Adult Science Jokes

An electron sitting in a prison asked a second electron cellmate, "What are you in for?"

To which the latter replied, "For attempting a forbidden transition..."

 

Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex???

Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum,
and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position...

 

A wry young man in science class had to give an oral demonstration,
so with a smirk he said, "I need to give you a visual aide for this..."

So he turned over his hand onto the desk, with fingers curled under and scuttling around like a spider
"This is a centimeter"

Then he flips his hand over to its back suddenly, his curled fingers in the twitching in the air spasmodically

"What's this???"
It's an Erg...a dyne centimeter.

 

Q: What is the dullest element?

A: Bohrium...

 

At the end of the semester, a 10th-grade chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand and said, "Never lick the spoon..."

 

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

 

Q: How did the political science major define free radical on his chemistry exam?

A: A wild protestor...

 

From one of my favorite science comic, XKCD. Now that's an adult science joke.

 

Q: How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?

A: Avocados number...

 

Why do Computer Scientists take so long in the shower?

The instructions on the shampoo are: Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

 

When a third grader was asked to cite Newton's first law, she said, "Bodies in motion remain in motion, and bodies at rest stay in bed unless their mothers call them to get up..."

 

OK, another from XKCD. This one is deep.
Good for a lazy Sunday.

 

Q: What is the name of the first electricity detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms...

 

Why do Computer Scientists get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Dec 25 = Oct 31

 

Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?

A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position...

 

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge..."

 

An engineer, physicist and mathematician are all staying in a hotel,
when a carpet fire breaks out in each of their rooms.

The engineer climbs out the window, gets the gardeners hose, fills the room to 2" and goes back to sleep.

The physicist looks at the volume of air, material of the carpet,
goes to the bathroom, gets .6 liters of water, dumps it on the carpet and goes back to sleep.

The mathematician looks at the fire, the size of the room, concludes the problem is easily solvable and goes back to sleep.