Mom has issues with my gf
 

A little background info to start you guys off.....I've been with my girlfriend for 4 months now and we live really close to each other (40 mins). She visited me as often as she could with work and all and vice versa with me (I didn't have work). I got drafted to play baseball for the Houston Astros and they shipped me off to Tennessee for the summer. She came out to visit once for a week and that was great. She came out again on the 9th of August for 2 weeks and leaves on the 25th. My mom and grandma are out here as well. They came out on the 18th and leave on the 24th.

So when my girlfriend first met my mom she thought that she didn't like her. I told her otherwise and that she did like her. So I left her with my mom and grandma today, which so happened to be here 20th birthday, and she was saying that my mom said some pretty nasty things about her (which my mom didn't know that she could hear) and they hurt her feelings a lot; such as how she didn't like the earrings she was wearing and some other things. There was also a proposal at the ballpark today and my mom said "I'm glad thats not *insert my name* and *insert my gf's name*. She is really frustrated and really sad. She just wants to fit in with our family and my mom is making it very hard. My gf is trying really hard to have my mom like her but it doesn't seem to be happeneing. I finally saw what she was talking about tonight at dinner with the way my mom acted. I really don't know what it is that my mom doesn't like about her but for some reason it seems like she doesnt.

I'm just looking for some advice on what to do. I think I need to have a talk with my mom and see what she says about those things but I'm not sure about how to go about it. I could use any help and its much appreciated. Thanks everybody.

Give it some time. Tell your girlfriend to be a trooper and to remember that every mom who loves her son is protective of him. Four months is not a long time for your mom to get used to the idea of you having another woman in your life. ;)

In the meanwhile, only talk to you mom about the good qualities in your girlfriend. Never say anything negative. If she realises her son is happy, she may accept your girlfriend more readily.

Wise words, from one so young. Is any woman ever good enough for a mother's son? In all of history...maybe two.
If your gf wants to fit in with mom, it's gonna take a hell of a lot more than 4 months. Give it time. If the gf is "worthy", Mom'll gradually warm up to her.
As far as the earrings thing...phhhht, who cares? I can see why the gf got her feelings hurt, but she wasn't supposed to hear that. Mom's taste aparently differs from your gf's. Not an issue.

patience or make a stand
 

Moms can be pretty protective.
You can't go through your life expecting your mom to approve of everything you do and who you date. In her mind she already has some sort of plans for what she wants for her son.

My advice here is to feel out what your mom dislikes about this girl (and do others dislike the same things...cause your view of her is bias cause you are into her already) and maybe try to overcome these things with some positives.

4 months isn't a longtime so it will probably take more time....patience will be key here. your mom may be playin tuff in the beginning and who knows she may open up, relax and everything will work out fine.

Or you could make a stand and push back on this with your mom...although I wouldn't advise it moms usually don't react very well to this approach.

Good luck! :thumbsup:

I agree that mom's can be protective. Im lucky that my mom is pretty cool with the girlfriends that i have had. She just usually says what she thinks to me in private but she respects my choices and gives the girl a fair chance. I agree with the rest of the responses in that 4 months really is not that much time. While your waiting, maybe see if there is a reason why your mom doesn't like your gf?

Yeah, look, is your mom dating her, or are you? Just be as good to each other as you can possibly be and enjoy being with each other. Mom will either come around or she won't.

Give me a break, just because mom is protective of you doesn't give her the right to go around and be really nasty to the woman you really like.

I had to put up with that kind of crap from my ex-gf's parent, especially her father and it was one of the main reason I dumped her simply because they couldn't stop treating me like a dipshit.

Tell your mother to smarten up and start treating your gf with respect from now on.

I've seen this situation quite a bit. I know a couple of families that are basically torn apart because parents and in-laws can't get along. Don't let that happen to you.

Make it clear to your mother that, if she can't say something nice, she shouldn't say anything at all. Make it clear to her that you love her, but if she can't follow that rule, then you can't invite her to be with you when you are with your girlfriend.

Your girlfriend should also have the same rule... I know you're not indicating that she is being rude to your mother, but she could decide to start retaliating.

Tell your mom to suck a fucking cock. I'd be so pissed that I'd start a screaming fest with my temper. Tell her that it's your business with your girlfriend and just because she doesn't get to be the only woman in your life doesn't mean she has to be a bitch. Tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't like it, she can go to hell.

-Lasereth

The best thing to do is keep the communication channels open. Talk to your mom about how she's making your girlfriend feel. If she's deliberately trying to sabotage your relationship the least she can do is give you some good reason. And if you don't agree with what she says then so be it.

LPM hit the nail on the head. I'm 36 years old, dated around a bit before I got married, and have dated around a bit since i've been divorced. My mom hasyetn to like a singl lady that i've dated...even the ones she never met. It's her job to not like who I am seeing. However she is never rude to them (those that I have been serious enough about to introduce to her), and I would be pretty upset if she were. You need to have a calm, rational, adult conversation with her. Blowing up at her will accomplish nothing but driving a wedge between you two.

From what I can tell, my mother likes my wife better than she likes me. They frequently talk on the phone and my own mother will call, ask for my wife, and not even say hi to me.

