so....it's been a while.... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

monstermash · 07-05-2005, 02:39 PM

i'm a relatively young guy (28) and i've been divorced for about 2 years. that's how long it's been since i've had any sort of intimate/physical contact as well.

i'm not ready for a relationship right now. i know that for sure.

however, i really, really miss physical contact with women. of course, i miss the actual sex, but i really miss the foreplay, cuddling, and everything else leading up to sex. i've been to a strip club once with some friends, in the last 2 years. instead of just mashing the girl's boobs around, i enjoyed the closeness of her most. running my hands up and down her back and through her hair felt amazing. of course, her boobies were nice

, but her "closeness" was something that turned me on more.

has anyone been in the same situation? am i SOL until i find a relationship?

ruggerp11 · 07-05-2005, 04:57 PM

well it depends. the short answer is yes, you may be sol. The long answer involves random women, whom you may pay for. Its a natural thing to want to be close to a woman, to want her touch more than you may want to get off sexually with her. Everyone I know likes affection in one way or another. Its natural, its ego boosting, and its comforting.

Just remember that the harder you chase it the more elusive it becomes.

kramus · 07-05-2005, 05:33 PM

I've been separated since last fall - the horny thing is there - sometimes urgent and sometimes so far into the background I am quite unaware of it. I do find that quite often though I wish I was just sitting hip to hip with a lady, or walking down the street holding hands. This more often, actually, then the Rawr feelings. Would that be a function of middle age? I don't think that would be entirely correct. Simple contact with a lady I find attractive is the number 1 thing I miss.

maleficent · 07-05-2005, 05:36 PM

I'm female but from a similar perspective.. It's been three years and counting (and not looking good this year either) since my last relationship-esque thing.. I don't miss being someone's girlfriend... I never quite liked being chattel, or having to take someone else's schedule into consideration when I want to do something (yes, I am selfish)

What I do miss, is intimacy, and while it' sbeen three years for sex too, sex and intimacy are two different things... I miss talking to someone til dawn... or just having my hair played with because it was there... or rubbing someone's shoulders because my hands needed something to do... I miss the closeness to someone... I'd agree with Kramus, it's the simple contact that I miss...

monstermash · 07-05-2005, 06:38 PM

yeah, the above mentioned is pretty much what i mean. now is there any way you guys/gals satiate those desires/feelings without the commitment of a relationship?

maleficent · 07-05-2005, 06:38 PM

don't i wish...

snowy · 07-05-2005, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monstermash

yeah, the above mentioned is pretty much what i mean. now is there any way you guys/gals satiate those desires/feelings without the commitment of a relationship?

Find a good friend who's willing to fill those needs without any of the weirdness. Hopefully you do have female friends, but if you don't now is a good time to make some

kramus · 07-05-2005, 07:54 PM

not yet bud - and maybe not for a while longer either

Being in limbo land sucks.

Axiom_e · 07-06-2005, 04:36 AM

My friends and I were discussing relationships and we came to the same conclusions. While sex is great and I would like to have it all the time it is the non-sexual intimate intamacy that I miss the most.

It appears however that society has created a lot of barriers to touching someone and it no going to sexual touch. I am currently exploring a way to achieve touch without it being sexual. I will report back if I have any findings.

Daniel_ · 07-06-2005, 05:42 AM

Co-ed wrestling?

Seriously, you can't date them if you didn't meet them. And you won't be a more attractive a prospect as a sit-at-home net-head than you would if you have a fit body and interesting hobbies.

Take up a sport - something low impact like Fencing is cool, or a mixed sport like badminton or bowling (european or 10 pin) you get to meet women, you get to chat and be friends, and if things work out you never know how things might develop.

Ambient1 · 07-06-2005, 06:28 AM

I can't believe how true this is...

I've been single for 1 year, 7 months, 1 day....

In the first few months, I was just plain horny. But after time went on, I became the same way.

Sometime within the first year, I found myself at a strip club too... I paid for a lap dance, but just ended up talking to the girl and giving her a 30 minute back massage while she was sitting in my lap.

One of my strangest strip club experiences ever.

It's amazing how much I get out of a simple hug or snuggling on the couch watching tv now.... all the things that drove me nuts when I was in a relationship.

And it's true what they say about being desparate for attention - it drives any interest in the other party away.

tooth · 07-06-2005, 07:15 AM

Maybe you're not ready for a relationship, but what about casual dating? Does anyone do that anymore? See people, go on dates, without being "boyfriend and girlfriend"?

monstermash · 07-06-2005, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel_

Co-ed wrestling?

Seriously, you can't date them if you didn't meet them. And you won't be a more attractive a prospect as a sit-at-home net-head than you would if you have a fit body and interesting hobbies.

