My wife wants another man....what to do? - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Johnny Pyro · 07-23-2005, 05:09 AM

Swingers or open relationships, most of the times doesn't work. If your perfectly fine with another man fucking your girlfriend or wife, than you definetly have some personal issues, thats just my opinion. Sex can be a bond between two people in love and that should be it.

Okay, I would love to bang two girls at one time for fun, but I wouldn't want to be involved with that person on a spirtual and loving level. Thats just me.

ratbastid · 07-23-2005, 09:07 PM

I think the main thing we're learning in this thread is this:

People need to be careful with the word "is".

Eg:

"Sex is a bond between two people."

"There is always some level of uncertainty."

"Open relationships are by definition flighty and lack clear structure."

Substute "can be" for "is" (or "are") in any of those sentances and you've got a perfectly valid statement, something anyone could agree with. Unfortunately, as written they're merely jabs at a way of life the writer knows nothing about beyond their prejudices and iron-clad opinions.

Ustwo · 07-23-2005, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratbastid

I think the main thing we're learning in this thread is this:

People need to be careful with the word "is".

First Clinton has issues with it, now TFP

lurkette · 07-25-2005, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ustwo

First Clinton has issues with it, now TFP

At least we're not arguing about the definition of the word, just questioning its usage.

I have to agree with my hubby here - I would have absolutely no problem with any of the statements folks have made about open marriage/polyamory/swinging/nonmonogamy if they weren't so damned definitive and absolutely certain that their opinion is fact. I know people in nonmonogamous relationships who are flakes and are probably avoiding problems in their marriage. I know people who have polyamorous relationships and are more solid than 90% of the "traditional" marriages I've seen. In the absence of hard data, as Anomaly stated, your anecdotes and opinions are no more valid than mine.

I also fail to see why people have such a hard time accepting non-traditional relationships when the evidence seems to point to the relative non-viability of traditional monogamous marriage. I'm not at all surprised that people would seek out alternatives that left their marriage intact but stretched the boundaries of what people considered to be "marriage." I AM surprised at the judgmental statements I've seen - I thought TFP of all places would be a lot more open to new ideas, but I guess old paradigms die hard.

Ustwo · 07-25-2005, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lurkette

I also fail to see why people have such a hard time accepting non-traditional relationships when the evidence seems to point to the relative non-viability of traditional monogamous marriage. I'm not at all surprised that people would seek out alternatives that left their marriage intact but stretched the boundaries of what people considered to be "marriage." I AM surprised at the judgmental statements I've seen - I thought TFP of all places would be a lot more open to new ideas, but I guess old paradigms die hard.

I think it has more to do with the age of the posters. I know my opinions on this sort of thing at 20 were a lot different than at 35. You often get people who have been cheated on in the past and hurt badly by it and therefore react very strongly to this type of relationship. Sometimes people turn to this sort of relationship to save a marriage when in reality this type of thing will mostly likely destroy a weak marriage.

What you hear are the horror stories, and normally only the freaks are willing to go on tv and talk about it, so its easy to classify the people as somehow disfunctional.

The.Lunatic · 07-25-2005, 09:48 AM

I started writing stuff and then took it back wrote more took it back

This situation is far beyond my realm of insight.

Sorry bro you got a tough situation to handel

astrahl · 08-12-2005, 10:27 AM

I feel like I need to revive this thread because I am feeling the same way (as the wife).

I waited until three months before the wedding to lose my virginity to my husband. I was raised with the "good girls wait for marriage," shpeal and I totally bought into it. I think, after 6 years of marriage, I have come to realize that the mentality is a form of mental clitorectomy. Make women believe that so there is no comparing after marriage. Make women believe that men want good girls and good girls wait.

Men don't care. I know this now.

So my problem is now - I am very distraught over my decision to not have any sexual experiences with another man. I have been feeling this growing regret the past year or so and it has become more and more pronounced over the past few months. I feel like a very sexual person and I have missed out on one of the greatest human experiences there is.

I do not want to cheat on my husband. Sometimes I just feel like, is this it? Am I going to be 60 and still have this aching regret? That thought tears me apart.

This issue is so very complicated. There are so many facets to the problem - I don't know that anybody here wants to peel through it all. I think part of the feeling comes from a sense of detachment I have from my husband. I don't feel the IN-love feeling I used to have when we were dating. I love him - please understand that I love him, but I feel like a best friend more than a passionate lover.

