Adult Science Jokes

And the Lord said, "Let there be light," and there was light. He/she/it
saw that it was . . . bent . . . and verily backed he/she/it away therefrom
to ponder. Upon seeing that this anamoly would bring forth much confusion
and concern among his/her/its creations he/she/it summoned forth one of the
angels who lurked there about and gave him/her/it instruction.

"Goeth ye down to the earth and the inhabitants thereof with this sacred
law that I shall giveth thee and there thou shalt deliver it unto one who
shall be named Snell and thou shalt instruct him to diseminate this law
hither and yon to all the lowly students of Physics 101 so they may go
forth into the world and enlighten the inhabitants thereof regarding this
apparent error in my divine creation. Thou shalt admonish the one called
Snell that he is to make it clear that the law worketh in both directions,
yea going in and coming out, and that it is universal to all things that
possesseth a property I shall call optically clear wherein I have limited
the speed of light to less than that of the heavens. He shall call the
ratio between these two speeds the Holy Index of Refraction and he shall
writeth it down as I have given it to you, using the humble small letter n
and he shall separate the n of the heavens from the n of the materials
possessing the properties I have outlined by calling them n1 and n2. The
Holy Convention shall dictate that n1 is to the left and n2 to the right so
that all shall proceed with their calculations in the same manner. Thus it
shall be for all time, yea, even relativistic."

Thus the angel went down to the earth and did as he/she/it had been
instructed by the Lord and it came to pass that Snell, being a faithful and
obedient servant of the Lord, did precisely as he had been instructed. The
Lord saw that this was good and named he/she/it the results of the law
refraction and the people of the earth accepted his/her/its law in all its
various forms, yea, even the simpleminded thin lens formula, and rejoiced
in the name of the Lord and the word refraction was on the lips of every
student who had the great privelege of graduating from high school.

 

TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING THE MATH HOMEWORK

1. Isaac Newton's birthday.
2. I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
4. I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
5. I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
6. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
7. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
8. I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
9. I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
10. I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.

 

ahh...the grant game, one of the reasons scientists are so "well paid".

 

**this bit means something to me...reminds me of the time I spent entering in molecular formulas into a pharmaceutical firm's database

 

Religion can be a troll at times...

 

especially if they're really huge...

or another way of looking at it, at least you won't need lube for this one.

Now, that's adult.

 

when they touched, it was as if everything exploded...

 

boy, do I feel like one of these rats today...

 

and that tail seems to go on forever...

 

geez...these liberals and conservatives...

 

in honor of recent events...

 

my future??

 

**but officer I was just going along with the flow of traffic...

 

ahead of the curve & ahead of the times...

 

oh, so THAT'S why I can't get off my butt...

 

I need money...