On the other hand, my oldest sister and my wife can't be in the same room for more than 5 minutes without WWIII starting. My sister is annoying as hell, but I can tolerate her. My wife cannot. I've seen my sister twice in the last 15 years (once by accident, once without my wife). If my mom and wife couldn't get along, mom would loose (and she knows it).

My family doesn't have to like my spouse, they do have to be civil to her.

Just go up to your mom and talk to her. Say, "Hey mom I was wondering what you didnt like about 'Julie'. I see that you are not really relating to her and there seems to be an uneasyness in the air. Just wondering what was going on." Just make sure you get it out in the open now and then explain to your GF what your mother's perspective is on her and hopefully your GF will understand your mom's perspective and work to make things more confortable when she is around. When your mom is not around your GF doesnt have to do shit LOL.

CRX Forum

This is exactly the tack I would take - whatever it is that she has a problem with, you need to get out in a preferably non-threatening way.

well according to the thread in the ladies lounge that your g/f started...you decided you only thought you had feelings for her, and you've discovered that you dont and broke up with her, so I guess its not a problem anymore

Can't say I didn't see this break up coming a mile away.

Why has no one commented on this yet? Screw your girlfriend man, you're playing pro-baseball. ;)

...after all this you break up with her, after confronting your mom about being a bitch??? Dude you need to quit hanging off your mommy's nipples and grow up!!! On top of that you are playing pro ball now......guaranteed thats why you gassed the girl...you prolly had some ball bunny all over your business and fell to temptation. Either way....sounds like you got some growing up to do!

Overreact much?

Wow, just wow. I thought this would have a happier ending...

nwlinkvxd's mom has HUGE issues with me STILL after 2 years and 4 months- and we're still together.

It's sad that you broke it off just because you couldn't deal.

No balls....and you struck out.....Looks like Moms a damn good pitcher.
Too bad you didnt step up to the plate, as you may regret sitting in the dugout....alone.

OK...I'm Done...heh

Dude is playing ball, many more interesting girls will come his way--this was coming.

I think the reason probably was his mom manipulating him though, which makes me kind of LOL.

She'll love driving the Benz you buy her with your signing bonus, sonny boy.

Maybe, but when someone is being a bitch just because they want control, they need to be "told" that they're being a bitch.

Not sure if you broke up with her because of your mom or because you didn't really have feelings for her. Your GF's post in the Ladie's Lounge made it sound like your mom brainwashed you. I hope this isn't the case.

-Lasereth

You are 21 years old. At this point in your life you should be able to say to your mom;
"That's my girlfriend, I like her and I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your negative comments to yourself."

Be nice, but be blunt. Don't say "*gf's name* doesn't really like it when you say that stuff."
Say "I don't like it when you say that stuff."

She needs to know this behaviour isn't acceptable now or in the future.

Only read the OP. But if you are happy you need to sac up and set your mother straight. Doesn't have to be harsh and it doesn't have to be hurtful. You tell her how you feel about this women and in so many words you tell her that when you insult/ hurt my gf, you are in turn hurting my feelings as well. If things persist, do what i do. Cut off contact with Mom for two weeks. No phone calls, emails, letters, carrier pigeons, etc.

That always gets things through to my folks that you just don't mess with the people in my life who are closest to me.

Himbo.

Be honest to your mom, tell her how you feel about it and that shes going to lose out on a wonderful thing that you two share. If you can't be honest with your mother than who can you really be honest with?

You know there comes that time when parents stop worrying about you meeting the wrong person and begin worrying about you meeting the right one. This will eventually work itself out. I think a talk with your Mom will help. You need to make sure that she doesn't try to give the standard "No, I don't know what you're talkng about, I do like her, honest." This is not true feelings, so be prepared to back it up with the facts you have stated here. Let her know that you have noticed it and it is making you feel uncomfortable. You need to make sure to reiterate to her that this attitude toward your girlfriend will not make the two of you break up, in fact I have seen cases where it actually drives the two closer, so you Mom had better get used to the idea of you being with her. Especially if you Mom wants to spend anytime with you at all, since new relationship people tend to spend a lot of time together.

I had a similar scenario when I was dating my wife. My mother and she get along now, they're not the best of friends or anything, but they are on speaking terms, hey, it's a start right.

Dude,

You have made the biggest mistake of your life. You broke up with your GF because mommy didn't like her. Whether this relationship continued or not, mom now knows that she can control your life. You need to tell your mom that she has two options, respect who YOU chose to be with and respect that person OR don't plan on seeing either one of us. Your mom needs to know that it is YOUR CHOICE to pick who you desire to be with.

Second, you need to explain to your GF that you and your mother have a close relationship. Mom ain't going to be to happy having to share, if she can't accept that then she should hit the road.

Reading your post and your GF's post, seems this girl cared a lot about you and was willing to put with your mom's crap and try to make it work. Dude, you need to get down on your knees and kiss your GF's ass. It seems that most, not all, girls are very possive, however, your ex doesn't seem that way.

Archfish

Wait a minute...

You got drafted to play professional baseball and you're worried about your mommy liking your girlfriend? Tell your mom you grow up and move on.