after the break-up

I think many people make the error assuming a great gender divide when it comes to emotions. If there are differences, it's more in terms of how the emotions are manifested, rather than the emotions themselves.

I roll my eyes whenever I hear a guy say that women are too emotional. This is because I know men are easily just as emotional but that they handle their emotions differently.

I don't often challenge these guys when they say that. This is because in the past I've found that if I challenge their perceptions on this, they get too emotional about it.

So I think the "swearing off men" or "swearing off women" is more "swearing off romantic relationships." It's not that all men deserve to be sworn off or that all women deserve it. It's that romantic relationships are hard. It's because we're all emotional beings who handle our emotions in our own ways.

Most of us would do well to take the time to understand where people are coming from. This, in addition to understanding ourselves better. I'm not excluded from this by any means.

 

Just be careful with this. If he's a crafty beta male like me, we can actually be quite dangerous in the friend zone.

Actually, the best of us beta males intentionally jump immediately into the friend zone to go after some alpha punani as though it were an inside job akin to a heist (yes, with schematics and everything). It's a risky long-game, but when it pays off, wow!

Outside the friend zone? Many of us are completely useless on the outside. For some like me, the friend zone is all we know.

 

Let me put it this way: If I were to suddenly find myself in "the dating game," I'd be like a deer caught in the headlights. I wouldn't know where to begin. Something about an Internet dating profile or something? Is that right?

Screw that noise. I'd instead Facebook message some of my female friends and be all like, "Hey, you wanna hang?" *evil offscreen grin*

 

You boys are so cute. This reminds me of my husband. I asked him recently on one of our adventures how he'd gotten dates. He shrugged and said, "I didn't really do anything. I just hung out with women and stuff happened."

 

Yeah, this is pretty much me too.

Yeah, this is pretty much me too.

 

deep in the friend zone....

 

This is where I do my best work.

For some reason, it tends to lure alpha females. Yeah, they come after me. Don't ask me why.

 

You'll get there. It takes time. I've got a friend going through a similar thing right now. After 10+ years, he and his het partner broke up. He's never really dated; he was always the shy guy and never found his independent confidence before they got together. He doesn't believe me when I tell him dating is a numbers and practice game. Think of it solely in terms of getting out of the house and doing new things, and it will be fine. Just don't try to date more than 5 people at a time...it gets messy.
--- merged: Apr 2, 2013 at 4:40 PM ---

Oh, it TOTALLY does. I try to step back and let him take charge sometimes, but all that does is end in frustration for me. He does have his alpha moments, and they're pretty hot.

 

Oh man! You alphas! Trying to get us to make decisions! It's your aphrodisiac, ain't it?

 

You heard it here folks, I'm not a jerk.

Must've *just* made the cut.

 

Well, what I like is when he makes a decision without hemming and hawing, it's just DONE, BAM, he's in control. I can't stand when I say, "Oh, it's fine, you decide," and then he can't make up his mind.

 

What do you mean by this question exactly? Can you unpack it a bit?

 

View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BaUWOyW8Lw


you've got the kavorka!

 

What happens a lot with us is that she'll say, "You decide," and I automatically ask, "Well, what do you want?" I normally ask because I would be happy with a number of options and would like some feedback from her. She, on the other hand, just wants me to fucking decide and be done with it.

 

I don't think serial monogamy is completely an alpha/beta thing, though there may be some relation. Maybe more beta personalities end up staying in relationships longer because they are afraid to take the risk of jumping, or because they don't have the same drive to continue to impress new females, or whatever. But I'd say they also lose a lot of relationships because women leave them, or don't consider them seriously for long term, or the like. It's probable that some alpha males express that by being promiscuous, by leaving "old" relationships in want of change, or by always continuing on to the next challenge.

But I think there are a lot of exceptions to that. Some more dominant guys find the right person who makes them happy, and they have other outlets to explore challenges or change in their life. Some more submissive guys are still little weasels that will do anything to get some female attention.

I think most people who know me in real life consider me to have a pretty dominant personality. Though I consider myself a bit of a social chameleon, able to adapt to almost any social group or situation, I am usually one who is in the middle of the action. I guess JewelsMari is the only one here who has extensive online interaction with me that has also seen me in social settings in person, so I'd be interested in seeing if she agrees. That being said, I consider myself a dominant person and I am (especially at this stage of my life) very happy being serially monogamous. But a huge part of that IMO was finding the right person. My wife and I compliment each other by the differences in our opinion, and those differences allow each of us to be who we are without conflicting with each other much.