Basically, am I a selfish bitch?

Yes, that is selfish. You can't be responsible for anyone else's feelings or behaviours, only your own. If you don't have the conversation, you are living a lie. If you break ties with no explanation, that would be hurtful, and quite frankly, cowardly. My advice to you is have the conversation, or tell him you can no longer be freinds and tell him why.

 

Well, have you thought about just trying to have sex with him to see if its any good?

It sounds like you like him but don't fancy him, but if he's astonishing in bed it might change your mind?

Otherwise, there isnt really an easy answer and it probably wont get any better for him until he finds someone else to fix his feelings on. So maybe try to help him hook up with one of your friends?

 

Which he won't do if he's holding out for you.....

 

Not be trite, or make judgments based only on someone's age... but the lad's 18 and most likely his feelings for the girl who started the thread are intense, but perhaps not so constant.

Just speaking for myself, I have been "friend zoned" plenty of times in my life, and its amazing how you can be so into someone and then 6 months later you're into the next girl and you cant even remember what it was you liked about the last one.

Since there isnt much in this for him other than she likes having him around to bolster her own ego and she doesnt want to upset him by "dumping" him (and I'm not trying to be harsh, or saying that I havent been in relationships for a lot worse reasons than that, thats how it seems to me), its likely he's as "in love" with the idealized version of her as his girlfriend than he is with the real her.

The best option would probably still be to give having sex a go imo. Or maybe just ask him to give you a lapdance and see if it gets you going?

 

I can remember having a crush on a girl at 18 that was so intense that I cannot describe it.

I used to go to her house almost every night, I used to buy CD's of bands she liked just so I could pretend I liked them to and could lend them to her, I used to listen to her go on and on about all kinds of rubbish that I had no interest in.

Never so much as had a hand job off of her.

Honestly I cant picture her face now. And I was totally over her and wouldnt say anymore than "hi" when I walked passed her 3 months later (and was into someone else of course)

But how I am isn't how everyone is. I think I just used to put myself out and do so much for someone that I eventually got fed up and felt they were taking the piss out of me and taking advantage and then completely go off them... while the whole time they were probably oblivious to half of what I was thinking. I also probably am relatively selfish in relationships, and yet I act incredibly selflessly 95% of the time, until I cant take it. Maybe thats another way of saying the same thing.

(I did lose my virginity to the "best friend" of this girl though, and she (the girl I shagged) probably only did it cos she actually hated the girl I had a crush on... so it did come to something, and it was probably one of the single best nights of my life, although I did get hurt later in the night when I slipped over in the ice while trying to throw a platter of sandwiches at a man... this is a whole other story though)

 

This article is obviously written by some guy who thinks he'll get laid off the back of it by pretending to be into women's rights and so on.

_

The one thing I would say in regard to all this is that all of these methodologies of dating are rubbish insofar as they claim to be universal.

Its naive to think that there are not nice looking girls who lead guys along they know are obsessed with them, because it boosts their ego, because they exploit them, and who know that the guy is only hanging around because he has a crush on her. This article calls the guy a sexist for wanting sex with a girl? Why not call the girl a sexist for using the guys attraction to her to wrap him round her finger?

Some girls sleep with nice guys, some girls sleep with utter pricks who they can barely stand. Some guys the same.

_

But taking advantage of someone is taking advantage of someone, whatever your gender is.

 

Well, why would you want advice from a woman on how to get girls? They wont tell the truth.

 

Anyone who claims to be able to tell people universals in regards to human relationships I would call either a fool or a trickster.

Claiming that every time a guy is friendzoned it is because he is a sexist pig who is only after sex, and the woman is a blameless princess who had no way at all to know the guy was after sex is as ridiculous as claiming all women are materialistic and vain.

Both are false as universals, and might be true in some individual cases.

 

No, I am not saying that it is manipulative to not want to sleep with someone you dont want to.

I am saying it is manipulative if you use the fact that you know someone has sexual feelings for you to exploit them, and you flirt with them just enough to keep them interested, with no intention of going through with it.

If a girl knows a guy is after one thing, and she doesnt fancy it, she ought to be asking herself the questions the person who started this thread is.

If she is instead asking herself how much she can get the guy to run around for her... she is being manipulative.

_

As for why not be friends... I suppose its possible, but I dont think relationships between men and women work that way very often... usually there is an attraction on one side or the other (and it isnt always a guy lusting after a girl) that the other person is using to top their ego up without really ever intending to do anything about.

 

Same tired, old story.

Asshole-ism is missing. She'll meet a couple cool and smooth-talking jerks as she goes along, get tossed around for a while, then realize just how much better it would have been to simply have had a relationship with the guy that fits better with her than anyone else.

Also: Everything Plan9 said.

 

I was totally going to point out that girls get friend zoned, too. But I think "bro zone" has a nicer ring to it.

Anyway. It still seems silly to me to end a friendship because you don't have romantic sexy time feelings for the guy. But if it really is obvious that he has those feelings for you...well, take a step back. Re-evaluate.

...I really have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about.

 

I think it is true that girls can get bro-zoned.

But I think its more regularly the case that they end up stuck with guys who sleep with them, and the girl is thinking that eventually the guy will make a commitment, settle down, get more serious about things. But the guy never intends to, but keeps her hoping because its just simpler to have someone available for sex than to have to go try find someone, until in the end she leaves him after wasting a couple of years on some adult child who's idea of a good date is 10 beers and a fight outside the kebab shop with a random lout.

Which is equally as manipulative as the girl who has some guy running around after her by flirting with him just enough to make him keep interested.

 

In defense of the women and girls... a simple smile will keep their hopes alive. Oh man, you should have met my best friend...