Funny Terms for Masturbation

Polishing the ol knob...

 

A friend always said it was "Making sewer babies..."

 

Playing a little five on one.

 

Manual Override.
Polishing the Meatsaber
Buffing Vader's Helmet
"Quality Time"
"Practice"

 

I wouldn't know. I've never done that.

 

nobody's posted any "getting caught" stories yet... is everyone really that sneaky?

 

I got caught by my last girlfriend.

 

[Duplicate post deleted]

 

They see what they want to see...

 

Getting caught? A few months ago I was on a business trip and staying in a nice hotel. Unfortunatley, inspite of the pricey room the walls were thin. About 1:15 AM I heard the obvious sound of a vibrator and happy woman next door. By the time she was finished I was too excited to go back to sleep. Hope she didn't hear me!

 

I got to stop going to sleep so early....

 

I got caught by my mother once, probably 6 or so years ago. I sat there in front of my computer naked, and she just barged in. I froze up, she talked to me as if I wasn't sitting there butt naked, but didn't stay long. That was some freaky shit. I was real careful after that.

Also; choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come.

 

For women - "jilling", which has a special spot for me, even all this time later....

 

Waxing the Bed Porpoise.
For the ladies: Making Soup, Dialing "O" on the pink phone.

 

I like when guys say they are going to have a "Romantic evening with their girlfriend Jill." If you have no idea what this means, look at the back of your right hand with your fingers stretched out. It's sort of like the girlfriend Rosie, Rosie Palms. I'm sure ladies named Jill or Rosie feel special....

I tend to have "Evenings in with Mr. Purple." I used to have a Mr. Turquoise, but he couldn't keep up with me and burned out too quickly. Mr. Purple is much more reliable. I also just say, "when the roommates are away, the mouse will play."

 

The missus calls it "Fluffing" when I do it to myself, since when she suggests it it's a way of getting me ready for her to take over at some point (and a way to build volume for when she's looking for it.)

 

"beating the purple headed darth vader"
"shooting putty at the moon"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShTm8MnUAjo

 

The first time I heard the Rosie Palm joke, I laughed for about ten minutes. Granted, I was 13, but still.

I've always liked "a date with BOB." As in, Battery Operated Boyfriend.