soma

I recently found out from a friend that this girl had a crush on me last semester. This girl and I live in the same dorm and have started casually hanging out this past week, and she's always telling me, hey we should hang out more, blah blah blah.

Now, I'm not a very experienced person relationship wise (actually, I have 0 experience) and I would like to know how to get into a relationship with her. I'm interested in her too, but don't know if it's too early. We never formally met until last week. Should I just continue hanging out with her and then ask her on a date? Also, how should I do that (are you single? do you have a boyfriend? would you like to go on a date with me?). I'm not even sure she's single, but she's definitely making an effort to spend time with me.

So how should I proceed? I want to get to know her better and maybe start a real boyfriend girlfriend relationship with her.

Thanks and happy Friday!

Edit: I understand that if we hang out too much, we might be just friends. I don't want that to happen, but I don't want to jump the gun and ask her out too soon. Argh. I am absolutely clueless. tips, advice, anything would be appreciated.

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Having Girl Problems?

Jinn

First of all -- calm down. If you get too antsy and stressed about this, you'll lose your mind trying to analyse her reactions. Trust me, I was at the "zero experience" level just a few years ago. That said, you're very lucky that .. that's how I met my girlfriend, thats how my roommate met his girlfriend, and as a matter of fact thats how most of my friends got with who they're with. It's always easiest to relate to someone who has something in common with you. Sharing a dorm creates a lot of opportunity for conversation, and you could simply invite her up or down or over to your dorm to hang out and watch TV. She may not be looking for anything at all, and might simply want a friend -- so you have to be ready for that. Having a "relationship" with a girl is realistically no different than your "relationship" with your male friends. It doesn't have to be a formal declaration of "I WANT YOU" to be recognized. Hang out with her as much as you realistically can, and if you feel that you'd both benefit from becoming exclusive, THEN you can make that declaration.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Zegel

"Hey, we should hang out more" = "Ask me out already, damn it!"

Dont get ahead of yourself though. Date first, then think about a relationship. And you dont even need to ask her if she has a boyfriend; just ask her out on a date and make it clear that it's a date. If she has a boyfriend she'll let you know.

SiN

first ... one step at a time.

hang out, get to know, casually date, exclusive date, relationship.

perhaps i'm just fussing on semantics, but...yeah.
you don't want to frighten her off

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Jinn

The friend zone is the bane of the male existance, but it can be avoided. If this is a realistic fear, then you might have to be more forward than I stated in my initial post. Take it to the physical level, quickly and noticeably, but not creepily. In a conversation, use any chance you can to touch her on the shoulder, on the arm, or even "accidently" bump into her. I'm not talking Lester the Molester style, but physical contact early in the relationship is usually what determines the-friend-zone versus relationship material. Don't go grabbing or groping, but make it clear that you enjoy being in close PHYSICAL proximity as well as emotional proximity.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Glory's Sun

"Hey" is usually a good place to start

micah67

Backrubs are also a good start.

I remember a funny incident in class where the professor stated, with humor, "80% of all backrubs end up in some form of intimate contact" (I made up the number; I don't remember what it really was). The funny part was that, at that moment, one of the girls in class was giving a shoulder rub to a guy in front of her. As the professor's comments sunk in, she realized what we were all thinking and became quite embarrassed.

Maybe you had to be there…

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~micah

Martian

Don't go and spoil it all by sayin something stupid. Like I love you.

Early morning + Frank Sinatra + No coffee = A bad combination...

Seriously, it's not that big a deal. I don't know why people insist on overcomplicating these things. You've got a leg up already because you even know that she likes you. Just ask her to hang out some time and don't fuck it up by mauling her on the first date. That's third date territory. Take it slow, take a deep breath and have a good time.

And follow the rest of the advice here, too. These folks know what they're talking about.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame