Askin' for advice, too.... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Franconian · 12-14-2005, 10:29 AM

First of all, I want to mention, I have read the " YOU HAVE TO READ THIS: BEFORE ASKING HOW TO ASK SOMEONE OUT!!!!!" threat, but anyway,
I asked a friend(female) of mine, if she wants to start a relationship with me,

Background info: she recently canceled her relationship with her former boyfriend, so I thought I would have a chance......

she said I was not her type, anyway, I can handle that I'm "not her type", 'cuz she always tells me, her former boyfriend suxx and shit, but I know she still loves him,
my problem is now, I love her, she just wants friendship, and I see her almost everyday.......

don't know how to handle this.......

could someone please help, 'cuz my psychic problems are really fucking me off..........

Cynthetiq · 12-14-2005, 10:32 AM

not much to discuss here, get over it. that's it. period.

she said no. no means no.

Franconian · 12-14-2005, 10:45 AM

easily said, hard done!!!
I hardly slept last night! I know I worry too much about it, but I can'T get her out of my mind, 'cuz I see her every day!
Also we do many things together, e.g. visting Icehockey games, so we spent a lot of time with each other ( 'cuz we need to travel by train, it takes nearly an hour getting to the stadium!!)
so we spend at least two hours together, nearly every weekend!!
hard not to think of her, isn't it?

maleficent · 12-14-2005, 10:50 AM

Re-read Cynthetiq's response....

Accept that she is a friend and nothing more - and it's perfectly acceptable and encouraged to love your friends... or stop spending so much time with her.

What do you want from her that you can't get from friendship?

Cynthetiq · 12-14-2005, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Franconian

easily said, hard done!!!
I hardly slept last night! I know I worry too much about it, but I can'T get her out of my mind, 'cuz I see her every day!
Also we do many things together, e.g. visting Icehockey games, so we spent a lot of time with each other ( 'cuz we need to travel by train, it takes nearly an hour getting to the stadium!!)
so we spend at least two hours together, nearly every weekend!!
hard not to think of her, isn't it?

only if you keep fantasizing about her being with you.

otherwise no it's quite easy. If you become the creepy guy who over steps his bounds, then you'll lose the friendship too.

So you either get over it and move on, you pine after her for years, or you cross the line and make a move which more than likely will end your friendship.

genuinegirly · 12-14-2005, 11:01 AM

Let it go.

You're friends. You've let her know you're interested. It's her turn to make the next move, and she is obviously not interested in making it.

Mantus · 12-14-2005, 11:02 AM

She is not intrested in you. Gota let it go.

How long have you been in this friendship? Do you have any other friends like her?

Do you believe that the way to get girls is to become good friends with them?

Franconian · 12-14-2005, 11:03 AM

@ maleficent : good question, real good question, don't know an answer to that yet, if I had an answer, I think, I wouldn't ask for help in the forum

yeah, I mean, this friendship is really great, just as good as a friendship between a boy and a girl can be, but I feel kinda fascinated 'bout her
Don't ya think I'm trying to get these Ideas out of my mind, but I simply don't know how!!!
It's really kinda frustrating and confusing
I've been into this friendship for about 3 years, I think
No, I don't think that the way to get girls is to get into a friendship with 'em!!
At the beginning I was just interessted in the friendship, do you guys think I fell in love with her intentionally?? No, of course I was not!!

Poppinjay · 12-14-2005, 11:08 AM

Like a vice, like a bad habit, you need to cut it out until you can handle it. Otherwise, your friendship isn't really a friendship, it's just you chasing the dragon.

Fill up your time with other friends and other activities more often. Let her make the next move, whether it's a friendship move or any other.

Seaver · 12-14-2005, 11:43 AM

Find someone else, that's a horse who isnt willing to leave the stable with you. Doesn't matter how pretty your saddle, how much salt/oats you feed her, or how much you brush her hair... she ain't leaving the stable... not with you anyways.

Go find the other horses in the field wanting to be mounted (man why do I always draw up these puns? I dont mean to lol).

Willravel · 12-14-2005, 11:49 AM

Obsession isn't a road you want to go down. Avoid her, date other people, do whatever you can to get over her. Maybe take up a hobby. Oh, and I wouldn't drink or do drugs to deal with it.

Siege · 12-14-2005, 02:48 PM

You've got one itis. 'Nuff said.

Go meet new people, go get attracted to new people.

joeyaz · 12-15-2005, 05:55 PM

Tough position to be in..I've been in that same boat before ..it sucks lol..but yeah only thing you can do is move on..look at it as her loss..just got to get out and meet new people

These weekend activities..are they just things you guys do to hang out with each other ?

