Adult Science Jokes

Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job...

 

Richard Feynman! surely you're joking...need to find my bongos...

 

The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time...

 

There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs...

 

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist sees the glass completely full...half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

 

Garbage to ten decimal places is still garbage...

 

Klein bottle for rent--inquire within...

 

There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, and those who do not understand it...

 

No use being a geek, unless you can prove it...

 

It is said that Lisp programmers know that memory management is so
important that it cannot be left to the users and C programmers know
that memory management is so important that it cannot be left to the
system...

 

IBM Canada Ltd. of Markham, Ont., ordered some parts from a new supplier
in Japan. The company noted in its order that acceptable quality
allowed for 1.5 per cent defects (a fairly high standard in North
America at the time).
The Japanese sent the order, with a few parts packaged
separately in plastic. The accompanying letter said: "We don't know
why you want 1.5 per cent defective parts, but for your convenience,
we've packed them separately..."

 

In a forest a fox bumps into a little rabbit, and says, "Hi,
Junior, what are you up to?"
"I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes," said
the rabbit.
"Come now, friend rabbit, you know that's impossible! No one
will publish such rubbish!"
"Well, follow me and I'll show you."
They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while the
rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face. Comes along a
wolf. "Hello, little buddy, what are we doing these days?"
"I'm writing the 2'nd chapter of my thesis, on how rabbits
devour wolves."
"Are you crazy? Where's your academic honesty?"
"Come with me and I'll show you."
As before, the rabbit comes out with a satisfied look on his
face and a diploma in his paw. Finally, the camera pans into the
rabbit's cave and, as everybody should have guessed by now, we see a
mean-looking, huge lion, sitting, picking his teeth and belching, next
to some furry, bloody remnants of the wolf and the fox.

The moral: It's not the contents of your thesis that are
important -- it's your PhD advisor that really counts...

 

Is Windows a Virus?
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1) They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2) Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3) Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay,
Windows does that too.

4) Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with
valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.

5) Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too
slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with
Windows, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running
on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and
they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So Windows is
not a virus.

It's a bug...

 

More "adult" material for you...

2 inches??? Well, I guess the "Motion of the Ocean" here applies...
And as long as she gets to be atop...

 

Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just
stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you
which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
one will answer...

 

I love Fractals...I could just eat them up...

 

I know it's lame...but I havta...

 

Take your pick...I love them all.

Although Physics is my soul-mate.