I have talked with him about my feelings and he is concerned about what it is doing to me. He knows how upset I am about it and even suggested that I go "do it." But how can you do that? I can only imagine the implications down the line. <shudder> I hate the regret that I'm feeling but what can I do? Just suck it up and feel awful about what could have been? "Do it," and deal with the consequences? How would I even go about finding somebody?? I'm totally lost.

I have talked with my mom about how I feel and she agrees that the absolute about waiting for marriage is not right. She is in her 60's, widowed and regrets only knowing one man. I do NOT want to be her. So what do I do? I'm stuck - I'm totally fucking stuck and it brings me to tears.

Cervantes · 08-12-2005, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by astrahl

I feel like I need to revive this thread because I am feeling the same way (as the wife).

I waited until three months before the wedding to lose my virginity to my husband. I was raised with the "good girls wait for marriage," shpeal and I totally bought into it. I think, after 6 years of marriage, I have come to realize that the mentality is a form of mental clitorectomy. Make women believe that so there is no comparing after marriage. Make women believe that men want good girls and good girls wait.

Men don't care. I know this now.

So my problem is now - I am very distraught over my decision to not have any sexual experiences with another man. I have been feeling this growing regret the past year or so and it has become more and more pronounced over the past few months. I feel like a very sexual person and I have missed out on one of the greatest human experiences there is.

I do not want to cheat on my husband. Sometimes I just feel like, is this it? Am I going to be 60 and still have this aching regret? That thought tears me apart.

This issue is so very complicated. There are so many facets to the problem - I don't know that anybody here wants to peel through it all. I think part of the feeling comes from a sense of detachment I have from my husband. I don't feel the IN-love feeling I used to have when we were dating. I love him - please understand that I love him, but I feel like a best friend more than a passionate lover.

I have talked with him about my feelings and he is concerned about what it is doing to me. He knows how upset I am about it and even suggested that I go "do it." But how can you do that? I can only imagine the implications down the line. <shudder> I hate the regret that I'm feeling but what can I do? Just suck it up and feel awful about what could have been? "Do it," and deal with the consequences? How would I even go about finding somebody?? I'm totally lost.

I have talked with my mom about how I feel and she agrees that the absolute about waiting for marriage is not right. She is in her 60's, widowed and regrets only knowing one man. I do NOT want to be her. So what do I do? I'm stuck - I'm totally fucking stuck and it brings me to tears.

Quiet frankly I think this deserves a thread on it's own.

Your situation is complicated with lots of deep pits, what I can suggest is that you do not go out and pick up a guy and have sex with him. Your husband may have said "do it" but it just wouldn't be fair to him.
I can however recomend that you try and bring up the idea of swinging to him. If you are going to go out and have sexual experiences with other people it's only fair that he get's to do the same. And it might take the edge off the guilt and remorse.

http://www.sexuality.org/mgswing.html <<-- This is a good introduction to swinging, what it is and what it is not, read it through and maybe even talk it over with your husband. Maybe it will work for you or maybe not, you are the best judge of that. This is only a suggestion from my part.
A lot of people in similar situations as yours have been able get their "curiosity" sated by this lifestyle.

I agree that most guys don't want inexperienced women, getting married before getting at least some sexual experience is not a good idea in my book.
Sure the idea of having a virgin in bed may be a huge turnon for some guys but it looses it's allure very fast.
An open mind and knowledge about what guys like and what you need and want in bed is much better in the long run.

Coll Storm · 08-12-2005, 08:51 PM

My advice on this subject is simple.

1: Don't do it. Explain to her why you're uncomfortable with the situation. Let her know that if she does it on her own... the marriage is over. Be firm about it; but remember also... it wasn't much of a problem when you wanted another women in the bedroom. That or at least you don't sound like you're complaining about it. You give some to get some.

2: I'll only say this once.... YOU HAVE CHILDREN!!!! If this situation gets out in any way and they're in the middle of it, may god have mercy on your soul! Those kids will not grow up well adjusted by the actions that you and your wife take now. Think about how they're going to feel if any of this is found out or if you get a divorce; because of it.

3: Last, but not least. Seek couples therapy! The both of you sound like there is a major trust issue going on and it seems that it's spinning out of control. If you don't do something now then you and your wife/children will be scarred for life, if they're not already.

justjt · 08-13-2005, 12:46 PM

Man there is no turning back if you take this path in your marriage.
Think it through big time!!!!
You have to seriously consider your feelings here as well.....I mean it can be labeled anyway you want....but it still comes down to she will be sleeping with another man....thats another mans cock in her mouth, inside her and touching her the way you do.