Martian · 12-15-2005, 06:49 PM

First off : dude. You're not in love with her. You're obsessed about her, but you're not in love with her.

Go out, find someone else. That's the easiest way to deal with it. You went for it, she doesn't want it, move on with your life. If you meet other people and find another girl to fall for, she won't be that big a deal anymore and you can go back to just being friends.

You're falling into a common beginner's trap when it comes to dating; you're letting yourself get way too wrapped up in a girl where the outcome is either uncertain or she's just plain uninterested. As you get more practice you'll learn how to make your approach without putting that emotional emphasis on it. But the only way to get practice is to just get out there and do it. It's easy if you're in school, but not overly challenging even if you're not. Go to bars, go to coffee shops. Go out with friends. Have friends introduce you to other friends. Let people know you're on the market, too. Use your network of friends (and family, if you're close with them) to your advantage and just start meeting people. Eventually you'll click with someone.

tenchi069 · 12-15-2005, 08:34 PM

Give her a nice gesture. I suggest flowers or a solitary rose. Do not expect anything in return. Then attempt to resume being friends. If you cannot accept that, then tell her that you feel more for her than just a friend and you cannot accept that, so you can no longer be friends with her. However, if you CAN accept it maturely and just continue to be friends. If you do, then you are both friends, if not then it is your loss. Wish I had happier advice.

tenchi

Franconian · 12-18-2005, 05:29 AM

thank all of you, guys!!
I agree with Martian, maybe I was obsessed 'bout her, 'cuz she is special to me, she gave me kinda "love" when everyone else didn't liked me, she gave me grip when I was about to lose it.......
So I think he's right, I was obsessed 'bout her!
But I think I got over her, I invited her to my birthday party, and we hat a lot of fun, (with the other guests) , as friends!!

-sorry for my bad english, I'm german-

match000 · 12-18-2005, 06:18 AM

snip snip snip

12-14-2005, 10:29 AM	#1 (permalink)
Franconian Upright Location: Franconia	Askin' for advice, too.... First of all, I want to mention, I have read the " YOU HAVE TO READ THIS: BEFORE ASKING HOW TO ASK SOMEONE OUT!!!!!" threat, but anyway, I asked a friend(female) of mine, if she wants to start a relationship with me, Background info: she recently canceled her relationship with her former boyfriend, so I thought I would have a chance...... she said I was not her type, anyway, I can handle that I'm "not her type", 'cuz she always tells me, her former boyfriend suxx and shit, but I know she still loves him, my problem is now, I love her, she just wants friendship, and I see her almost everyday....... don't know how to handle this....... could someone please help, 'cuz my psychic problems are really fucking me off.......... __________________ Fuck is good, Fuck is funny And some people fuck for money, If ya think that fuck is funny, Fuck yourself und safe the money!

12-14-2005, 10:32 AM	#2 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	not much to discuss here, get over it. that's it. period. she said no. no means no. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

12-14-2005, 10:45 AM	#3 (permalink)
Franconian Upright Location: Franconia	easily said, hard done!!! I hardly slept last night! I know I worry too much about it, but I can'T get her out of my mind, 'cuz I see her every day! Also we do many things together, e.g. visting Icehockey games, so we spent a lot of time with each other ( 'cuz we need to travel by train, it takes nearly an hour getting to the stadium!!) so we spend at least two hours together, nearly every weekend!! hard not to think of her, isn't it? __________________ Fuck is good, Fuck is funny And some people fuck for money, If ya think that fuck is funny, Fuck yourself und safe the money!

12-14-2005, 10:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Re-read Cynthetiq's response.... Accept that she is a friend and nothing more - and it's perfectly acceptable and encouraged to love your friends... or stop spending so much time with her. What do you want from her that you can't get from friendship? __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

12-14-2005, 11:01 AM	#6 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	Let it go. You're friends. You've let her know you're interested. It's her turn to make the next move, and she is obviously not interested in making it. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

12-14-2005, 11:02 AM	#7 (permalink)
Mantus lascivious	She is not intrested in you. Gota let it go. How long have you been in this friendship? Do you have any other friends like her? Do you believe that the way to get girls is to become good friends with them?

