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Families and the Holidays

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by Japchae, Oct 18, 2011.

Page 2 of 3
  1. Cayvmann

    Cayvmann Very Tilted

    Location:
    Central North Carolina
    Give thanks for the peace and quiet to be able to celebrate with your family and dogs. Your dogs will give thanks for a slice o' that turkey.
     
    Cayvmann, Oct 21, 2011
    #21
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Random McRandom

    Random McRandom Starry Eyed

    Thanks guys. My wife and I decided last night we're going to do our own thing. It's nice to know that others think that's the right action as well. It's going to cause a major fight in my family so Xmas will be in jeopardy too, but I just feel like I'm always the one to give, give and give in these situations and then I get dumped on. I'm tired of putting my wife and kids through that shit. It's time for them to placate me.. just a little bit..I'm not greedy.
     
    Random McRandom, Oct 21, 2011
    #22
  3. Japchae

    Japchae Very Tilted

    It's a frustrating situation to be in. But if you don't stand up for you and your family, it can become a long-standing tradition... This kind of crap has been happenInt in my family for 30 years.
     
    Japchae, Oct 21, 2011
    #23
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Ourcrazymodern?

    Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering

    Location:
    The Longfellow Neighborhood
    Wow. I suddenly feel better about not seeing my birth family anymore. Thanks, noodle, & all you others.
     
    Ourcrazymodern?, Oct 21, 2011
    #24
  5. Japchae

    Japchae Very Tilted

    The people who contribute positive things in your life are true family,
    the ones that tend to bring more stress and disharmony are relatives.
    At least that's how I look at it when I'm stressed out.
     
    Japchae, Oct 21, 2011
    #25
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Random McRandom

    Random McRandom Starry Eyed

    Thanks noodz. I'm gonna steal that as my mantra as well.
     
    Random McRandom, Oct 21, 2011
    #26
  7. Random McRandom

    Random McRandom Starry Eyed

    T-minus 1 hour before I drop the bomb and get the guilt trip from mom and the blow-up argument from dad. Blow me. I'm prepared.
     
    Random McRandom, Oct 22, 2011
    #27
  8. Random McRandom

    Random McRandom Starry Eyed

    well..that didn't go over so well.

    I'm cool with it.
     
    Random McRandom, Oct 22, 2011
    #28
  9. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    I feel for you guys. I don't have any good advice, largely because my head is up my own ass on this issue at the moment.

    Christmas last year involved both sides of my husband's family, and it was a zoo. One side now has small children. This factor basically split the family into two camps: those who wanted to watch the kids play with their toys, and those who wanted to talk to each other. While I have no problem with that, various factors made Christmas kind of weird: my MIL insisting we should play games at intervals when it was clear no one wanted to play games, too many people, and trying to include everyone associated with the family (including my parents and my SIL's mom). I told E after it was over that I wasn't sure about next Christmas.

    One mitigating factor in all of this is that I can't leave town due to work. Two, we are unsure one of E's grandpas will make it another year.

    Here is what we are considering: staying in town, having my parents come down, spend time with them, but not tell the family we are staying in town. We will be spending Thanksgiving with E's family anyway. We are just anxious about Grandpa, but at the same time, Christmas isn't always the best time to spend time with him.

    Thoughts?
     
    snowy, Oct 22, 2011
    #29
  10. Japchae

    Japchae Very Tilted

    I get busted every time I try to not tell someone something about plans. This year I'm taking the stance that I'm going to just be honest about things. If I don't want to do something, I'm not going to. "Thank you, but I'm just not interested" and if uncharted and I have something else we'd like to do, so be it. I'm tired of catering to and hiding from (and often doing things just to appease others, like weird games and shite) these relatives. I say make this holiday season about what YOU want.
     
    Japchae, Oct 22, 2011
    #30
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Random McRandom

    Random McRandom Starry Eyed

    So I had to dig around and pull this thread back up...

    Draaaaama.

    Jesus fucking christ.

    So, last year you'll see that we did our own thing but we did manage to go and make an appearance at the "gathering" in order to smooth things out a bit. You know, trying to be the better person and all that jazz. In fact, we went over there on Xmas too but we didn't stay very long because we had other things to do.

    Fast forward to this year. The event was to be held in the same place. The reasoning was because my cousin had a baby last year and it would be easier for them to just keep her at home. Uhhh, what? So when mine were babies/toddlers it didn't matter? Yeah ok. We see who your favorites are. We aren't too worried about it.

