Bigger penis.

ACK!!

 

Yesterday, I happened to overhear part of a TV show about some fictional paramedics. They were called on to rescue a woman driver who was being strangled by a python. The snake belonged to her ex-boyfriend, and in the course of explaining how she came to have it in her car, she complained to the paramedics that her ex-boyfriend's penis was very small. But she didn't just mention it, she went on and on about it, and attributed his choice of pet to his undersized endowment. From then on, as more and more people arrived to try to handle the snake, the owner's small penis size was brought up again and again, as a kind of running gag.

I guess a small penis is just inherently funny.

 

To be maybe a bit overly pedantic here, all this was fiction. She was an actor speaking lines that were written for her.

And from what little I heard, the ex-boyfriend (whose snake had been stolen) wasn't given any face or voice to respond. He was just an object of everyone's ridicule.

Check the Pointless Announcements thread if you're wondering why I'm extra-special irascible tonight. I am literally in too much pain to go to bed. Aren't earaches fun?

 

Yup!
When my wife had her IUD she would "stab" me with the strings when riding cowgirl style ... not fun :-/

 

I heard a news report a couple of years ago. When the airports started using the xray machines that revealed too much anatomy, one male guard made fun of another guard's small penis. The offended party beat the crap out of him with a baton

 

Things are little slow around here, so I'm going to post some mostly useless thoughts, observations, and questions.

Male escorts and gigalos. I don't know any women who would admit to hiring an escort or a gigalo. My thinking is if a woman hired an escort with the possibility of sex in mind, or a gigalo specifically for sex, she would expect his penis size to be above average. Along the lines of you don't go an expensive restaurant expecting so-so food .

Male strippers. One of our married female friends loved going to male strip clubs (MSC), and my wife accompanied her a few times. One of my wife's other female friends handled the interior design at a very popular MSC. The one common factor the dancers shared--in addition to being in shape and reasonably good looking--was having a very obvious bulge (the clubs didn't allow full male nudity, but erections slipping out did lead to bigger tips). The most popular dancers were the ones with the larger 'packages.' I suppose this relates to men going to a female strip clubs wanting to see large breasts (although in my very limited experience many/most of the female dancers were quite young, as in barely the legal age, and hadn't yet had breast implants).

So most women say that penis size doesn't matter IRL normal sex. But does it matter when women want to be entertained, or serviced by a pro? Does anyone have knowledge of the world male escorts, gigalos, and strippers they would care to share?

Clearly even a well endowed escort or gigalo would need to have some skill and staying power.

 

By "normal" I'm referring to getting laid the usual ways--dating, one nighters, instant chemistry, sympathy fucks, deciding that screwing a friend might be OK after all, chance happening, etc.

That ties into my rambling about escorts & gigalos. I guess that "too big" would/could apply whether it a normal (see above) lay, or directly paying for it.

I know for a fact that my wife and other women are curious about and fantasize about trying to accomodate a large penis. Like any fantasy the reality might or might not meet expectations.

A derail........I read an interesting erotica story where a guy wanted a threesome with two women, and somehow wound up with three women. He discovered that he couldn't keep up with three women (maybe the story was written pre-ED meds). It was intentionally humorous, but contained some truth.

 

Yeah. I discovered that keeping up with two women was almost impossible, three would be out of the question

 

Maybe if it included some toys, a willingness by all parties to be open minded and creative. Perhaps boner pills, although the guy would need to be in shape. I know that I wouldn't want to have to explain to the ER folks why I suffered a heart attack during a foursome, or even worse kick the bucket during one.

 

my inital thought is that id be happy to explain to the people in the er how i suffered said heart attack.

 

You make a good point. "I was doing three women" sounds better than "I was doing too much yard work."

That's pretty much what my wife says. To paraphrase her, "If I'm going to try group sex I want dicks, the real thing, not toys."

 

But suppose you're a one-and-done guy who needs lots of recovery time, or you end up with performance anxiety, and it turns out the women like each other much more than they like you. AND decide that they no longer want you to particpate (limp dick = useless dick) or even watch.

How's the above for a Worse Case Scenario/Total Fantasy Destroyer ?