12-14-2005, 11:03 AM	#8 (permalink)
Franconian Upright Location: Franconia	@ maleficent : good question, real good question, don't know an answer to that yet, if I had an answer, I think, I wouldn't ask for help in the forum yeah, I mean, this friendship is really great, just as good as a friendship between a boy and a girl can be, but I feel kinda fascinated 'bout her Don't ya think I'm trying to get these Ideas out of my mind, but I simply don't know how!!! It's really kinda frustrating and confusing I've been into this friendship for about 3 years, I think No, I don't think that the way to get girls is to get into a friendship with 'em!! At the beginning I was just interessted in the friendship, do you guys think I fell in love with her intentionally?? No, of course I was not!! __________________ Fuck is good, Fuck is funny And some people fuck for money, If ya think that fuck is funny, Fuck yourself und safe the money! Last edited by Franconian; 12-14-2005 at 11:10 AM..

12-14-2005, 11:08 AM	#9 (permalink)
Poppinjay You had me at hello Location: DC/Coastal VA	Like a vice, like a bad habit, you need to cut it out until you can handle it. Otherwise, your friendship isn't really a friendship, it's just you chasing the dragon. Fill up your time with other friends and other activities more often. Let her make the next move, whether it's a friendship move or any other. __________________ I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

12-14-2005, 11:43 AM	#10 (permalink)
Seaver Junkie Location: Fort Worth, TX	Find someone else, that's a horse who isnt willing to leave the stable with you. Doesn't matter how pretty your saddle, how much salt/oats you feed her, or how much you brush her hair... she ain't leaving the stable... not with you anyways. Go find the other horses in the field wanting to be mounted (man why do I always draw up these puns? I dont mean to lol).

12-14-2005, 11:49 AM	#11 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Obsession isn't a road you want to go down. Avoid her, date other people, do whatever you can to get over her. Maybe take up a hobby. Oh, and I wouldn't drink or do drugs to deal with it.

12-14-2005, 02:48 PM	#12 (permalink)
Siege is a tiger Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada	You've got one itis. 'Nuff said. Go meet new people, go get attracted to new people. __________________ "Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek" --Kevin Smith This part just makes my posts easier to find

12-15-2005, 05:55 PM	#13 (permalink)
joeyaz Tilted Location: Az	Tough position to be in..I've been in that same boat before ..it sucks lol..but yeah only thing you can do is move on..look at it as her loss..just got to get out and meet new people These weekend activities..are they just things you guys do to hang out with each other ?

12-15-2005, 06:49 PM	#14 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	First off : dude. You're not in love with her. You're obsessed about her, but you're not in love with her. Go out, find someone else. That's the easiest way to deal with it. You went for it, she doesn't want it, move on with your life. If you meet other people and find another girl to fall for, she won't be that big a deal anymore and you can go back to just being friends. You're falling into a common beginner's trap when it comes to dating; you're letting yourself get way too wrapped up in a girl where the outcome is either uncertain or she's just plain uninterested. As you get more practice you'll learn how to make your approach without putting that emotional emphasis on it. But the only way to get practice is to just get out there and do it. It's easy if you're in school, but not overly challenging even if you're not. Go to bars, go to coffee shops. Go out with friends. Have friends introduce you to other friends. Let people know you're on the market, too. Use your network of friends (and family, if you're close with them) to your advantage and just start meeting people. Eventually you'll click with someone. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

12-15-2005, 08:34 PM	#15 (permalink)
tenchi069 Lost Location: One step closer to the padded cell...	Give her a nice gesture. I suggest flowers or a solitary rose. Do not expect anything in return. Then attempt to resume being friends. If you cannot accept that, then tell her that you feel more for her than just a friend and you cannot accept that, so you can no longer be friends with her. However, if you CAN accept it maturely and just continue to be friends. If you do, then you are both friends, if not then it is your loss. Wish I had happier advice. tenchi __________________ ERROR- PLBSAK Problem Lies Between Seat and Keyboard.

12-18-2005, 05:29 AM	#16 (permalink)
Franconian Upright Location: Franconia	thank all of you, guys!! I agree with Martian, maybe I was obsessed 'bout her, 'cuz she is special to me, she gave me kinda "love" when everyone else didn't liked me, she gave me grip when I was about to lose it....... So I think he's right, I was obsessed 'bout her! But I think I got over her, I invited her to my birthday party, and we hat a lot of fun, (with the other guests) , as friends!! -sorry for my bad english, I'm german- __________________ Fuck is good, Fuck is funny And some people fuck for money, If ya think that fuck is funny, Fuck yourself und safe the money!

12-18-2005, 06:18 AM	#17 (permalink)
match000 Psycho	snip snip snip Last edited by match000; 12-18-2005 at 09:30 PM..