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code sex in various languages

PHP Code:


		
			
<?php



function sex ($stamina, $attraction, $speed, $bac, $pname, $plength) {

  if($stamina < 1 || $bac > 1) {

    dress("It won't get up!");

    exit;

  }

  $db = mysql_connect("Jennifer","Hal","I love you");

  mysql_select_db($db,"pants");



  for($x=1; $x<=($stamina-($attraction/2)); $x++) {

    thrust($speed,$db,$pname,$plength);

  }

  ejac();

  dress("So, was it good for you?");

}



funtion thrust ($speed,$db,$pname,$length) {

  for($x=1; $x<=$speed; $x++) {

    $premature = rand(1,50);

    if($premature == 50) {

      ejac();

      dress("I know it happens to everybody, but it wasn't supposed to happen with you!");

      exit;

    }

    $deep = rand(0,$length);

    $sql = "INSERT INTO vagina (`penis_name`,`depth`,`speed`) VALUES ('$pname','$deep','$speed')";

    mysql_query($sql) or die("Crap! I slipped! Woah.. damn your ass is tight!");

    if($speed > 5) {

      $speed = 5;

    }

    $grunt = rand(1,$speed);

    select ($grunt) {

      case '1':

        $gruntsound = "Uh!";

        break;

      case '2':

        $gruntsound = "Oh!";

        break;

      case '3':

        $gruntsound = "Ah!";

        break;

      case '4':

        $gruntsound = "Nnngh!";

        break;

      case '5':

        $gruntsound = "Ohhhh!";

        break;

    }

    echo $gruntsound;

  }

}

?>

hal, you have entirely too much time on your hands! :p funny as hell though

amusing... even though I have very limited programming knowledge.. I understand enough visual basic to laugh at that one ;)

Quote:

Originally posted by LStanley
amusing... even though I have very limited programming knowledge.. I understand enough visual basic to laugh at that one ;)

That's php. Or maybe you're just joking. I'll never understand this "human" comedy.

I'm curious to see the implementation of ejac(); :D

I know I wrote it, but I just wanna point out that my favorite line is the mysql_connect line

:lol: Man, that's hilarious

Indeed someone's got too much time on their hand...

Code:

#!/bin/sh

unzip

strip

touch

finger

mount

fsck

more

yes

umount

sleep

Very nice. :)

Quote:

Originally posted by Halx
I know I wrote it, but I just wanna point out that my favorite line is the mysql_connect line

Hah, indeed - nice password.

That's very funny :)
I think I'll go write one in python sometime later, haha. :thumbsup:

Quote:

Originally posted by Halx
I know I wrote it, but I just wanna point out that my favorite line is the mysql_connect line

Actually, I like the mysql_query line.
Or Die.