I mean if you can honestly say thats something that wouldn't bother you...hey I say "Charge!!!"

You are at a defining moment in your life right now...for your marriage...and for you as a person.

innovis · 08-15-2005, 06:23 PM

Astrahl, what exactly do you desire from your husband that he does not give to you? Do you need lust and passion and experimentation?

Why do you regret not having sex with anyone else? What would you have now, if you'd had sex, that you do not have? Knowledge that your husband may indeed suck or be passionless?

By the way, have you recently had children or does he work a very stressful job?

I'd recommend expending all options(counceling, sex therapy) BEFORE thinking about going outside the marriage, or even mentioning it. If you tell your husband you regret not having sex with anyone else, and may want to, do you think he'll want to have sex with you more?

astrahl · 08-16-2005, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by innovis

Astrahl, what exactly do you desire from your husband that he does not give to you? Do you need lust and passion and experimentation?

Why do you regret not having sex with anyone else? What would you have now, if you'd had sex, that you do not have? Knowledge that your husband may indeed suck or be passionless?

By the way, have you recently had children or does he work a very stressful job?

I'd recommend expending all options(counceling, sex therapy) BEFORE thinking about going outside the marriage, or even mentioning it. If you tell your husband you regret not having sex with anyone else, and may want to, do you think he'll want to have sex with you more?

It isn't that he doesn't do something I want, but I have never known another man that way. I regret it because I denied myself the experience of other people for no good reason. If I had another partner, I would at least know what somebody else feels like.

There are no children and no other highly stressful areas of the relationship. This is just a matter of me getting suckered into the "good girls" mentality and regreting it now.

I never had the rebellious time of life in my 20's. Most people do the college thing and get all of that out of their system. I was always a good girl...through high school and through college and then, with the sudden death of my father just before college graduation, I was thrust into the caretaker role. I never got a chance to live life with the reckless abandon most people get when they are that young.

Now I am just into my 30's and I'm getting to feel like I was cheated out of youth. A big part of that was the domineering attitude my parents and family had over dating and sexuality. I know there is more to this issue than just sex, but I think that it plays a big part.

lurkette · 08-16-2005, 06:13 AM

Astrahl, I understand what you mean. I was a virgin when I met ratbastid, and I was also bi but never did anything about it. I never had the wild experimentation that a lot of people had in their 20s. For me the issue wasn't so much "what did I miss," it was that I'd basically shut off my lust for women for years because I was married and had a pretty narrow picture of what marriage looked like.

So what I'm about to suggest might sound a little hypocritical:

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Most of my friends who DID have a wild experimentation phase say I didn't miss much. They say it was uncomfortable, stressful, the sex wasn't really always that good, and they kind of envy that I found my partner so fast. If you're just worried that you missed something, don't forget that it's not all passion and fun - you also missed fear, insecurity, boredom, yadda yadda yadda.

If your husband is truly, truly okay with you experimenting with other men, go ahead, but go in with your eyes open. It's probably not going to "fix" anything, and the best way to go into nonmonogamy is as partners. Would he be up for a threesome with another man? Do you really want to have sex with other men, or do you just want the flirtation and making out and feeling vital and wanted? What is his comfort level with varioius things (intercourse vs. say, third base)? What is your comfort level with various things, when it comes right down to it in realilty?

Opening up our relationship to other people has been one of the most rewarding experiences I've had, but it's also been one of the most stressful. Think pretty hard about the realities of things, as opposed to the fantasy that "other men" have become for you in your mind.

tecoyah · 08-16-2005, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lurkette

Opening up our relationship to other people has been one of the most rewarding experiences I've had, but it's also been one of the most stressful. Think pretty hard about the realities of things, as opposed to the fantasy that "other men" have become for you in your mind.

This is so very true......and extremely important to understand. If the relationship is weak it will likely never withstand the added pressure that comes with an open marriage. It is also quite different for many men , in that they (I) am quite hypocritical concerning another man becoming involved. I find it unlikely anyone would be unaffected by sexual experimentation with someone outside a marriage bond, But the experience is not negative...per se. It is critical that you are both completely honest with each other where emotions are involved. It WILL come back to bite you in the ass if you are not both on the same page.....thus the term "Open" in this whole thing.

