Need for "TFP Relationships" forum?

[abaya]

Folks, have you ever been unsure about whether to post in TFP Sexuality or TFP Living? I have, but didn't think much of it until I started noticing a few people who weren't clear on where to post a "relationship" question. (And we all know how many of those "does he/she like me?" questions end up in sexuality, when there is no mention of hot, sordid sex in the whole OP... simply because there is no other place to post it!)

Not that I mind the current setup, but I am actually curious about how many members would like to see a separate forum for TFP Relationships. I am not a mod or anything close, just been around for most of this year and wanted to bounce the idea off people.

Mods, I hope I am not stepping on your toes, I am really just curious if there is any demand out there... and if so, can something be done about it? I'm not expecting much, since maybe it's just me... but I'm still curious.

[KellyC]

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=14229

The Tilted Living forum is here for you to ask advice on and talk about non-sexual aspects of living. Any questions about relationships outside of the platonic sense go in Tilted Sexuality.

Hope that clear up some confusion.

[snowy]

The problem with your answer, KellyC, is that the fact is that people tend to clog up the Tilted Sexuality forum with questions about relationships--questions not necessarily directly or remotely related to sexuality, but since they're technically not platonic relationships, they get sorted into sexuality. I for one don't necessarily feel that they belong there; a separate forum would be very nice indeed. It would give me less crap to sort through when I'm trying to find the questions that deal directly with sexuality and sex. I personally am not at all interested in trying to answer questions about relationships or trying to solve another person's relationship problems, or interested in answering stupid questions like "does this girl like me" that have been answered 500 times before. I'm more interested in exploring complex sexual issues that directly relate to my SEXUALITY and that of others--think polyamory, BDSM, lifestyle, etc. To me, the sexuality forum has become too bloated with stupid relationship questions to be worthwhile--I rarely look at it any more. I'd prefer if that weren't the case.

Capiche?

[amonkie]

Originally Posted by onesnowyowl

I personally am not at all interested in trying to answer questions about relationships or trying to solve another person's relationship problems, or interested in answering stupid questions like "does this girl like me" that have been answered 500 times before.

Capiche?

I think snowy's comment here is key... these questions HAVE been asked, over and over again. While individual circumstances change, the underlying pieces of advice and suggestions are broadly the same. World's King made a sticky at the top of the Sexuality thread that addresses it, and in my opinion, this is partly why a Tilted Relationships forum has not been created. If someone took the time to search the archives for the wealth of threads that already exist, they will see the answers people have already given. To create a new forum, to me, just begs for more of the same questions to get asked again and again.

In case some have not actually read the sticky by World's King :

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=72117


and a Quote from Halx within that thread

Originally Posted by Halx

There is no strategy guide for life. There are no tips and tricks to give in relationships. It's all the same: Be open and honest with each other. Keep the lines of communication open.

That's it. Now... let's get back to the sexuality.

[abaya]

I understand that requests have been made to reduce the "relationship" threads in Sexuality. I've seen the sticky.

The problem is, it hasn't made a difference, and no one really enforces this "rule." If you ask me, one of the main reasons (other than titty board) that many people get drawn into TFP, it is because of relationship issues and seeking advice for those things. People come here for a form of therapy, and from what I can tell, most TFP'ers don't mind... those threads always get replies.

I guess what I'm saying is, we can post as many stickies as we want, but human nature is going to continue drawing people's non-sexual relationship issues to that forum. So if we're okay with that, then cool. Again, it doesn't bother me much, but I have noticed that it bothers others. I just agree with Owl, that in terms of space and relevance, these non-sexual, yet non-platonic issues tend to clog up Sexuality.

[Glory's Sun]

My thinking on this subject is that if people would use the search button they'd find that most of the relationship threads are the same and they can get their advice from those.

Hal made the best statement and perhaps it is time for more enforcement of sorts in that forum. I don't even go into that forum much because I'm sick of all the relationship threads. They all sound the same to me. Just take a chance and ask the girl out. If she says no.. find another. It's not that difficult.

