Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-07-2005, 05:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
Upright
 
Asking for some advice..

Last Saturday the 3rd I had my first "1 night stand". This is the first time I had sex with a girl without forming a friendship beforehand and it was great. Just one problem, I don't want this to be the last time I do anything with this girl and I'm not sure how to approach her or how I should handle a 1night stand.

She lives with her friends in the same apt complex as my roommates and myself but in the month I have been here they hung out with us three times. I never got to know her, I barely knew her name the night we had sex.

The morning after the sex was really weird. We didn't say much, just helped her find her clothes and her cell phone then she left with a goodbye and we haven't talked since.

I felt really bad about just letting her go like that. I think I should have offered to walk with her back to her apt or said something else, maybe asked if she wanted to get some coffee but I didn't think about any of that till it was too late. What should I have done? What would other guys have done? Should I expect her to be interested in me in some way since she did decide to have sex with me that night or was that just the alcohol doing the thinking?

I hope some females could help me understand what maybe going through her mind also. I'm a decent looking guy, little thick but girls always seem to befriend me but not date me so another thing I want to avoid is getting trapped in the friend zone. She on the other hand is a 8/10 or a 9/10 for looks. She also just so happens to be the most attractive girl I have been with sexually.
__________________
Whadata!
Windbreaker is offline  
Old 12-07-2005, 05:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Seaver's Avatar
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
It's weird at first, I've never been that into it.

However I can tell you that all the girls I've talked to say that the thing they want after a one night stand is a good morning kiss on the cheak and a "that was great". If you want her number, give her it in the morning (but ONLY if you want to see her again). Just keep it honest and simple.

What's going through her mind? Who knows. Many women really perscribe to the no-strings thing. Many women only do one night stands at depressing times in their lives, and some are totally against it and were just really drunk.

If you see her again, act non-chalant. Tell you her you had a great time with her, and see how it goes. DONT get deep with her at first (saying how much you like her, etc), in these times it's a good idea to just go with things.

If she had a great time she might be receptive for another run, if not she'll probably be moving onto her next boy-toy (I.E. dont fret).
Seaver is offline  
Old 12-07-2005, 06:00 PM   #3 (permalink)
Lost
 
tenchi069's Avatar
 
Location: One step closer to the padded cell...
Don't let the fact you two had sex change how you would approach her. You are interested in her? Try asking her out to dinner, or for a walk. Try to do something that will allow the night to end early so she doesn't think you just want her for sex. Then let the relationship progress from there. And if she says no to going out with you, then at least you have all the card on the table and can move on.

-tenchi
__________________
ERROR- PLBSAK
Problem Lies Between Seat and Keyboard.
tenchi069 is offline  
Old 12-07-2005, 06:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
Oh shit it's Wayne Brady!
 
CityOfAngels's Avatar
 
Location: Passenger seat of Wayne Brady's car.
She had sex with you and doesn't even know you. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I wouldn't even consider having a "more than sex" relationship with her. She could be prone to more blind humping while she's with you.
CityOfAngels is offline  
Old 12-07-2005, 07:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
Upright
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CityOfAngels
She had sex with you and doesn't even know you. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I wouldn't even consider having a "more than sex" relationship with her. She could be prone to more blind humping while she's with you.
At first I thought the same but after talking to my friends who know her a lot better they told me its not a common thing. I don't know her but everyone around me does so it feels like I kinda know her. And from what I understand shes a really sweet girl.

Thanks Seaver and Tenchi, I will be able to move on without a problem, I'm still shocked it even happen and it made me a happy happy person.
__________________
Whadata!
Windbreaker is offline  
Old 12-07-2005, 08:13 PM   #6 (permalink)
lascivious
 
Mantus's Avatar
 
Contrary to common beliefs chicks do get horny and have permiscious sex now and then. Saying this chick is not relationship material is like saying Windbreaker is not relationship material. Just not fair.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Windbreaker
At first I thought the same but after talking to my friends who know her a lot better they told me its not a common thing. I don't know her but everyone around me does so it feels like I kinda know her. And from what I understand shes a really sweet girl.
Good choice.

Check your head. Are you looking for a relationship with this girl or do you just like her in bed? Be honest with yourself and her to avoid a fall.

However, as a warning, it's very rare to see relationships develop from one-night stands. Has something to do with girls needing a feeling of detachment and "otherworldliness" to justify such actions in their minds. She will also think that you see her as an easy lay after that night. So you approach her and she think "oh, he's come for sex, I am such a slut". The whole experience actually works agaisnt you.

Personally, I would aproach her as if you just met her. You have to re-qualify yourself for her all over again because that night wont count. Still a very slim chance but worth a try. Like I always say, the heart heals fast but "what if's" stay with you forever.

Last edited by Mantus; 12-07-2005 at 08:15 PM..
Mantus is offline  
Old 12-07-2005, 09:30 PM   #7 (permalink)
Upright
 
Thanks Mantus.

