Hooking up at weddings - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

StanT · 07-13-2005, 11:14 AM

It's Venus vs. Mars for Singles at Weddings

Quote:

This summer, hide your bridesmaids.

So warns the promo for this weekend's new movie, "Wedding Crashers" (search), which is about a couple of bachelors who show up at weddings uninvited to prey on lonely bridesmaids and especially desperate female guests.

The movie cashes in on two common stereotypes about weddings: that women hate attending nuptials alone, and that men, realizing how vulnerable weddings make single women feel, use the occasions to their advantage.

But how are true are these generalizations?

Very, according to experts.

"Women have so much trouble admitting they are single [that] they will bring anyone to a wedding," said dating consultant David Wygant (search). "They hate to answer this question at a wedding: ''Why is a nice girl like you still single?'

"So to avoid the embarrassment, they end up going with a guy they do not like and hoping to hook up with the hot out-of-town friend they met at the rehearsal dinner," Wygant added.

On the flip side, men aren't likely to bring a guest to a wedding unless they are very serious about someone, both out of fear of sending the wrong message to a starry-eyed date and also to make the most of the opportunity.

"As for the guys," Wygant explained, "we know how vulnerable woman get at a wedding, and why bring food to an all-you-can-eat buffet?"

Wygant even suggests a ready-made pick-up line: '"Hey, weddings make me realize how much I miss being in a relationship.' That gets them every time."

"Wedding Crashers," starring Owen Wilson (search) and Vince Vaughn (search), isn't the first movie to capitalize on the Mars/Venus divide at weddings.

"The Wedding Date," (search) which came out in February and starred Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney, focused on the other side of the equation.

Messing's character is so desperate to bring a date to her stepsister's wedding that she breaks into her 401(k) and uses the money to hire a dashingly handsome escort. Of course, they wind up falling in love.

But what about the traditional idea of finding true love at the reception?

"What I've found in this day and age is that it's not at all" a good place to meet someone, said Jonathon Satriale, a 33-year-old Boston resident. "The folks getting married have their primary goal, and it's not so much the fixing up of their friends or thinking about whether two people would be good together."

New York City resident Erika Freed, 26, often attends weddings with her best male friend, Al. That way, they both have the chance to meet someone else, but are also guaranteed a good time.

Even when Al is seeing someone else, he'll bring Freed as his no-strings-attached date.

"If ladies see you dancing with an attractive woman, your value goes up," said Al, who declined to give his last name, of this strategy. "If a woman comes up to you, in the first sentence or two you just say you're with your best friend."

Freed seconds that notion. But for an upcoming wedding — which her first love, Tom, plans to attend with his fiancée (the woman he dumped Freed for), nothing less than the perfect escort will do.

"First: I have to look amazing. I will be tan, fit, healthy," said Freed. "Number two: I don't want to look like a nutcase single girl. And three: my date has to be better than Tom."

"Al's not good enough for this one," she added, jokingly admitting that she is almost at the point where she would hire someone à la "The Wedding Date."

Still, there are exceptions to every rule, and some women actually prefer going to weddings alone even if they are in a relationship.

Halle Petro, 26, an aspiring actress and singer who lives in Brooklyn, N.Y., said she deliberately didn't invite her boyfriend (now ex) to a wedding because she had her eye on someone else who was going.

"I disinvited my boyfriend to a wedding because there was another guy at the wedding that I didn't want to know I had a boyfriend," she said.

While movies like "Wedding Crashers" suggest that men prefer to attend weddings stag — "for the easy prey," as Wygant put it — some men say it's not always a sure thing.

In fact, it's more often than not a total bust.

"I've gone with stag guys to weddings," said Satriale, an attractive single who is generally successful on the pick-up scene. "You basically end up sitting together and hanging out. I've never picked anyone up."

Even Al, with his timeworn strategy, admits weddings haven't delivered on their promise.

"The whole 'get some' aspect of a wedding has always eluded me," he said.

Still, there's no question that attending weddings as a single is far more loaded for women.

