It was exremely trusting to take some 'strange' guy home in the first place, and I tend to agree with the guys here that say you sent mixed signals, but not necessarily that he wouldn't call at all because you didn't put out, even if, personally, that would have been my first reaction.
If you should see him again and still haven't gotten the call, it'd be your best best, as stated, to just go up to him and admit, 'Hey, I'm sorry, I fucked up and would like to take your phone number. Can we start over?' You have nothing to lose, a bit to gain and a lesson learned. (I'd also be a bit more cautious next time about this 'taking back to my house and fooling around'. No one likes to be teased-if the situation were reversed, you would have wondered WTF, I'm sure.)

I want a girl to honestly tell me that if you're out drinking with a guy and having a jolly old time.. and you go home with him.. that you're not expecting SOMETHING?

There's way too much emphasis on how the sexes are "so different." No.. in reality we're the same.. there are girls who want one night stands, there are guys who want one night stands. There are girls who think the guy should call first, there are guys who think girls should call first. There are guys who think going home with a girl means boinking, and there are girls who think going home with a guy means boinking.

How would YOU react, if you were in HIS shoes? It'll offer more insight than trying to guess his motivations..

If I really liked a girl and offered my number and she refused it, I wouldn't call her. Guys consistantly have to make the first move, therefore they consistantly get rejected. It's not easy. Kind of makes you feel like crap. Doesn't matter if swapping spit happended before or not, both guys and girls often send mixed signals. It's not hard to write down a phone number. If you didn't take it, it's a sure sign to him that you don't expect to keep in touch.

Yes you blew it.....

Next time take the number.

This is all very fascinating, reading how yall know exactly why some guy didn't call a girl back.

Maybe he just lost her number...?

If you like someone, and want to be more intimate with them, and they offer increased intimacy at a measured and acceptable pace, you accept it and reciprocate in kind. Everything else is just dross.

I had a long speal. But really, that's it.

Yes, and don't bother asking him why he didn't call, because it really doesn't matter. If he offers an explanation, fine... but don't ask. If you were to bring up your last meeting with him, it would be a good thing to limit it to - "I really had a good time the other night, and I wish I had taken your number." ... and let it go at that.

Good luck on round #2 if you see him again....and DON'T FORGET TO GET HIS NUMBER ! :)


Oh, and one more thing. If you see him again, and get his number...that could be considered date #2. Then if you call him, and end up seeing him a third time... I see a green light for sex!

Sure I know what you mean 777, but this guy is awesome. I mean just down to earth. I'm so picky and I forgot how to get a freakin' date. When I was offered, I screwed it up. I don't know what to do. I think I'm just going to ask for his number next time I see him. Just play casual, ya know? Is that dumb of me to do?

Nope. Go for it! :thumbsup:

Yes. Ask for that number.

Not kissing on the first date=quaint
Not putting out after meeting at a bar=safe
Not asking for a phone number as a principle=?????

Do you mean a girl not asking for a phone number poppin? Hmm I guess I was just raised old school. I've been getting opinions at work and since he hasn't called yet, they say its his loss. But then again I work with a bunch of 40 year old women... Hmmm So is it the new 21st century thing to do.... For women to make the first move?

It's simple he felt rejected like every other guy here is saying. It's nothing special; it's nothing against you.

Simple miscommunication

We, guys have to deal with so many different women in different situations that if we get rejected, esp twice we already are wondering.

One more thing that hasn't really been talked about; this was his birthday. I don't know about other guys but if it’s your birthday and you’re in a bar that means you’re looking to have a really good time. So when he meets a lady who shows interest and then on top of that asks him back to her place...I don't care if you are a priest your first thought even if its only in the back of your mind is YES GREAT PRESENT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!

He's probably a great guy like your saying but his little head was talking that night plain and simple. No matter how nice of a guy, he felt a letdown. Is it enough of an excuse to not call you? No. Could of it been handled by both of you better? Of course.

You could have been more upfront about why you didn’t want to go all the way and he could of well, called you. Trust me on this fact, if you walk up and talk to him; you probably won’t even have to ask for his number, just show interest maybe say it’d be nice to get together sometime. He’ll call you, while we hate rejection guys or more then willing to call if we know you’ll say yes.

Honey, i'm a 40 year old women, and women have been making the first move since i was your age... Sadie hawkins set a precedent long ago.... If you wait for him to ask - you are gonna be waiting a long time... Women need to get over themselves pretty quickly and if there's something they want -- ask for it - it's not always going to come to you.

And let me point out the obivious -- he volunteered his number to you.., He made the first move - -you said no... you have to at least meet him half way and accept the number-- and give him yours in the process...

He's gonna call you this weekend, at the bar (probably the same one), after he's had a couple and ask you to meet him out saying something to the effect of "I had a great time last weekend, why don't you meet me out here again."

It's still only been two days. All that happened in one drunken night, which probably deserves another, but does't necessarily demand exploring the possibilities on a Monday or Tuesday.

I'd put money on it. He'll call this weekend.

reminds me of the movie SummerTime with Katherine Hepburn in Venice Italy... the whole movie is her wishing things were different without her making the first move but always wanting the other person to do it and then being very upset that the other person didn't.

If you went up to a cute boy you liked, built up the courage, and offered him your number, and he said "no, I do not want your number", how would you feel?

Everyone needs to read mal's wisdom right here; this applies to boys and girls, men and women alike. It's not just about relationships either.