Sex was normal and like always I was doing 80% of the work so sex isn't what attracts me to this girl. I just find her extremely attractive in general and honestly view her to be out of my league. Just asking my friends: "could you see a girl like that with a guy like me at the mall walking around with her arms around him" the response: "no". It's just very uncommon in my experience for a hookup like this to happen so I feel very fortunate and if I don't try something I would have passed on a opportunity.
__________________
Whadata!
Windbreaker is offline  
Old 12-08-2005, 11:24 AM   #8 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: The Great White North
well man, you sound like you really like her.... if she lives in the same apt. complex, go talk to her...invite her for a walk, movie, diner, coffee...

Don't let it go away as it sounds that she has you by the balls! GIve yourself and her a chance at more...
snow wombat is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 07:47 AM   #9 (permalink)
lascivious
 
Mantus's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Windbreaker
Thanks Mantus.

Sex was normal and like always I was doing 80% of the work so sex isn't what attracts me to this girl. I just find her extremely attractive in general and honestly view her to be out of my league. Just asking my friends: "could you see a girl like that with a guy like me at the mall walking around with her arms around him" the response: "no". It's just very uncommon in my experience for a hookup like this to happen so I feel very fortunate and if I don't try something I would have passed on a opportunity.
You won't get anywhere with that kind of attitude.

What makes you think you are lower level then her? Looks, social status, financial status/education?
Mantus is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 07:52 AM   #10 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: San Antonio, Tx
I've had a one night stand or two and I can say that I always hoped for something more. If your interested, you've got to ask or you'll never know how she feels. I'm a big believer in putting yourself out there, even if you end up getting hurt. Good Luck.
Tbone12345 is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 07:57 AM   #11 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Seaver's Avatar
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
Relationships with a girl you see as higher status than you will never work. You'll always kiss her ass and agree with her when you shouldnt. She'll end up losing respect for you and that'll further reinforce your lower self-image.

So dont let youself put anyone up on pedistals.
Seaver is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 12:08 PM   #12 (permalink)
Falling Angel
 
Sultana's Avatar
 
Location: L.A. L.A. land
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mantus
Contrary to common beliefs chicks do get horny and have permiscious sex now and then. Saying this chick is not relationship material is like saying Windbreaker is not relationship material. Just not fair.
I'm glad you said this Mantus. You are, per usual, absolutely correct.

However, you may not use this quote in a signature.
__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening


My goal? To fulfill my potential.
Sultana is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 12:42 PM   #13 (permalink)
Upright
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mantus
You won't get anywhere with that kind of attitude.

What makes you think you are lower level then her? Looks, social status, financial status/education?

Your right, I tend to call it being "honest". I consider her to be out of my league because of her looks, shes extremely attractive but I keep my doubts to myself and my friends. I realize that in a relationship they would only cause problems.

I considering myself a avg looking guy and I think this is good because I realize I'm not a good looking guy and I wish I was so it gives me a drive to improve..

Update on the situation:

Last night I had a few shots and went over to her apt with my buddies to hang out. We talked with her friends and her but only made small talk. I didn't have any chances to talk with her 1:1 but I have a feeling a chance is still available for repeat sex or possible relationship. I noticed her looking at me frequently like she had the night we had sex and we made each other laugh, overall just had a chill laid back positive experience for a couple hours and found out we had a lot in common. I still need to find the way or the words to approach the next step.
__________________
Whadata!
Windbreaker is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 12:51 PM   #14 (permalink)
Pissing in the cornflakes
 
Ustwo's Avatar
 
Uncommon - Good looking guy and average/below average looking woman.

Common - Good looking woman and average/below average looking man.

Don't worry about the looks thing, we men are shallow, but women seem to look beyond a lot more. Go for it or you will only regret it.
__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.
Ustwo is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 12:52 PM   #15 (permalink)
Soylent Green is people.
 
longbough's Avatar
 
Location: Northern California
First of all, a true "one night stand" is one where you don't even intend to have any more of a relationship afterwards. What you describe just sounds like sex on the first date (SFD).

On the morning after SFD most likely a girl is 10 times more mortified than you might be (if at all). Even if she isn't it's best to be more sensitive and attentive in the morning after - because how you act makes a big difference in how she's thinks you view her and how she feels about herself. If you say nothing (and I can understand, since it was your first time like this) she'll probably assume the worst.

The morning after sex on the first date is a time you should be nicer than ever - make her feel special. For me, even if I don't intend to have a relationship with a girl I just slept with, I try to be very kind to her ... to show her I appreciate making love to her.

But it's never too late. If you want to know her better, call her up and ask her to lunch. Start dating her without the presumption of sex afterwards. Don't act shameful or embarassed but smile and make her feel comfortable with you in public.

Last edited by longbough; 12-09-2005 at 12:59 PM..
longbough is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 01:03 PM   #16 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
ratbastid's Avatar
 
Location: Yonder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ustwo
Uncommon - Good looking guy and average/below average looking woman.

Common - Good looking woman and average/below average looking man.

Don't worry about the looks thing, we men are shallow, but women seem to look beyond a lot more. Go for it or you will only regret it.
It's uncanny. How can this guy Ustwo be right about EVERYTHING but politics?

