Does your SO/you give bj's? Maybe NSFW.

We have been married for almost 13 years and she has never blown me. Her reason is that its grose.... i have always been ok with it. I tried to get her to once about 10 or so years ago and she quickly put a halt on that. I go down on her, i get pleasure out of knowing she likes it and she gets off on it. In the past couple of months she seems to be getting closer to actually doing it. I may be wrong though...
My question is this. Is there something i can do or say to get her to do it??? Or just leave it alone and let it be like its been forever... women.... how many of you dont do it for the same reason????

 

I feel the same way, that I would enjoy going down on a girl [friend] when she enjoys it and gets off from it. I have a general lack of experience though, so I don't really have any insights to your situation, and is why I said that I 'would' enjoy going down.

But I just did read a post on another thread the other day that dealt with this sort of thing and linked an article that may be worth reading...
Things you may like that your partner doesn't quite, and vice-versa

 

It's been 13 years. The status quo must, on some level, be acceptable to you.
Be patient, maybe it will happen.
Pick your battles.

 

It is acceptable to a certin point. But gesh...

 

Why is it gross to her? Is she afraid it may be unclean? Maybe suggesting a shower together beforehand? You say she seems closer to trying it now, maybe as time passed she feels enough intimacy has been shared to give it a go but would like some encouragement? Maybe because she was so squeamish before she feels weird about saying she wants to try it now? Maybe she doesn't like the hair and would prefer if you shave if you don't already? Maybe try some flavored oils and it would be more... palatable? Maybe if you give her a massage with some flavored oils and oral and encourage her to give it a try... you may have to get her to loosen up with some wine and put it on your manly bits yourself?

 

Rarely ... my wife simply isn't into oral sex that much, which is a shame since I enjoy both very much. And it's not communication, it's simply different drives after decades of being together. While frustrating to some extent, I realise that there are things I don't do that she would like so it's a bit of give and take (although my shortcomings tend to be less in the sexual area and more in the more mundane areas of life).

 

Maybe you just need to wrap it up in a condom first. Then you are dealing w the taste of latex but any old flavor supplement will do because you'll toss the damned rubber before you carry on with the main event (assuming she'd accept it as part of foreplay).

 

I had no idea so many people were going without oral sex. Not sure I'd be in an on going relationship that didn't include oral sex (both ways.) Heck it's not that uncommon for me to get oral sex while driving home from an evening out. Not sure I have any advice to add, especially since it sounds like this was the deal when you began the relationship. I'm still stuck on the "I go down on her but she won't go down on me" statement. But I think if that was the original deal you're likely stuck with the situation.

Another thing to think about, in my mind anyway, would be how much fun would it be to have your partner engage in an act they don't enjoy... at all. I mean you said she considered it "gross," right? What kind of BJ do you think you're going to get from someone who considers what they're doing "gross?" I envision a lack luster "ok, ok, I'll put in in my mouth (yuk!) and I'll move my head up/down or back and forth but that's it... and I'm going to hate every minute while doing it." In my own experience if either partner seriously dislikes a sexual activity engaging in said activity is less then rewarding for either party.

 

I tend to agree with tully. If she doesn't like it, then how much fun is that going to be? And, coming from a woman's perspective, or this woman's perspective, if I don't already like giving head, there's no amount of flavored oils or condoms or funny hats that will make that putting that cock in my mouth seem fabulous. And, I mean, come on, giving head is not about the taste or even the act itself anyway. It's totally a psycho-sexual thing. We do it because we get off on the submission or, conversely, the power or it makes us feel naughty, whatever. It's one size fits all. But the one common denominator is that it has to be erotically stimulating to the giver. I don't think any amount of serious discussion about needs is going to ameliorate a preexisting aversion to blowjobs. But, if it can be reimagined as an act that fits into her sexual persona - you know, if she likes to be submissive or dominant or 'slutty' or teasing - then there might be a chance for her to rethink and be more open to giving head.

 

I know ralphie is getting all kinds of communicate advice. I'm hoping that if his SO is purely against giving head because she has an aversion for precum/ejaculate, or a hypocritical "ew, he pees out of there", the idea of a barrier (with something to hide the latex taste) would help defuse such concerns. I know that a BJ while wearing a rubber just doesn't make the grade. But if you are getting nothing at all a little bit of foreplay oral from time to time can make a huge difference.

 

If you do sit down and talk about it, let her know she would be the one in complete control of you. Totally enjoy it at the same time.

 

The "its gross" comes from her dislike of germs not a fobia. Ive showered before, and during sex and nothing ever happened, but i guess what im concerned about more is her getting all pissed off and storming out and being pissed off for a week or a day. There has been alot of good advice here so far but tully and MM make since in the "im just doing this to shut you up"she kinda thing. But we havent discussed it in years. Maybe it might be time to revisit the subject.

 

I was married to a woman that didn't do oral. Now I'm not.

All in all, it's better than it was.

 

Mine will occasionally kiss it a bit, but no BJ for the Cayvmann. Worse yet, she won't even let me try to give her oral ( I've been told that it's one of my better skill sets ). Sad really ( I am slowly trying to erode her resistance, but I have no idea if it will ever work )

 

Wine, blindfold, restraints?