Couple life in Company

Can you elaborate a bit on this point? I'm not sure to have understood...


Glory Sun: thank you, I think that more than others you've understood the point. Btw is a point where we came back from time to time due to episodes more or less similar, there will be time to elaborate more maybe... Let's saying that having a social-couple balance have been a bit of an issue for us since the beginning (a minor one indeed... we discuss more than fight, and quite rarely I think... the biggest issue is her relationship with her parents, which is a very complicated, conficted and morbously attached one).

Yes, maybe is was quite a child-petulant action for me to do, but the whole evening was turning simply so boring and unconfortable, struck with people I don't care about, that the only reasonable thing I could think about was to salute the ones near me and kiss goodbye... She was so careless that took 5 minutes to understand what was going on and call me. For sure she was embarassed, as so was I, but I appreciated the fact that she called me back and that from that moment on gave consideration about my well being.

I personally don't think was "worried about what you'll say or do "this time", maybe I started with the wrong foot here, but I am not exactly the "weird guy of the gorgeus girl, that always says something embarassing" and so on. I have not so much of a good consideration of myself, but I think to have a decent social life with a more than average consideration among my peers (not exactly the nerdy kind). I don't describe myself as a "social animal", as she surely is, but definetly not the guy to be ashamed of... at least I hope so... :S

I simply trying to pretend some consideration (thank you Rogue49 for the suggestion ) from my partner, maybe is that I'm not an early 20 anymore (with my ex I have the impression that I was far less considered and pretended less consideration), or maybe is just me and I am attached too much to this girl, maybe we need more time to calibrate each other since we start from different backgrounds and ages... or I don't know

 

i could use those major reasons and tell you why it does ring alarm bells.

1. she's young - shes been in this relationship since a young age, and she may wonder about what other pastures may offer
2. they arent married - there's no ring on the finger, and its a sign that shes not taken, and she may see it that way. i wont speculate that she is cheating. im not in a position to judge that sort of thing, but the fact that she wont introduce him as her partner is bothering. i see it as a lack of commitment.
3. they havent had issues before - now that the OP is aware of what may or may not be going on, this issue is going to continue to be a thorn in his side until either one of them relents.

p.s. the middle eastern comment wasnt aimed at you glory.

 

A girl who's satisfied usually does not hesitate to tell everyone she's taken, or to introduce her SO. Conversely, those who are curious may hesitate to signal their unavailability. End of the day, I rely on my gut instinct; it's usually right.

 

She always tells anyone that she's taken, and that obviously doesn't stop anyone... we are in Italy!
Introducing to others are simply manners, expecially if you come in out of the blue, but you can forget manners after a couple of Long Island Iced Tea...

 

i just mean that she's young and that you shouldn't take her flirting in clubs personally up to as far as you can stomach it personally... which is probably further than people in most other countries. if a girl is attractive and in the full bloom of her youth she's going to want to enjoy the effect she has on people especially in a place like a club. as long as she doesn't cross whatever line you have in your particular relationship, that's all fine and good, especially when you're the one she goes home with. but looking at your other posts it sounds like you know this already.

 

Whoa, it's pretty scary when I find myself agreeing with Glory's Sun to the point that I don't bother to quote any of the OP or responses.

Let's take a look at the Henry Rollins Growth Phases of Intimate Relationships:

Source - Spoken Word Live!

1. "I can't get enough of you, girl. We need to be attached at the hip!"
2. "What do you mean you talk to other dudes?"
3. Quietly Paranoid
4. Oblivious
5. Oblivious with really angry ground rules
6. Oblivious with Heat-style ground rules

 

Indeed.

Minor threadjack:

Hey, what if we flip this around: How many dudes would be happy here if their friends didn't think their partner was worth fucking?

I sleep better at night knowing that in the dark recesses of my friends' minds that they would righteously rail my current girlfriend.

Given the whole "ugly partner = no confidence," it's hard to be all Alpha As Fuck (TM) if you don't have a woman that turns heads.

 

is this where you bait me to talk about my nympho wife?


.......

We used to be friends with this one couple that was completely "vanilla". They didn't know our ummm... proclivities, but my wife could tell the other woman was frustrated and completely interested in trying shit. Thankfully, she left it alone because her husband was the over-bearing, psycho, jealous type. He probably didn't want any dudes thinking his wife was worth fucking. Needless to say, we abandoned that friendship years ago.

Some dudes like the idea of men thinking/wanting their girls, but I wonder how many of them would actually allow her to get some strange even if it were a MMF threesome. Some dudes can't get over that whole "territorial" ownership thing. :shrug:

 

Heh.

...it should go without saying that you can be friends with couples/people without removing your pants.

In fact, every couple should have friends like this. It, uh, helps foster proper interpersonal boundaries.

Well, try not to confuse your alternative lifestyle with a higher existence. The couple you mention here is suffering from a lack of communication and matching carnal desires, not a lack of extra cockmeat in their bedroom sandwich. Specific examples aside, I think it's obvious that the main problem couples have--especially younger couples--is that there is a lot of uncertainty and absolutely no way to be sure that the other person is playing it straight with you. Vulnerability creates trust issues--whether you're the odd new boyfriend at a girl's night out shaking hands and trying to remember names or sliding into your buddy's wife for the first time--that non-corporeal sparkly unicorn of trust is what you think of when you're not concerned with things in meatspace. There's a person inside that body, sometimes its hard to separate the two. I'd like to think I've made progress in that area.

 

touché

Oh we do. We have many friends that we don't get crazy with. The only reason I brought it up was in reference to the fact that the wife wanted to try shit with mine, but her husband was so insanely jealous that even that situation would have presented problems. It was just a toxic relationship and we didn't want to be around it.

I think you know that I don't consider it a higher experience. C'mon now. I was looking for a new Katy Perry remix... not some over-the-top psycho-analysis of my relationship in regards to your threadjack.

I agree with most of this. It wasn't just a lack of communication or carnal desires not being aligned. It was more of a control issue for the male, which was obviously due to some sort of insecurity but it bled into the unhealthy zone. As far as my wife and I go, we don't actually bring up our lifestyle around most meatspace couples. We're actually pretty laid back and observant and rarely, if ever, spout our business unless someone else brings it up and we can tell they are for real. Even then, it's a rarity based on the sole fact that we're picky as fuck and don't want people getting all crazy.

 

You know I've got the goods.

 

. We Middle Easterners take this shit very serious.

Is that a Persian terrorist?

 

The only opinion I have is, if a woman I was dating just wanted me to 'blend in' with all the other guys at a bar, flirting with her, I'd tell her to fuck off and continue on with my introverted existence. Fuuuuuuuuck that. Incompatibility starts right there.

 

It seems to me that there is a rock in the shoe; in that Raghnar is upset with her more for not introducing him and more or less ignoring him in these situations. IMHO, it was rude to not do introductions; but perhaps she would prefer he not have come to the club. Either way, this is the kind of thing that can fester and ruin a relationship. It sounds like a boundaries issue.

Raghnar, you and your GF need to have a serious heart to heart talk. If she doesn't want you to track her down in these situations, then you need to understand that and be ok with it. If she doesn't think it was rude then you need to make sure she understands your feelings and is willing to change her behavior.