Good Luck

ratbastid · 08-16-2005, 06:50 AM

I second what tec and that hot chick lurkette say:

It's about COMMUNICATION first, foremost, and forever.

The single best way to fuck up a relationship--poly, mono, marital, extramarital, committed, casual, and all various flavors of what-have-you--is to not communicate. Second best way is to assidously avoid self-knowledge. As someone who has done both, I recommend you learn from my mistakes.

kangaeru · 08-17-2005, 09:41 AM

I agree with lurkette...the grass is definitely always greener. I was a virgin until about a year ago this month actually. Between now and then I've had sex with like...6 different people?

And you know what I've found? It all kinda sucks...it's not the grand party it's made out to be. It's a lot of bullshit, pregnancy scares, STD worries in the back of your head...

But it does suck to have that regret. Even if you find out it wasn't worth it...at least you lived it and you know. So I see where you're coming from. You always have an option you know...if you really want this out of your system, you can do something. Just decide how much it's worth to you, because you'll have to live with whatever the consequences are...and there will be consequences of some kind--nothing in life is free.

twisted4play · 08-22-2005, 11:23 AM

MY wife want to be with anouther man. Wasn't comfortable about it so I divorced her. Now I am the other man, have sex more often with her than her new husband does and the sex is kinkier and she is a lot wilder. Besides that I don't pay for all her new clothes and jewels now. Best of all I make it with other women when is want and know regrets. What ever happens for you I hope you keep it safe and enjoy life.

astrahl · 08-23-2005, 04:08 AM

twisted, it sounds like you divorced your wife for something YOU are doing now...

Carno · 08-23-2005, 05:56 AM

No, he is not doing what she wanted to do. If that were the case, they would still be married and he would be sleeping with other women.

She wanted to have sex with a man she wasn't married to, and now she is, albeit the same man.

surfi3 · 08-23-2005, 11:21 AM

If you aren't comfortable with it, don't do it. Like many others have said, you have kids and they really have to be taken into consideration before anything else happens. The last thing you want is to allow her to see the guy and then afterwards you have ill feelings towards the whole situation and things turn nasty.

bothwaysfun · 08-25-2005, 09:19 PM

The first thing to think about is what you already said, and most have repeated it to you...You don't feel comfortable with the idea.

Entering into a sexual relationship is a big commitment. Comfort level and trust is ultimatly what you base a realtionship on. If your not ready, say so. Talk about it. Explain your perspective. Let her explain hers. Maybe once you do this, some comfort will come to you. maybe not.

I know from experience that it is a huge step to move to separate playgrounds.

My wife and I originally talked about a threesome, but I felt more comfortable with a foursome. We discussed each others fears and limits and then proceeded. It was a wonderful experience and that led to more comfort with each others desires and fantasies.

We have progressed now, and she has had a couple of experieces on her own, which I enjoy hearing all about. This trust and understanding came with time and open discussion.

You may never be open to it, and that's ok. If you are, always keep and open discussion on what is happening, you never know, you may get a real "kink" out of it!

07-23-2005, 05:09 AM	#41 (permalink)
Johnny Pyro Hey Now! Location: Massachusetts (Redneck, white boy town. I hate it here.)	Swingers or open relationships, most of the times doesn't work. If your perfectly fine with another man fucking your girlfriend or wife, than you definetly have some personal issues, thats just my opinion. Sex can be a bond between two people in love and that should be it. Okay, I would love to bang two girls at one time for fun, but I wouldn't want to be involved with that person on a spirtual and loving level. Thats just me. __________________ "From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. - Sheriff John Wydell Last edited by Johnny Pyro; 07-24-2005 at 05:29 PM..

07-25-2005, 09:48 AM	#46 (permalink)
The.Lunatic Psycho Location: Somewhere just beyond the realm of sanity...	I started writing stuff and then took it back wrote more took it back This situation is far beyond my realm of insight. Sorry bro you got a tough situation to handel __________________ Proud memeber of the Insomniac Club.