    Anyway, that's not the major issue. My lazy brother who manages to get kicked out of college years ago, moves in with mommy and daddy and is STILL there decided to pop off to my wife about something. Of course, he wouldn't have said shit when I was around, but when I asked him for clarification he ignored me. After this happened, I informed the family we wouldn't be attending any of their functions. T-day? Nope. Xmas? Nope. Suck it. I just simply had had enough at this point and I didn't need some Jerry Springer shit during the so-called family time. My brother sent a rather sarcastic apology to my wife (after mommy told him to) a day before t-day. She was hoping I'd change my mind (she should know better) and I had to tell her sorry, we still weren't going.

    Not one damn person that was there sent an email/text/call/fb to us saying they missed us, hope to see you etc etc etc.

    Wife wasn't too pleased.

    So we'll not be doing Xmas with them either. Of course, I'm getting the cold shoulder from everyone in the family, like it's all my fault for the drama. They act like we're all stuck up and trying to be better than they are. Well, no, we're not stuck up, but yes, we are better than you... just not in the way you're thinking. Anyway, to those who don't have to go through stupid shit like this... kudos. One can only wish for things like that.



    Hmm, there's a bunch of presents I could ship back and recoup the cost on...
     
    Random McRandom, Dec 4, 2012
    #31
    • Like Like x 2
  12. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    Glory's Sun, sounds like you're going to save some money this year.

    Well, last year was a lot better because my MIL came to the same conclusions I had come to. So that was nice. I expect this year to be more pleasant, because this year we really need each other. We'll see how it goes.
     
    snowy, Dec 4, 2012
    #32
  13. Stan

    Stan Resident Dumbass

    Location:
    Colorado
    Our solution was to show up a day or two before the holiday and see people on our terms without the herd mentality.

    Huge groups of family inevitably piss me off. I can deal with any one or two factions; but as a herd, I can't win. We bring over a snack and appropriate drink and gift. We stay for a couple of hours and we give them very little notice.

    For the most part, I like my extended family; just not as a large group. The few that I cannot tolerate ... I don't visit.
     
    Stan, Dec 4, 2012
    #33
    • Like Like x 1
  14. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    My problem is that generally when it's that big, it's because my mother-in-law is hosting. It's pretty much required that I be there because my husband won't let me not be there (he's a glutton for punishment when it comes to his family for a variety of reasons). My SIL doesn't show up to stuff all the time, but she's given a free pass because she's shy and she needs to spend time with her widowed mother. I'm not shy, and thus I am seen as a good person to have at family functions in a family filled with shy people. My family being present doesn't get taken into account because in my MIL's view, they should just come over for Christmas. But honestly, after living with them for eight months, I don't want to spend Christmas with my parents this year.

    Thankfully, I think we'll mostly be spending Christmas with one side of the family this year, sans kiddos. The kiddos are just too much for the older members of one side of the family, and my MIL recognizes that. Hell, the kiddos are just too much for most of us. I like kids, but when I was teaching preschool, the last thing I wanted was to be around 3-year-olds on my holidays.

    Someday I will spend Christmas in Hawaii like I want to.
     
    snowy, Dec 4, 2012
    #34
  15. Cayvmann

    Cayvmann Very Tilted

    Location:
    Central North Carolina
    Hawaii sounds real good to me... I'll be shuttling between three cities between Xmas eve and Xmas day. The evening of Xmas I will be home, alone... heh, a bottle of something brown, with a high alcohol content, sounds good
     
    Cayvmann, Dec 4, 2012
    #35
    • Like Like x 1
  16. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    Ugh, my MIL wants to do Christmas Eve with all the in-laws--my parents and my SIL's mom. I don't want to. My SIL's mom is kind of obnoxious.
     
    snowy, Dec 20, 2012
    #36
  17. Craven Morehead

    Craven Morehead Very Tilted

    Location:
    third rock from the sun
    In that case snowy might I suggest a nice framboise lambic and a Vicodin.
     
    Craven Morehead, Dec 20, 2012
    #37
    • Like Like x 1
  18. kattoes

    kattoes New Member

    Location:
    Southwest
    Dark dark chocolate and Pinot Noir with a chaser of Valium.
     
    kattoes, Dec 20, 2012
    #38
  19. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    Yes, you might. That sounds like winning.
     
    snowy, Dec 20, 2012
    #39
  20. Charlatan

    Charlatan sous les pavés, la plage

    Location:
    Temasek
    Our solution was to move to Singapore. We Skype various family member or they come to visit us. Simple.
     
    Charlatan, Dec 20, 2012
    #40
    • Like Like x 2
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