.. can I get an AMEN.

The 50's called, they want their dating protocol back! You made out with him! That WAS the first move! You should have taken his number!

Now that I have grilled you :icare: , I will tell you what I would do...Go to the same bars this weekend at the same times. If he is there, he can't say you're stalking him because you came to the same bar last week. So, you are in the clear about being there. If you see him, wave and smile, but don't go over and talk to him. Make yourself available without initiating conversation.

WHATEVER YOU DO: do NOT mention that he hasn't called, just act cool and be friendly. Do not EVER mention that he didn't call. Do not EVER ask for his number, but if he offers it, take it.

P.S. Year 2000 dating protocol for men: Act like you don't care. Girls can't stand it when you don't chase them. They get all upset and start wondering what is wrong with them and why this guy doesn't call. "He acted like he liked me last weekend, why doesn't he act like he likes me now. Why hasn't he called?!?!" His 'inaction' does more work towards getting what he wants (you to throw yourself at him) than any 'action' he could possibly do. Your original post proves my point. You are so focused on this guy right now that there is NO WAY he isn't going to score the next time he sees you because you aren't going to risk him getting away again. At least, that is what he THINKS will become of it.

The fallacy of this protocol is that, ultimately, men still can't get past the desire to have sex. It will drive him to typical male behavior (calling, writing, flowers, dinner, etc) soon enough. Just be patient and don't act like YOU care so much that he didn't call. Women are always in the driver's seat in the dating scene as long as they keep their cool and recognize their value.

And so you'll meet another awesome guy :) If you meet some one special, that's cool. And if you find the stranger from last weekend and pick up where you two left off, that's cool too.

Just calling isn't really the first move. If you called, he would most likely ask you out during that conversation. It's no different than saying in person, "well, I had a really good time tonight!"

My wife made the first move, but passively. She made it clear that she was available. I think that still qualifies as old fashioned.

Maybe he is nervous at making the first call too. Hence the reason he offered you his phone number. :)

I think that until old HoneyPot runs into this bloke or find another Pooh, this thread has beaten to a bloody pulp.

UPDATE!!!!
 

So here goes.... last night I didn't see him... It was a little disappointing. Anyways, I saw his friend instead... I was talking to him a little and then asked about where, lets call him Mike, was. So he gave me his number to call him... I called him, but I think I screwed up again. I called him after I got home last night. Not good. I couldn't wait to talk to him!!! I think he thinks I was being a drunk dialer, but I really wasn't. Anyway, he was in another town at another bar. Too bad. I texted him today, just to clear up my 'drunk dialer' name.... DID I SCREW UP AGAIN? AM I LOOKING TOO DESPERATE? ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! :crazy:

It ain't over till I say it is!!!! :D

Why yes, yes you did. Please refer back to my original post. In my estimation, you did pretty much the exact opposite of everything you should have done.

1) No talking to his friends.
2) No asking his friends where he is.
3) No getting his phone number from his friends.
4) No calling him immediately after getting his number.
5) No text messaging him the next day to apologize for 1 - 4.

It would be easier for you to send him a text message right now saying "Don't ever talk to me again." That would have the same effect as what you did.

Imagine you meet a cool guy in a bar and you get his digits. You don't call him because it's been a busy week and you couldn't have seen him, even if you wanted to. You have a friend in from out of town who wants to go to this bar across town. So, you go with her to this other bar and are having a nice time. Then your girlfriend calls you up and says "Hey, you know that guy that you met last week. Yeah, he is at the same bar tonight and came up and asked me about you. He kept talking about you so I went ahead and gave him your digits. I hope you don't mind." An hour later, the guy calls you from outside a bar and says "Hey, what's up? Remember we met last week? Yeah, well I am at the same bar and was wondering if I was going to see you? How come you didn't call me this week? blah - blah - blah" The next morning, you are just waking up when you get a text message on your phone from the same guy apologizing for calling you the previous night and hoping you aren't mad and call him back when you get the chance.

Okay, so would you call that guy back? Neither would he. :(

hmmmm okay then

I apologize if my frankness offends you, that was not my intent. :(

Believe it or not, I would do you a disservice if I said it any other way. My choice of words was a calculated attempt to shock you so that a lesson will be learned and applied to future opportunities. Rather than focusing on the tone of the message, just try to take in the message itself.

If you are truly upset with me (rather than simply projecting your disappointment in your own actions upon me), I will make it a point to avoid giving you advice in future requests. I do wish you all the success in Love that we all deserve.

Good News!
 

Last night I went out for a bruskee with a friend of mine. It was a very relaxed and laid-back atmosphere. I totally got asked my phone number and guess what, I know you'll never believe this, but he asked if I wanted his. I said yes! Awesome, I'm so proud of myself. The moment was slow motion when he asked, but miraciously(spelling?), I said sure. Thanks everyone! :D

ok a few q's...

1) is this the same guy??

and

2) did he call?

oh riveting stuff waiting for the details...rubs hands

No this isn't the same guy... Dangit. No he didn't call. I really messed up on that one. I don't know how it will be the next time I will see him...

I am speaking from the position of a man and I think:
He is interested in you but does not know if you are interested in him. So he gave you his number so that you can show your interest. You said he was a gentleman, so he did not ask for your number. The reason is that this might be uncomfortable for you. To avoid putting you in a situation where you would have to give him a wrong number, or not answer the call, if you are not interested, he simply offered his number. And let the choice to you.