Dorothy Robinson, the editor of Metro New York's dating page, said in contrast to Wygant's buffet analogy, attending a wedding is like dangling a carrot at single-and-searching gals.

"The problem with going to a wedding alone, as I see it, is it's kinda like making someone who is suffering from severe malnutrition go to a Sizzler and not letting them eat," she said. "Weddings are a flashy, neon sign showing the single everything they don't have: love, companionship, trust, and the guarantee (with the consent of both parties, of course) that you are going to have a baby."

Some single women are so desperate for moral support at a wedding, they even invite female friends to go with them.

But most men would say they would never consider bringing a male date, other than a relative, to an "I Do" ceremony for fear that their sexual preference might be called into question.

"When going to a family wedding event, being old enough to be subject to numerous probing questions as to why you're not married, you must find a woman you can trust and is totally attractive," said Al, who's 41. "It gets people off your back and communicates that you're not gay."

According to James Bassil, the lifestyle editor at Askmen.com, it's the gulf between how men and women view commitment that movies like "Wedding Crashers" and "The Wedding Date" are playing into.

"I don't want to use the old cliché that men want to be the eternal bachelor, and women fear being the old maid, but weddings are so suggestive, you can't help but think about yourself, and women are more inclined to do so than men," said Bassil.

Blame that on the primordial single gal — Mother Nature.

"Weddings are still something [women] think about," said Robinson. "We can't help it. It's wired into our DNA!"

Ever pick up anyone at a wedding? Get picked up?

StanT · 07-13-2005, 11:16 AM

Though we'd known each other for years, I'd never really dated my wife before we hooked up at a wedding. Her best friend married one of my friends. I went home with the maid of honor. While I never thought of it as a tactic, it seemed to work pretty well.

Jinn · 07-13-2005, 11:23 AM

I personally haven't -- but let me be the first to say that if I'm getting married, my guests BETTER be getting some action... they're there to celebrate too!

Delvid · 07-13-2005, 12:24 PM

Met my wife at a friends wedding. My buddy brought her because his girlfriend was sick and she was her best friend. I did not know this at that moment - I thought it was his girlfriend. After many cocktails I told my bud that his girlfriend is drunk and hitting on me and ask permission to close the deal. He laughed and said it was not his girlfriend but her best friend. Deal was closed soon after. Good times then and now.

guthmund · 07-13-2005, 01:14 PM

I was picked up at my sister's first wedding by one of her bridesmaids.

We had a good time after the wedding and the 'deal was closed' as Delvid so eloquently put it, but we didn't date too seriously after that. She was just looking for someone to dance with and I was happy to oblige.

Cynthetiq · 07-13-2005, 01:40 PM

I went to over 8 weddings in one year as a single man placed at the singles table, and didn't once hook up with a single woman.

had a good time and got totally wasted, but didn't hook up at all, then again, I'm not that kind of guy.

Pragma · 07-13-2005, 03:57 PM

I was at a wedding earlier in the summer where three of the bridesmaids tried to hook up with me. Only the fact that I'm in a serious relationship stopped me, despite being seriously wasted at the time. I'm sure it would have been a lot of fun, but probably more trouble than it was worth, since some of the girls were very desperate (older than the bride).

MSD · 07-13-2005, 04:24 PM

At my age (21,) I've only been to family weddings, which puts me in the awkward situation of not knowing whether a hot girl I see is is actually related to me, and a 50/50 chance isn't worth the risk.

Kubz18 · 07-13-2005, 05:48 PM

well at my age(21) im starting to go to wedding that are from my college friends etc etc... and it hard there because if you hook up with someone you know you'll never hear the end of it and or you will see the girl and or her friends in some class you might end up in..... so my suggestion is to get really wasted off free beer/crown royal whatever and dont worry about shit that night maybe in the morning

Hardknock · 07-13-2005, 06:17 PM

First of al, I'd lke to know who these "experts" are that faux news keeps boasting about. I'm sure they're fair and balanced.

qweds · 07-13-2005, 06:27 PM

i've got a wedding to got to first weekend in august, i'll see what happens and let you al know

RusCrimson · 07-13-2005, 06:32 PM

I'm going to a wedding of a friend soon, and I'm hoping that things turn out well. Last time, it was the wedding of a family member, and things did not go so well.

