1st Crushes

I don't really remember any crushes. Im sure I had some. I do have a couple missed opportunities because I was young and awkward. Sonal Ghandi told me one day on the bus in 8th grade that I had nice eyes. I didn't know how to respond to that.
Then at the end of 9th grade, during yearbook signing, this little quiet curly red haired Jewish girl named Rachel signed my yearbook with her phone number and suggested I call her over the summer. I don't remember if we ever even talked in class, but she took a shot and I was too fucking stupid to call her. If I knew then what I know now....Still might have screwed it up. But at least I would have tried.

 

Corey Haim was the biggest celebrity crush.
Michael Scofield from 2nd grade... He was in 6th.

 

Fifth grade, Theresa D.
She had red hair, freckles, green eyes, and was smarter then most of the kids.
I was smitten.

 

There was a beautiful girl in my nursery school class with auburn hair and pale skin that I was smitten with without understanding why or how. During free time she and her friends liked to play House, and I asked to join them only so I'd get to pretend to be the family dog and have my girl-crush pet my head.

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I, the nerdiest, dorkiest girl within a mile radius by far, crushed hard on the most popular boy in my elementary school from 1st grade to 6th. It was a very small school where everybody knew everybody else, and many of us kids that started out early on stayed through and ended up graduating together (not surprisingly, he went on to be a standout baseball and basketball player and the star quarterback in high school). I was lucky enough to be in the same class with him for 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 5th grades, and in that time my infatuation with him never waned.

My crush's name was Peter—a name I struggled to even speak out loud for years because of its weight in my heart—and I carved it into the top of my dresser with a pencil, covering it over with a small jewelry box until my mom discovered it a decade later. After hours I would lie awake in bed, fantasizing about him coming to my house in the dead of night, climbing up the side to my bedroom window and whisking me off somewhere to live happily ever after together.

One afternoon in third grade, we'd all assembled on the floor minutes before story time started, and I happened to be sitting only inches away from him. Some other boys were roughhousing and somehow I got knocked down, my right arm flailing out uncontrollably as I lost my balance. One of my fingers made contact with his mouth by accident as I fell, and I resolved then and there never to wash my hands again.

(Obviously I've washed my hands since then).

I doubt Peter and I spoke more than maybe 75 words to one another in the twelve years we attended school together. Somehow, though, I got him to sign my senior yearbook. Just his name, though—nothing more.

 

Fourth Grade. I was really a third grader living in a fourth grade life (got double promoted from second grade, and yes, I peaked in grade school).

Anyway, there was Leslie. Beautiful, adorable, cute Leslie. Crushed hard on her all the way to 8th grade. Took her to the local church carnival, in 8th grade. She had on these tight, short, shorts. Showed off her legs just right. I couldn't pull the trigger to express my fandom of her and her shorts. And that's all I have to say about that.

 

Small crush, highschool, science class.
Beautiful blond and shared similar gifts of Dolly Parton. I drew a portrait of her and gave it to her. Nothing more than that.

Real hard highschool crush... gymnastics lead/captain I think. She was.also my prom date. Looked like Marilyn Monroe for real.
I don't know what I wanted. I didn't want to just screw her I was really in love with her.
But prom was not that great...she ended up dying of cancer maybe 15-20 years ago and I didn't know till a few years past so I missed the funeral which was at the Paramount theater in Seattle. I feel kind of blank about it all now.

I don't let crushes grow now. My concept of a crush involves real people in my life and not sort of lusting at celeberties that you can't realistically meet and interact with.
I feel like crushing on people leads to toxic thought loops/ruts and should be avoided now.

Sexual interest from hetero men has revealed itself via 'me too' to be vastly more selfish, more entitled and objectifying than I had ever thought so I really don't feel inclined to act in any way on my curiosity about anyone. I barely did before me too came along ( I'm glad it did) but now I just feel so repulsed by the notion of being 'that guy' in any way that I just keep to myself.

 

Funny thing is that I married mine.

 

And June 25th will be 22 years of marriage.



We have known each other since 5th grade.

My 1st "celebrity crush" if that is even a word,
Leann Rimes. something about her. I remember seeing her when i was about 12 or so and thought DAMN..
Tiffany Amber Thiesen...
Christine Taylor. I remember seeing her on a nickelodeon TV show called Hey Dude..

 

My first crush was Maria Booker. I think I tried to kiss her or something, what I remember was being hit by her pocketbook that I swear had a brick in it. This was 1st grade.