08-12-2005, 10:27 AM	#47 (permalink)
astrahl Insane Location: You don't want to live here	I feel like I need to revive this thread because I am feeling the same way (as the wife). I waited until three months before the wedding to lose my virginity to my husband. I was raised with the "good girls wait for marriage," shpeal and I totally bought into it. I think, after 6 years of marriage, I have come to realize that the mentality is a form of mental clitorectomy. Make women believe that so there is no comparing after marriage. Make women believe that men want good girls and good girls wait. Men don't care. I know this now. So my problem is now - I am very distraught over my decision to not have any sexual experiences with another man. I have been feeling this growing regret the past year or so and it has become more and more pronounced over the past few months. I feel like a very sexual person and I have missed out on one of the greatest human experiences there is. I do not want to cheat on my husband. Sometimes I just feel like, is this it? Am I going to be 60 and still have this aching regret? That thought tears me apart. This issue is so very complicated. There are so many facets to the problem - I don't know that anybody here wants to peel through it all. I think part of the feeling comes from a sense of detachment I have from my husband. I don't feel the IN-love feeling I used to have when we were dating. I love him - please understand that I love him, but I feel like a best friend more than a passionate lover. I have talked with him about my feelings and he is concerned about what it is doing to me. He knows how upset I am about it and even suggested that I go "do it." But how can you do that? I can only imagine the implications down the line. <shudder> I hate the regret that I'm feeling but what can I do? Just suck it up and feel awful about what could have been? "Do it," and deal with the consequences? How would I even go about finding somebody?? I'm totally lost. I have talked with my mom about how I feel and she agrees that the absolute about waiting for marriage is not right. She is in her 60's, widowed and regrets only knowing one man. I do NOT want to be her. So what do I do? I'm stuck - I'm totally fucking stuck and it brings me to tears. __________________ Maybe it was over when she chucked me out the Rover at full speed. Maybe Maybe... ~a-Ha

08-13-2005, 12:46 PM	#50 (permalink)
justjt Tilted Location: O.C. California	Not the answer Man there is no turning back if you take this path in your marriage. Think it through big time!!!! You have to seriously consider your feelings here as well.....I mean it can be labeled anyway you want....but it still comes down to she will be sleeping with another man....thats another mans cock in her mouth, inside her and touching her the way you do. I mean if you can honestly say thats something that wouldn't bother you...hey I say "Charge!!!" You are at a defining moment in your life right now...for your marriage...and for you as a person.

08-16-2005, 06:13 AM	#53 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Astrahl, I understand what you mean. I was a virgin when I met ratbastid, and I was also bi but never did anything about it. I never had the wild experimentation that a lot of people had in their 20s. For me the issue wasn't so much "what did I miss," it was that I'd basically shut off my lust for women for years because I was married and had a pretty narrow picture of what marriage looked like. So what I'm about to suggest might sound a little hypocritical: The grass is always greener on the other side. Most of my friends who DID have a wild experimentation phase say I didn't miss much. They say it was uncomfortable, stressful, the sex wasn't really always that good, and they kind of envy that I found my partner so fast. If you're just worried that you missed something, don't forget that it's not all passion and fun - you also missed fear, insecurity, boredom, yadda yadda yadda. If your husband is truly, truly okay with you experimenting with other men, go ahead, but go in with your eyes open. It's probably not going to "fix" anything, and the best way to go into nonmonogamy is as partners. Would he be up for a threesome with another man? Do you really want to have sex with other men, or do you just want the flirtation and making out and feeling vital and wanted? What is his comfort level with varioius things (intercourse vs. say, third base)? What is your comfort level with various things, when it comes right down to it in realilty? Opening up our relationship to other people has been one of the most rewarding experiences I've had, but it's also been one of the most stressful. Think pretty hard about the realities of things, as opposed to the fantasy that "other men" have become for you in your mind. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

07-23-2005, 09:07 PM	#42 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	I think the main thing we're learning in this thread is this: People need to be careful with the word "is". Eg: "Sex is a bond between two people." "There is always some level of uncertainty." "Open relationships are by definition flighty and lack clear structure." Substute "can be" for "is" (or "are") in any of those sentances and you've got a perfectly valid statement, something anyone could agree with. Unfortunately, as written they're merely jabs at a way of life the writer knows nothing about beyond their prejudices and iron-clad opinions.

08-12-2005, 08:51 PM	#49 (permalink)
Coll Storm Crazy Location: Boston	My advice on this subject is simple. 1: Don't do it. Explain to her why you're uncomfortable with the situation. Let her know that if she does it on her own... the marriage is over. Be firm about it; but remember also... it wasn't much of a problem when you wanted another women in the bedroom. That or at least you don't sound like you're complaining about it. You give some to get some. 2: I'll only say this once.... YOU HAVE CHILDREN!!!! If this situation gets out in any way and they're in the middle of it, may god have mercy on your soul! Those kids will not grow up well adjusted by the actions that you and your wife take now. Think about how they're going to feel if any of this is found out or if you get a divorce; because of it. 3: Last, but not least. Seek couples therapy! The both of you sound like there is a major trust issue going on and it seems that it's spinning out of control. If you don't do something now then you and your wife/children will be scarred for life, if they're not already.

