger. I'm searching within for strength so that when I do contact him and set him straight I will be strong that I am not going back. I will do this, just making sure its all for me and my future . Funny I'm the kind of person that needs to read the threads over and over to get it in my head. Complete strangers on here who have given advice similar to my family and dearest friends. I'm on the right path...one step at a time. I just need to make the steps. Thanks again-Angela
--- merged: Oct 15, 2015 at 6:48 PM ---
The butterflies, he just called omg

 

Under normal circumstances I'd say have the backbone to call. Given your fragile state, a text might be best.

The main thing is you need to mean it, and then stand your ground.

 

I wanted to quote this as it is a pretty important bit of this thread. You shouldn't need others to make you see the positives in you - self esteem is quite often tied up in what others think and the older we get, the more we realise that nobody else matters and we need to see the positives in ourselves.

RE the breakup text - I think it is fine - it may be easier to do it via text, but you'll probably feel better in the long run if you do it via voice (or even face to face). If you end up talking or face to face, stick to your guns - don't let him manipulate you or make you feel guilty.

 

I have to agree. Send it to a stranger instead

 

I sent this this evening after numerous attempts by him to call me and txt me....So this is my final goodbye txt sent to him.....Ryan, Ive had time to thins Iam done. I truly am. I can't do this anymore. I wish u the best . U and I want different things. I want a relationship I cant change that feeling or my goals.These have been awesome 3mos. Things shifted recently and you and I want different things. Maybe we always did but I kept hoping it would change cuz we got along well. I rushed...but have no regrets because I gained experience in even a short time....I began to care about u and always saw the good in u. That's what hurts a lot .But I need to let you go. I want things ur not ready for yet.And That's OK cuz there is No harm in being who we are. No more pressure and we can go on with life positive. It is what it is.Thank you for our time together right until the end. All the best. Angela

Then this happened....
--- merged: Oct 16, 2015 3:33 AM ---
He began this mornign with 2 txts.... Then later this evening ..He called/txt 4 x tonight....He responded to the above final good bye with "I understand, I'm glad ur ok though. " Then he said about an hour later.."Maybe in the future we can meet up I feel bad it ended like this it was nice spending time with you on Sunday. I was wondering why you werent responding to my txts and I'm glad nothing bad happened to you. ...then 10 min later he says "you have nothing to say."

I haven't responded to any calls , it hurts too much I can't hear him. I havent addressed even why I left eg the underwear. I feel he must know. For a moment there I felt he cared, cuz I know too he is confused in his life. I feel for others maybe too much. But I did take a stand for myself because I know in my heart I will never be ok with this dishonesty.

 

Now keep not responding to his calls, texts, messages, etc.