Kubz18 · 07-13-2005, 06:41 PM

well if were on the topics of upcoming weddings

im going to a wedding of 2 friends who i have very strange connections with

the groom- best freind since 8th grade(like 7-8 years) but just last summer he slept with my then girlfriend

the bride- also know for several years, but when we(yes we, me and the bride) found out that he slept with my girl/ex, we started dating, hooking up whatever you wanna call it the next week, and hes never found out

Problem is that i slept with her while she was engaged(yes i know im a shitty friend but, hey he told her that "i'll never cheat on you crap"..anyway) BUT now but this will be an awkward situation when i go to the wedding in 2 weeks

maybe i'll just try to hook up with the brides sister and avoid all problems

hunnychile · 07-13-2005, 07:07 PM

Several friends got lucky at my wedding (years ago) and two couples got married and are still happy with lovely kids now ready for college! Kinda cool IMO!

Redlemon · 07-14-2005, 06:15 AM

A guy I used to sing with had a wedding, and his best man hooked up with his (the groom's) sister that night. A short time later, he (the groom) was best man at their wedding.

(not a shotgun wedding, everyone was happy about it)

maleficent · 07-14-2005, 06:20 AM

maybe I need to break my long standing rule of never going to weddings... hmmmm...

Daniel_ · 07-14-2005, 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redlemon

A guy I used to sing with had a wedding, and his best man hooked up with his sister that night. A short time later, he was best man at their wedding.

(not a shotgun wedding, everyone was happy about it)

Had to read that twice to realise that he "hooked up with his sister" were two different uses of "he"....

Redlemon · 07-14-2005, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel_

Had to read that twice to realise that he "hooked up with his sister" were two different uses of "he"....

Fixed, thanks. That was hard to read.

PoweredByPorn · 07-14-2005, 10:10 AM

I can count the number of weddings I've been to on one hand, all of which were with family, so ditto on the "could be related" concern. However: my best friend is getting married (with me as the best man) next year. I'll have to come back to this if I'm still single at that time.

Pragma · 07-14-2005, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

maybe I need to break my long standing rule of never going to weddings... hmmmm...

Yea, I had sworn up and down that I'd never attend a wedding and while I don't consider myself much of a ladies' man, the single women at the wedding (and especially the bridesmaids) were quite desperate for male attention. It goes the other way as well though, most of the guys at the wedding were looking for a woman to talk to and hang out with.

balinksi · 09-01-2005, 09:46 AM

I have hooked up at two weddings. The second time I hooked up was the best. It was my brothers wedding and I was the best man. Of course at the time I was single. The maid of honor and one of the bridesmaids were single also and both were very hot. I met them both at the begining of the rehearsal dinner and sat back and watched them both compete for my attention. After wedding we had an after party and well to make a long story short I screwed them both that night. First the maid of honor who asked me to unzipped the back of her dress while we were getting changed, one thing led to another and bam. Then the bridesmaid pulled the same type move. Same thing one thing let to another and bam. I then went back to my room after and they both showed up at my door and they were pissed. I played the drunk guy routine and before I knew it I was banging them both at the same time. A time I will never forget. Never saw either of them after that night

Charlatan · 09-01-2005, 09:49 AM

I'm going to a wedding this weekend... I'd better not hook up with anyone other than my wife, or she'll kill (moments before the rest of her family stomps my corpse).

ShaniFaye · 09-01-2005, 10:24 AM

Im going to a wedding in october....I expect to hook up with the really hot groom

livewirerc · 09-04-2005, 03:03 PM

A couple people hooked up at our wedding, and I later found out that there was a porn shoot in one of the bathrooms during the wedding when I recognized the wallpaper in a few pictures on the internet.