Don't write off being her Lyle Lovett, dude! Or her Billy Joel!
ratbastid is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 01:06 PM   #17 (permalink)
Soylent Green is people.
 
longbough's Avatar
 
Location: Northern California
Quote:
Originally Posted by ratbastid
Don't write off being her Lyle Lovett, dude! Or her Billy Joel!
Ric Ocasek of The Cars beats those fellas in that department .... and in every other respect.
longbough is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 01:21 PM   #18 (permalink)
Lover - Protector - Teacher
 
Jinn's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle, WA
Quote:
It's uncanny. How can this guy Ustwo be right about EVERYTHING but politics?
Quoted for succinctness and correctness.
__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel
Jinn is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 01:27 PM   #19 (permalink)
Pissing in the cornflakes
 
Ustwo's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ratbastid
It's uncanny. How can this guy Ustwo be right about EVERYTHING!
Edited: Superfluous words.
__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.
Ustwo is offline  
Old 12-09-2005, 02:05 PM   #20 (permalink)
Upright
 
Thanks again everyone.

Information has been helpfull.

Longbough, I can agree with you. 1 night stand isnt the best way to describe the interaction.

Tonight I hope to get invited over again. I'll post a update when I get a chance.
__________________
Whadata!
Windbreaker is offline  
Old 12-10-2005, 02:38 AM   #21 (permalink)
Upright
 
Typing this up before I go to bed..

She just left after hanging out for a few hours. Her friend came over around 6 and she came over around 7 and just hung out drinking mixed drinks till about 2am. We played some trivia games and were constantly moving around the room so once again didn't get that much 1:1 time. Her friend left around 11:30 and she ended up hanging out by herself for a few hours. A guy friend of hers showed up though and was making a lot of effort to sit next to her and touch her legs but she didn't seem interested and he stopped.

I'm still having problems making a move, I guess its so obviously apparent that she has some interest in me that the 2 girls who practically live at our place are telling me that they think she likes me and are going out of there way to free up a spot next to her so I could sit next to her.

Overall though the experience was positive. I came out with her number and she is free tomorrow she said so I'm going to give her a call and see if she wants to grab some coffee tomorrow morning.
__________________
Whadata!
Windbreaker is offline  
Old 12-11-2005, 08:17 AM   #22 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
ratbastid's Avatar
 
Location: Yonder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Windbreaker
She just left after hanging out for a few hours. Her friend came over around 6 and she came over around 7 and just hung out drinking mixed drinks till about 2am. We played some trivia games and were constantly moving around the room so once again didn't get that much 1:1 time. Her friend left around 11:30 and she ended up hanging out by herself for a few hours. A guy friend of hers showed up though and was making a lot of effort to sit next to her and touch her legs but she didn't seem interested and he stopped.
Can't you just picture an elderly Windbreaker telling his grandkids this story?
ratbastid is offline  
Old 12-12-2005, 01:31 PM   #23 (permalink)
Upright
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ratbastid
Can't you just picture an elderly Windbreaker telling his grandkids this story?
haha, maybe someday, were dating now without actually proclaiming it. She came over again and we played Scene-it!, a TV trivia game and then some game where you have to act out whatever you got on a card. 4 hours of that later she was tired so I walked her to her apt. At the door I said I'll see her tomorrow unless I could hang out for a little. She invited me in and we cuddled on the couch then found our way to her bed and had sober sex for the first time.

Next day I woke up to her smiling next to me and ended up spending the entire day again with her, went to the mall holding hands etc.. I think when you walk around holding hands all the time your officially a couple. Could someone tell me if I'm right on that?


So I bagged myself my first 8/10. Thanks again for your responses and special thanks to Mantus, Seaver, Ustwo, and Tench. Your advice was helpful.

Now have to wait and let time tell us if were compatible.
__________________
Whadata!
Windbreaker is offline  
Old 12-13-2005, 08:21 AM   #24 (permalink)
Addict
 
Sounds like you got yourself a girlfriend. Way to go
tooth is offline  
Old 12-13-2005, 09:19 AM   #25 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: LI,NY
From a woman's point of view, I think it is wonderfully romantic that you wanted more than a 1 night stand. I am so happy for you that you persued it and are now dating this girl (see? she is not out of your league). I hope everything continues to go well.
__________________
"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras
Meditrina is offline  
Old 12-13-2005, 11:40 AM   #26 (permalink)
lascivious
 
Mantus's Avatar
 
Frikin' nice Windbreaker.

TFP Dating Advice - We say it, you lay it

Mantus is offline  
Old 12-13-2005, 12:08 PM   #27 (permalink)
Unencapsulated
 
JustJess's Avatar
 
Location: Kittyville
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mantus
TFP Dating Advice - We say it, you lay it


Brilliant!

I haven't been commenting, just following, since y'all had this so well covered. Nice work, and kudos to windbreaker!!
I love a happy ending.
__________________
My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.
JustJess is offline  
 

Tags
advice

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:36 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360