Adult Science Jokes

Overheard in the greenhouse: "I'm so glad my husband's pollen tube isn't unicellular."

 

When Mr. Leno of the Tonight Show went J-walking and asked pedestrians some science questions, he discovered some amazing new facts about the universe:

Jay Leno: "Why does dew appear on plants in the morning when the Sun comes up?" A waitress: "Is it because the Sun makes them perspire?"

Jay Leno: "Why does the Moon orbit the Earth?" An auto mechanic: "To get to the other side?"

Jay Leno: What are magnets?" A taxi driver: "Are they the things crawling over a week-old dead cat?"

Jay Leno: Which is more useful, the Sun or the Moon?" A thirteen-year old: [Pause] "I think it's the Moon because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the Sun shines during the day when you don't need it."

 

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.
The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."

 

Q: What is Preparation A?
A: It is the name of an over-the-counter product used to relieve the pain and suffering of asteroids

 

What's the square root of 69?

Eight something...

 

It is reported that Copernicus' parents said the following to him at the age of twelve: "Copernicus, young man, when are you going to come to terms with the fact that the world does not revolve around you."

 

Two atoms were walking across a road when one says, "I think I lost an electron!"
The other replied, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive."



An offering to replace the one someone told already. ..

 

Term: transistor
Definition: a nun who's had a sex change.

 

The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines black holes as what you get in black socks.

 

Maybe it just needs to be explained in the appropriate context:
When pollen lands on the stigma of a flower, a chemical signal is sent from the stigma to the pollen which initiates pollen tube growth. A single cell expands the length of the stigma to fertilize an ovary. Double-fertilization occurs, in which two cells are fertilized within the plant. These develop into the embryo and endosperm.

Human fertilization is a little different. I'm sure you're familiar with the male equivalent for a pollen tube, and you can fathom how unrewarding it would be, were it unicellular.
--- merged: Mar 8, 2012 at 2:09 PM ---

This one got a lot of laughter when I told it to my friends. Thank you!

 

So tell me something...Do Greek cows say Mu?

 

"Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not in cockroaches." – a New York City tenant.

 

From the public, his discovery brought cheers.
From his wife, it drew nothing but torrents of tears.
"For you see," said Ms. Halley,
"He used to come daily;
Now he comes once every 70 years!"

 

Somewhere a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.

The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens...
he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention -- so he's let go.

The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade...
he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.

They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine.
He looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem....."