Mr_Tickles · 09-04-2005, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by livewirerc

A couple people hooked up at our wedding, and I later found out that there was a porn shoot in one of the bathrooms during the wedding when I recognized the wallpaper in a few pictures on the internet.

how come i neverf get invited to weddings like that?

arch13 · 09-04-2005, 06:43 PM

Today's bullshit line that has no grounding in reality but helps to enforce social streotypes:

Quote:

"Weddings are still something [women] think about," said Robinson. "We can't help it. It's wired into our DNA!"

This is everything that is wrong with the wedding "culture" that our country seems to foster at times.
It needs to be tossed in a pile with
"A wedding day is a womans special day"
"A wedding makes a girl feel like a princess"
as the bullshit it is.

Talk about streotypes that degrade us as a culture.

Francis · 09-06-2005, 07:55 AM

i was best man in a wedding years ago that was a hoot. the girlfriend of another guy in the wedding party took off with the photographer. saw the pics he took of the wedding and most were of the girl he took off with. it was a real trip.

07-13-2005, 11:23 AM	#3 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	I personally haven't -- but let me be the first to say that if I'm getting married, my guests BETTER be getting some action... they're there to celebrate too! __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

07-13-2005, 01:14 PM	#5 (permalink)
guthmund big damn hero	I was picked up at my sister's first wedding by one of her bridesmaids. We had a good time after the wedding and the 'deal was closed' as Delvid so eloquently put it, but we didn't date too seriously after that. She was just looking for someone to dance with and I was happy to oblige. __________________ No signature. None. Seriously.

07-13-2005, 01:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	I went to over 8 weddings in one year as a single man placed at the singles table, and didn't once hook up with a single woman. had a good time and got totally wasted, but didn't hook up at all, then again, I'm not that kind of guy. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

07-13-2005, 05:48 PM	#9 (permalink)
Kubz18 Crazy Location: Austin....Austin, Massachusetts	well at my age(21) im starting to go to wedding that are from my college friends etc etc... and it hard there because if you hook up with someone you know you'll never hear the end of it and or you will see the girl and or her friends in some class you might end up in..... so my suggestion is to get really wasted off free beer/crown royal whatever and dont worry about shit that night maybe in the morning __________________ "I have no idea whats going on"

07-13-2005, 06:27 PM	#11 (permalink)
qweds has been Location: Chicago	i've got a wedding to got to first weekend in august, i'll see what happens and let you al know __________________ tim(mah)

07-13-2005, 11:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
StanT © Location: Colorado	Though we'd known each other for years, I'd never really dated my wife before we hooked up at a wedding. Her best friend married one of my friends. I went home with the maid of honor. While I never thought of it as a tactic, it seemed to work pretty well.

07-13-2005, 12:24 PM	#4 (permalink)
Delvid Insane Location: Missouri	Met my wife at a friends wedding. My buddy brought her because his girlfriend was sick and she was her best friend. I did not know this at that moment - I thought it was his girlfriend. After many cocktails I told my bud that his girlfriend is drunk and hitting on me and ask permission to close the deal. He laughed and said it was not his girlfriend but her best friend. Deal was closed soon after. Good times then and now.

07-13-2005, 03:57 PM	#7 (permalink)
Pragma I am Winter Born Location: Alexandria, VA	I was at a wedding earlier in the summer where three of the bridesmaids tried to hook up with me. Only the fact that I'm in a serious relationship stopped me, despite being seriously wasted at the time. I'm sure it would have been a lot of fun, but probably more trouble than it was worth, since some of the girls were very desperate (older than the bride).

07-13-2005, 04:24 PM	#8 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	At my age (21,) I've only been to family weddings, which puts me in the awkward situation of not knowing whether a hot girl I see is is actually related to me, and a 50/50 chance isn't worth the risk.

07-13-2005, 06:17 PM	#10 (permalink)
Hardknock Republican slayer Location: WA	First of al, I'd lke to know who these "experts" are that faux news keeps boasting about. I'm sure they're fair and balanced.

