GSRIDER

We need to pull together. Please dig deep. Now is not the time to think
about your own pathetic, meaningless situation.

Since September 11, 2001, Americans and Canadians have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome
tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil,
wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment,
stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline
prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and
small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our
greatest challenge yet.

Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are going
to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level.
And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life
giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the
upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost
of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player remain
economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no
means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary,
but it's a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey
player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing
in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars
is nothing more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month
of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially
replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that
home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new
Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player
you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real
estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus,
upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of
the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the
Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put
the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples'
suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants
to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he
will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator
in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is (check
below):

[ ] Forward [ ] Defenseman [ ] Goaltender [ ] Entire team (Please call
our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $10 per minute)
[ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)

Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the duration
of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored,
along with an Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and my very own Bob
Goodenow (Executive Director of the NHLPA player's Union) pin to wear
proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name: _______________________

Telephone Number: _______________________

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________
_________________

__________________
No signature at this time.

Averett

Hee!

But really.... I hope there isn't a lockout

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

losthellhound

thats perfect

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"Life is possible only with illusions. And so, the question for the science of mental health must become an absolutely new and revolutionary one, yet one that reflects the essence of the human condition: On what level of illusion does one live?"
-- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

Spartak

Greedy bastards. I can't believe some of them are willing to play in Europe during the lockout for reduced wages, when they can't do the same thing in the NHL, so they just sit back and let the economics of the sport cripple it.

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I can read your mind... looking at you... I can read your mind...

docbungle

The lockout will happen. It is going to be a boring tv season.

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Bad Luck City

dylanmarsh

Well, we should be covered through the end of October with the Yankees and Red Sox fighting it out for the World Series. After that, I don't know what the hell I'm going do. I don't even want to think about spending time with my family or, worse yet, reading a book.

Ace_O_Spades

there's always NFL... that will take me till January

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Feh.

Quadraton

Yes. Yes, that's a very good point. Funny I didn't realize that before.

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"A witty saying proves nothing"
- Voltaire