[alansmithee]

I think it would be nice to have a separate relationship forum, myself. Personally, until I saw that there were relationship threads there, I didn't really bother looking at the sexuality forum whatsoever. I think I'm the reverse of most of the people here-I don't really care about how many objects someone can shove up their ass, or the logistics and planning of the perfect orgy, or the time you shoved your head up a woman's crotch. But I am interested in people, and their interactions. So a relationship forum would allow people with purely reationship questions/comments to have their fun, and those interested just in the sexuality portion to have their forum uncluttered.

[JustJess]

I have to say I think a relationship forum would make sense... it has become an animal unto itself, and shows no signs of slowing down... so why not simplify things?

[Glory's Sun]

ok.. here's a question. How unique can the threads be in that forum?? The majority of the threads will be the same with the exception of the actual people involved. If people really wanted to simplify things they'd use the search button and read other threads and read the sticky that King set up.

[abaya]

Originally Posted by guccilvr

The majority of the threads will be the same with the exception of the actual people involved.

Gee, we could say the same about the Titty Board...

[alansmithee]

Originally Posted by guccilvr

ok.. here's a question. How unique can the threads be in that forum?? The majority of the threads will be the same with the exception of the actual people involved. If people really wanted to simplify things they'd use the search button and read other threads and read the sticky that King set up.

But honestly, couldn't you say the same about most threads in general? I know you could boil down all the threads in politics to about 3. What makes it different isn't really the advice given (which is often the same) but the situations of the people. And you never know, there might be some new wrinkle, or something that would cause some new discussion. And also, sometimes people just want a place to talk with people. In real life, if a friend asks a question do you just tell them "Sorry, this has been discussed 1,000,000's of times before. Please just look in a library/online for your answers"? I understand the desire to keep away clutter, but I don't think that individual relationship problems would be part of that clutter. The fact that there are different people involved is what makes the situations different.

[Glory's Sun]

Originally Posted by Abaya

Gee, we could say the same about the Titty Board...

The TB doesn't concern me at all. I really wouldn't care if it was gone also. :shrug:

Originally Posted by alansmithee

But honestly, couldn't you say the same about most threads in general? I know you could boil down all the threads in politics to about 3. What makes it different isn't really the advice given (which is often the same) but the situations of the people. And you never know, there might be some new wrinkle, or something that would cause some new discussion. And also, sometimes people just want a place to talk with people. In real life, if a friend asks a question do you just tell them "Sorry, this has been discussed 1,000,000's of times before. Please just look in a library/online for your answers"? I understand the desire to keep away clutter, but I don't think that individual relationship problems would be part of that clutter. The fact that there are different people involved is what makes the situations different.

I fail to see why we should have a board dedicated to relationships when most advice given is the same. If I had a friend ask something crazy.. I'd tell them exactly what I already said. Big deal find another one. I understand people want to talk about people, but if a sitution is as dire as it's made out to be on the board, then they should consult people who know them, not random people online. This is a community and it's nice to help others out but I just don't' see how a relationship board really expands the vision of TFP. I could be way off in my assumption, only Hal knows the true vision. I just wouldn't want a forum of guys worried that a girl didn't call him back or wondering if a girl likes him or not. It's all an adventure. People need to realize that if you just communicate with those people there wouldn't be a need for a relationship board, there wouldn't need to be a place for people to ask "WHY?!".


also, I'm curious as to why this isn't in Suggestions???

[abaya]

Originally Posted by guccilvr

also, I'm curious as to why this isn't in Suggestions???

I started the thread at 2am or something crazy, I guess I wasn't thinking about Suggestions at that time. But please feel free to move it there, Mods... sorry for not anticipating that earlier.

Guccilvr, which forums do you like best? For me, every forum is basically about the same kinds of things... I mean, I don't go into Weaponry looking for advice on travel. But yeah, all the threads there are gonna be about... weapons. And I never go in there, since that doesn't interest me. But obviously it serves a purpose for those who are interested.

