Adult Science Jokes

A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war.
He soon becomes familiar with the military habit of abbreviating everything.

As his unit comes under sustained attack, he is asked to urgently inform his HQ.
"NaCl over NaOH! NaCl over NaOH!" he says...
"NaCl over NaOH?" shouts his officer. "What do you mean?"
"The base is under a salt!" came the reply.



definitely feel under a salt...a ton of salt...survive Monday all.

 

What was that? I didn't hear you? I have no idea what you're talking about...

 

A statistician gave birth to twins, but only had one of them baptised...
She kept the other as a control.




gotta have a baseline...

 

A group of wealthy investors wanted to be able to predict the outcome of a horse race...

So they hired a group of biologists, a group of statisticians, and a group of physicists.
Each group was given a year to research the issue.

After one year, the groups all reported to the investors.
The biologists said that they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take 200 years and $100 billion.

The statisticians reported next...
They said that they could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of $100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time.

Finally, the physicists reported that they could also predict the outcome of any race, and that their process was cheap and simple.
The investors listened eagerly to this proposal...
The head physicist reported,
"We have made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere… "




wanna bet??

 

Werner Heisenberg is driving down the road and gets pulled over by a cop...

"Dr. Heisenberg, do you know why I pulled you over?"
"No, officer."
"Well, I just clocked you going exactly 100 miles per hour."
"Oh, thanks for nothing! Now I'm lost."



And so am I...but going nowhere.

 

Heisenberg, Godel and Chomsky walk into a bar...

Heisenberg says, "Clearly this is a joke, but how can we tell if it's funny or not?"

So Godel says, "Well we can't know for sure, because we're inside the joke."

To which Chomsky replies, "Of course it's funny, it's just not being told properly."



TGIF...

 

A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball...

The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid.
The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated the volume as a triple integral.
The engineer found the spec sheet for the ball on the vendor's web site.




the scary part...is I do all three.

 

A programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread...