DIY USB turd
 

The USB (Universal Serial Bus) is a peripheral communication port used on most modern computers. It was designed to replace the old "legacy" communication ports like the RS232 port and Parallel port.
The primary advantages of the USB port are simplicity, size and the ability to supply a modest amount of power to remote peripherals. It's this ability to supply power that is so badly abused in this low grade project of incredible vulgarity.
http://www.emanator.demon.co.uk/bigclive/usbshit1.jpg


You will require one large fake turd (don't use a real one), a small fiber optic loom like those found on kiddies flashing wands, a couple of bits of heatshrink sleeving, a resistor, an LED and a cheap USB phone charging lead. The lead I used was for charging a Nokia, but was got purely for it's availability. If you use a standard USB lead, then you can get power from the thicker wires, but must ensure that the two data cores are insulated to protect from damage.
The resistor value is based on the USB supply being five volts minus the forward voltage of the LED, which in this case is about three volts (blue). This gives us two volts to drop across the resistor at 20mA, so 2/0.02 equals one hundred ohms.
http://www.emanator.demon.co.uk/bigclive/usbshit2.jpg

The fake turd is carved out with a Dremmel to accomodate the fiber optic loom and the electronics. A small hole is drilled in the end to allow the cable to enter, and the turd is peppered with small holes to accomodate the fibers.
http://www.emanator.demon.co.uk/bigclive/usbshit3.jpg

A piece of heatshrink sleeve is shrunk onto a five millimetre drill shank to gain a friction fit for the LED. A drop of two-part resin is applied into the end of the sleeve, and the fibers are carefully inserted fully one at a time.
When the resin has cured, the USB lead is terminated to the LED via the resistor, and sleeved appropriately.
http://www.emanator.demon.co.uk/bigclive/usbshit4.jpg

The fibers are individually threaded through the holes in the turd, then the whole lot is carefully pulled into position in the recess. The harness is secured internally with more two-part resin, and when it has cured the fibers are cropped to within 5mm of the turds surface.
For a neat appearance, the ends of the fibers can be touched briefly with the side of a hot soldering iron to make them bead into a small lens. This also stops them from popping back through their hole.
http://www.emanator.demon.co.uk/bigclive/usbshit5.jpg

Here's the finished device unlit.
http://www.emanator.demon.co.uk/bigclive/usbshit6.jpg

Displayed in all its crappy glory.

Random!

Kind of looks like a sea cucumber.

What? This is totally unexpected, and mildly hilarious.

Not bad for a first post.

That right there maybe my favorite statement so far on this site.

I only say that because they do no hollow out very well.

Depends how much fiber is involved.

Ya know fiber, fiber optics not the same thing, right?

You have to use fiber optics in the turd project rather than fiber, otherwise you won't be able to see shit. ;)

-wince-

Bad.

But funny.

I'll be here all week.

I do kids birthday parties also.

Add quotation marks around the first three words of that sentence and you have yourself a very different kind of party. :oogle:

Or just a comma after kids.

Now this is turning in a direction I had not even considered, not that it's a bad thing.

Brilliant, sir.