08-15-2005, 06:23 PM	#51 (permalink)
innovis Crazy	Astrahl, what exactly do you desire from your husband that he does not give to you? Do you need lust and passion and experimentation? Why do you regret not having sex with anyone else? What would you have now, if you'd had sex, that you do not have? Knowledge that your husband may indeed suck or be passionless? By the way, have you recently had children or does he work a very stressful job? I'd recommend expending all options(counceling, sex therapy) BEFORE thinking about going outside the marriage, or even mentioning it. If you tell your husband you regret not having sex with anyone else, and may want to, do you think he'll want to have sex with you more?

08-16-2005, 06:50 AM	#55 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	I second what tec and that hot chick lurkette say: It's about COMMUNICATION first, foremost, and forever. The single best way to fuck up a relationship--poly, mono, marital, extramarital, committed, casual, and all various flavors of what-have-you--is to not communicate. Second best way is to assidously avoid self-knowledge. As someone who has done both, I recommend you learn from my mistakes.

08-17-2005, 09:41 AM	#56 (permalink)
kangaeru Crazy Location: on the road to where I want to be...	I agree with lurkette...the grass is definitely always greener. I was a virgin until about a year ago this month actually. Between now and then I've had sex with like...6 different people? And you know what I've found? It all kinda sucks...it's not the grand party it's made out to be. It's a lot of bullshit, pregnancy scares, STD worries in the back of your head... But it does suck to have that regret. Even if you find out it wasn't worth it...at least you lived it and you know. So I see where you're coming from. You always have an option you know...if you really want this out of your system, you can do something. Just decide how much it's worth to you, because you'll have to live with whatever the consequences are...and there will be consequences of some kind--nothing in life is free. __________________ Dont be afraid to change who you are for what you could become

08-22-2005, 11:23 AM	#57 (permalink)
twisted4play Upright	MY wife want to be with anouther man. Wasn't comfortable about it so I divorced her. Now I am the other man, have sex more often with her than her new husband does and the sex is kinkier and she is a lot wilder. Besides that I don't pay for all her new clothes and jewels now. Best of all I make it with other women when is want and know regrets. What ever happens for you I hope you keep it safe and enjoy life. Last edited by twisted4play; 08-22-2005 at 11:25 AM..

08-23-2005, 04:08 AM	#58 (permalink)
astrahl Insane Location: You don't want to live here	twisted, it sounds like you divorced your wife for something YOU are doing now... __________________ Maybe it was over when she chucked me out the Rover at full speed. Maybe Maybe... ~a-Ha

08-23-2005, 05:56 AM	#59 (permalink)
Carno Junkie	No, he is not doing what she wanted to do. If that were the case, they would still be married and he would be sleeping with other women. She wanted to have sex with a man she wasn't married to, and now she is, albeit the same man.

08-23-2005, 11:21 AM	#60 (permalink)
surfi3 Upright Location: Perth, Australia	If you aren't comfortable with it, don't do it. Like many others have said, you have kids and they really have to be taken into consideration before anything else happens. The last thing you want is to allow her to see the guy and then afterwards you have ill feelings towards the whole situation and things turn nasty. Last edited by surfi3; 08-23-2005 at 11:44 AM..

08-25-2005, 09:19 PM	#61 (permalink)
bothwaysfun Upright	Just say no..and explain The first thing to think about is what you already said, and most have repeated it to you...You don't feel comfortable with the idea. Entering into a sexual relationship is a big commitment. Comfort level and trust is ultimatly what you base a realtionship on. If your not ready, say so. Talk about it. Explain your perspective. Let her explain hers. Maybe once you do this, some comfort will come to you. maybe not. I know from experience that it is a huge step to move to separate playgrounds. My wife and I originally talked about a threesome, but I felt more comfortable with a foursome. We discussed each others fears and limits and then proceeded. It was a wonderful experience and that led to more comfort with each others desires and fantasies. We have progressed now, and she has had a couple of experieces on her own, which I enjoy hearing all about. This trust and understanding came with time and open discussion. You may never be open to it, and that's ok. If you are, always keep and open discussion on what is happening, you never know, you may get a real "kink" out of it!