07-13-2005, 06:32 PM	#12 (permalink)
RusCrimson Tilted Location: Massachusetts	I'm going to a wedding of a friend soon, and I'm hoping that things turn out well. Last time, it was the wedding of a family member, and things did not go so well.

07-13-2005, 06:41 PM	#13 (permalink)
Kubz18 Crazy Location: Austin....Austin, Massachusetts	well if were on the topics of upcoming weddings im going to a wedding of 2 friends who i have very strange connections with the groom- best freind since 8th grade(like 7-8 years) but just last summer he slept with my then girlfriend the bride- also know for several years, but when we(yes we, me and the bride) found out that he slept with my girl/ex, we started dating, hooking up whatever you wanna call it the next week, and hes never found out Problem is that i slept with her while she was engaged(yes i know im a shitty friend but, hey he told her that "i'll never cheat on you crap"..anyway) BUT now but this will be an awkward situation when i go to the wedding in 2 weeks maybe i'll just try to hook up with the brides sister and avoid all problems __________________ "I have no idea whats going on"

07-13-2005, 07:07 PM	#14 (permalink)
hunnychile Alien Anthropologist Location: Between Boredom and Nirvana	Several friends got lucky at my wedding (years ago) and two couples got married and are still happy with lovely kids now ready for college! Kinda cool IMO! __________________ "I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

07-14-2005, 06:15 AM	#15 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	A guy I used to sing with had a wedding, and his best man hooked up with his (the groom's) sister that night. A short time later, he (the groom) was best man at their wedding. (not a shotgun wedding, everyone was happy about it) __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry. Last edited by Redlemon; 07-14-2005 at 06:54 AM.. Reason: to remove any confusion regarding incest

07-14-2005, 06:20 AM	#16 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	maybe I need to break my long standing rule of never going to weddings... hmmmm... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

07-14-2005, 10:10 AM	#19 (permalink)
PoweredByPorn "...a face I could bear to look at in the mirror." Location: Virginia Beach, VA	I can count the number of weddings I've been to on one hand, all of which were with family, so ditto on the "could be related" concern. However: my best friend is getting married (with me as the best man) next year. I'll have to come back to this if I'm still single at that time. __________________ Do you want me to sit in a corner and rust of just fall apart where I'm standing?

09-01-2005, 09:46 AM	#21 (permalink)
balinksi Upright	I have hooked up at two weddings. The second time I hooked up was the best. It was my brothers wedding and I was the best man. Of course at the time I was single. The maid of honor and one of the bridesmaids were single also and both were very hot. I met them both at the begining of the rehearsal dinner and sat back and watched them both compete for my attention. After wedding we had an after party and well to make a long story short I screwed them both that night. First the maid of honor who asked me to unzipped the back of her dress while we were getting changed, one thing led to another and bam. Then the bridesmaid pulled the same type move. Same thing one thing let to another and bam. I then went back to my room after and they both showed up at my door and they were pissed. I played the drunk guy routine and before I knew it I was banging them both at the same time. A time I will never forget. Never saw either of them after that night

09-01-2005, 09:49 AM	#22 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	I'm going to a wedding this weekend... I'd better not hook up with anyone other than my wife, or she'll kill (moments before the rest of her family stomps my corpse). __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

09-01-2005, 10:24 AM	#23 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Im going to a wedding in october....I expect to hook up with the really hot groom __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

09-04-2005, 03:03 PM	#24 (permalink)
livewirerc Insane Location: Austin, TX	A couple people hooked up at our wedding, and I later found out that there was a porn shoot in one of the bathrooms during the wedding when I recognized the wallpaper in a few pictures on the internet.

09-06-2005, 07:55 AM	#27 (permalink)
Francis Tilted	i was best man in a wedding years ago that was a hoot. the girlfriend of another guy in the wedding party took off with the photographer. saw the pics he took of the wedding and most were of the girl he took off with. it was a real trip.