[Glory's Sun]

The forums that are here cater to a specific intrest. I don't see how wanting to wade through the same thread over and over is an intrest. Weapons for instance is unique in that there are new weapons coming out and people tell about what they enjoy. Dare I say that people don't enjoy needing advice on a relationship because they are too scared to ask the other person?? I completely see your point(s) of view, I just don't think it holds enough uniqueness or intrest to be warrant it's own forum. Sure you could simply look at the mass of "advice" threads, but I think we need to look deeper and find out just how many are truly 1 in a million type situations. If anything these types of threads should go in some sort of philosophy or coming together sub-forum, so people who enjoy criticing other's in need can read them. Sexuality is a board that is intended to expand people's mind on the subject. It isn't simply a board where you talk about some girl or guy you laid, but new techniques or new advances in sexuality. Also it's a place where you can talk about sexual issues. Relationship issues do nothing but clog the board. I can't even begin to count how many rookies simply use the board and only that forum of the board when they "need advice". The board (this is simply my own opinon and nothing else) would serve no redeeming purpose. The Tittyboard is still intact because that's basically how TFP started. It grew from that. Is there a need for a relationship board? No. It breeds the believe that advice is given and will heal all. It doesn't teach communication skills needed in any thriving relationship. There are plenty of books on the subject, if a person needs advice, consult the people with degrees.

As far as which forums I like best, I peruse all of them to see what catches my eye. I generally stay out of the erogenous zone because there is so much more here that intrests me.

[abaya]

Guccilvr, tell me how you really feel... no really, I know what you mean. But I'd really like to hear other people's opinions, too. It seems like it's not only me who feels a need to shunt all those "does he/she like me" questions to a diff forum, even if it becomes some kind of junk mailbox for relationship issues. At least they won't clog up the other boards.

I personally find that Sexuality or Living do well for my own questions (and my journal, if need be), but I think that no matter how much you wish people would "grow up," people are going to keep posting about that stuff. Because they're people, and everyone on this board either wants to get advice or give advice. So, that's my take. It ain't gonna change just because of King's sticky (certainly hasn't had any effect lately, you have to agree), so I figure we could try to accommodate it somehow and make it less of a roadblock.

What do the Mods think?

[Glory's Sun]

Don't worry Abaya, I always say what I feel Just don't take it the wrong way ok?

I think this is the most important statement made. There is no higher power than this. So unless he's changed his mind.. this should be the only thing we need to know about a relationship forum.

Originally Posted by Halx

I could create a forum for relationships... but you'll see the same thread cloned 50 times down the page. This is just the same thing we've done with all the penis size threads. We're moving on. New subjects, everybody. This is evolution.

Let's learn something today that we didn't know yesterday.

[jwoody]

How about dropping the "uality" from "sexuality"?

That could clear the confusion.

[abaya]

Alright man, so we used the example of "does he/she like me" threads as being really annoying. But tonight I remembered why I started this thread in the first place; it's because of serious relationship issues that get stuck in sexuality, but have nothing to do with sex (unless you count cheating as sex). This thread, for example: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=98254 ... where should it go? Sexuality? No. Living?... well, maybe, but it's really a Relationship thread. There are TONS of "cheating," "recent break-up," etc. threads that don't belong in either forum.

Thoughts, Mods?

[SecretMethod70]

Halx has already given his thoughts on the issue and it's even a sticky in Tilted Living - it's mentioned in post #2 of this thread even:

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=14229

The Tilted Living forum is here for you to ask advice on and talk about non-sexual aspects of living. Any questions about relationships outside of the platonic sense go in Tilted Sexuality.

So, there we have it, that's where it should go. If someone goes into Tilted Living and isn't sure, it's even explicitly stated for them right there.

I've let this thread go on for awhile because I figured it would provide for a little clarification and quickly die out once Halx had been quoted on the subject. The board hasn't fundamentally changed since Halx made those comments. There were just as many relationship threads back then, and that's the decision that was made - partly for the very reason that was mentioned: the relationship forum would be 1000 variations on the same. exact. concept.

So, it's not that questions about cheating wives, etc. don't belong in Tilted Living or Tilted Sexuality. They *do* belong in Tilted Sexuality - because Halx says so It's even stickied in case someone might go to Tilted Living for it. Perhaps the problem is more that we have been too lax in allowing juvenile threads in Tilted Sexuality. That is something which the mods can discuss behind the scenes and maybe there will be a change in the near future regarding that. As for the question of where non-platonic (a.k.a. sexual ) relationship questions should go, that matter - like this thread - is closed

(P.S. Don't take that harshly, it's just that there really isn't anything more to say on the issue and I don't want the topic to keep getting brought back up )