Bf is on the small side, will sexual intercourse suck?

bad joke

 

Ahem...

Somebody had to post it.

...

chelle,

I'm glad you got down to Teh Sex. Now you need to train this dude. He's going to need a Rocky-style montage... get in there and punch his meat until he's a lean, mean, pink-slayin', mutual-orgasm-doin' machine. You two can do it! Guy should feel like USMC boot camp opened up on his crotch.

 

Our hero KirStang already said that.

And if Chelle posts one more "problem with sex" thread I'm going to post a Plan9 Edutainment Series in Titled Exhibition demonstrating how to properly Do'eth Ye Olde Nasty using my current girlfriend and animated .GIFs. This is... ridickulous. Somebody needs to throw her a bone.

 

LoL, train him. Well hopefully. I don't wanna go through the entire relationship or possibly my life with sex lasting only 1 minute.

 

On the bright side, he got past mid-thigh.

 

Oh... uh... so...

I did up another remix of Kanye's bit from that E.T. song just for Chelle's situation.

This thread is Hall of Fame. Dick talk goes on for days.
And I'd give my left nut up for Chelle's boy to get laid.
She's a legend. His erection? Unimpressive.
Sex so baa-aaa-aaad, 60 seconds, she all saa-aaa-aaad.
Welcome to let down zone. New dude hung like snausage, see?
TFP was shocked that old boy made into her panties.
We're calling her a weirdo, sayin' that she worries too much.
Fact is her man got a cock that couldn't fill a shot glass up.



Yeaaah.

 

It times like these that I want to cuddle next to 9'er and listen to the whiteboy flows all night.

 

i'm glad u guys find this funny

 

You notice this... NOW?

EDIT: I just checked. They've been finding your situation funny since page 2.

 

No I didn't just notice.

 

Ok chelle, I'm going to lay out how TFP answers a question on this board. It goes a little bit like this.

OP (That would be Original Post/Poster) asks a question. 9/10 it is bit silly in nature or it's one that can only be answered by the OP (Usually relating to social matters, sex, or Life In General (tm)). Most of the time there is no "right" answer to the question and the people responding to the question can only post their own past experiences based on what the OP is going through.

1-7 posts: Real answers, mostly from the (incredibly smart) females and the "sensitive" men of the board (those who actually CARE about people's feelings). These are GREAT answers and usually are right on point with their analysis of the situation that the OP is in.

7-10 posts: One of three things usually happens. Jazz rides on his high horse and lays down some heavy handed advice, Plan9er comes in with his witty/I'M NOT A GENUS (TM) remarks, or Glory's asshole somehow relates buttsexes to the OP. Now, the advice given by these three Men among Men will be correct and what the OP needs to hear. The OP will not listen because well... it's coming without the sugar coating that most advice is given in. This will cause a chain reaction that will start the derailing of the thread (as we joke about our responses or pat each other on the back for being so damn funny). Unless new facts/posts comes from the OP (or someone random pops in to lay down some "WTF are you talking about" advice), the thread is pretty much done.

Most OP at this point stop posting in their thread because they either A) are tired of putting up with our jokes or B) found the one random piece of advice that matches what they were going to do anyway and will run with it.

10-15 posts (if it makes it this far): Will be late people showing up to the thread to post basically what the first 7 posters posted. Otherwise it will be poop/fart jokes, someone talking about sodomy and hobbits, or Baraka Guru trying to show off his street cred.

Now, if the OP comes in with new info, this chain starts over again. If this new info is basically "Why are you people making fun of me and/or talking about anal", the thread is done. There is no bringing it back as we (as in the jokesters/layabouts/hooligans [myself included]) will just make comments to make each other laugh.

Once TFP hits boystown and the sodomy jokes, it's all downhole from there.

I hope by the time you read this, you know I Am Joking ™ and to not take me seriously. I'm just here for the gangbang.

 

That my friends.. is truth.

Some people will sugar coat it, some of us will laugh at you and still give you the advice you seek.. some of us don't really give a shit either way because we find the whole thing to be over-thought and pointless.

Despite the jokes and the gangbang, there is plenty of good advice out there. The main crux of this advice is to quit thinking about it so much and explore each other and have fun. We aren't robots, our penises aren't mythical beings that can pound a cervix into oblivion on each and every attempt. We aren't all wired the same, we aren't a porn film. Quit watching porn. It's edited.

And if all else fails, go back and re-read Lordeden 's post. It's truth in black and white.

 

Pfft, speak for yourself.

 

Couldn't someone have told me this sooner!!!!

 

the fact that you now have it as your user-status makes me smile in a way that cheshire cat would envy.

 

Sorry chelle, but in the grand scheme of things, your situation is a bit of a non- problem, as I see it. That you consider it to be a problem, and that it has garnered so many sincere responses - is rather funny.

 

Agreed. I haven't really posted in here, because.. well chelle, your problem isn't worth my time.

 

I don't think you meant to come off in the way that you did, so could you rephrase this? It's a serious matter to her and she is seeking advice. For some reason it was worth your time to say this matter was not worth your time. Your silence would have sufficed.

chelle, people have problems and seek answers. We should be open to hearing them out and giving advice even if we think the solution maybe obvious. There are only so many ways we can all agree on a solution. Yes we get off topic...a lot. I am also at fault for this. Sorry dearie. We don't find your problem funny, we find ourselves funny...even if we really aren't.

Lordeden did actually present how the threads tend to roll. When new information doesn't get mentioned...we continue with our potty humor.

 

+1