Take up a sport - something low impact like Fencing is cool, or a mixed sport like badminton or bowling (european or 10 pin) you get to meet women, you get to chat and be friends, and if things work out you never know how things might develop.

i'm not a sit-at-home nethead :P i play basketball, volleyball, and workout. perhaps, thinking that i'm "not ready" is just a front and i'm just scared.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooth

Maybe you're not ready for a relationship, but what about casual dating? Does anyone do that anymore? See people, go on dates, without being "boyfriend and girlfriend"?

dating is pretty intimidating to me right now. my last relationship was my marriage and she was my girlfriend before that. maybe there isn't a "quick-fix" to sharing physical contact and intimacy.

monstermash · 07-06-2005, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ambient1

Sometime within the first year, I found myself at a strip club too... I paid for a lap dance, but just ended up talking to the girl and giving her a 30 minute back massage while she was sitting in my lap.

One of my strangest strip club experiences ever.

funny, it was the same with me. i was rubbing her back, legs, and thighs. my face wasn't buried in her cleavage, but we were cheek to cheek, nuzzling most of the time. she said enjoyed the dance as much as i did and we ended up talking for a good while. at the end of the night, it wasn't her looks, boobs, or nakedness that was so exciting. it was sharing the physical intimacy that was nice. maybe i just need to stock up on the $20's to satisfy those needs without commitments :P

Minx · 07-06-2005, 12:43 PM

Isn't it funny (in a "not-so-funny" way) that we all crave sex, yet ultimately it is the companionship that we miss the most.

At least, that is true with me. I miss (heart-wrenchingly) the man that used to make me purr like a kitten for I miss the sex every single bloody day. But eventually (unfortunately) you get used to that. Now I find that as much as I crave the sexual end of it, I miss much more having someone to talk to. Sex is easy to find and/or get - the hard part is finding someone who you also actually want to wake up with.

07-05-2005, 02:39 PM	#1 (permalink)
monstermash Upright	so....it's been a while.... i'm a relatively young guy (28) and i've been divorced for about 2 years. that's how long it's been since i've had any sort of intimate/physical contact as well. i'm not ready for a relationship right now. i know that for sure. however, i really, really miss physical contact with women. of course, i miss the actual sex, but i really miss the foreplay, cuddling, and everything else leading up to sex. i've been to a strip club once with some friends, in the last 2 years. instead of just mashing the girl's boobs around, i enjoyed the closeness of her most. running my hands up and down her back and through her hair felt amazing. of course, her boobies were nice , but her "closeness" was something that turned me on more. has anyone been in the same situation? am i SOL until i find a relationship?

07-05-2005, 04:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
ruggerp11 Cautiously soaring Location: exploring my new home in SF	well it depends. the short answer is yes, you may be sol. The long answer involves random women, whom you may pay for. Its a natural thing to want to be close to a woman, to want her touch more than you may want to get off sexually with her. Everyone I know likes affection in one way or another. Its natural, its ego boosting, and its comforting. Just remember that the harder you chase it the more elusive it becomes. __________________ Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it. --Mark Twain Do What makes you happy --Me BUT! "Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

07-05-2005, 05:33 PM	#3 (permalink)
kramus loving the curves Location: my Lady's manor	I've been separated since last fall - the horny thing is there - sometimes urgent and sometimes so far into the background I am quite unaware of it. I do find that quite often though I wish I was just sitting hip to hip with a lady, or walking down the street holding hands. This more often, actually, then the Rawr feelings. Would that be a function of middle age? I don't think that would be entirely correct. Simple contact with a lady I find attractive is the number 1 thing I miss. __________________ And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ... I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

07-05-2005, 05:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	I'm female but from a similar perspective.. It's been three years and counting (and not looking good this year either) since my last relationship-esque thing.. I don't miss being someone's girlfriend... I never quite liked being chattel, or having to take someone else's schedule into consideration when I want to do something (yes, I am selfish) What I do miss, is intimacy, and while it' sbeen three years for sex too, sex and intimacy are two different things... I miss talking to someone til dawn... or just having my hair played with because it was there... or rubbing someone's shoulders because my hands needed something to do... I miss the closeness to someone... I'd agree with Kramus, it's the simple contact that I miss... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

07-05-2005, 06:38 PM	#6 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	don't i wish... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

07-05-2005, 06:38 PM	#5 (permalink)
monstermash Upright	yeah, the above mentioned is pretty much what i mean. now is there any way you guys/gals satiate those desires/feelings without the commitment of a relationship?

07-05-2005, 07:54 PM	#8 (permalink)
kramus loving the curves Location: my Lady's manor	not yet bud - and maybe not for a while longer either Being in limbo land sucks. __________________ And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ... I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

07-06-2005, 04:36 AM	#9 (permalink)
Axiom_e Tilted Location: United States, East Coast, New Jersey	My friends and I were discussing relationships and we came to the same conclusions. While sex is great and I would like to have it all the time it is the non-sexual intimate intamacy that I miss the most. It appears however that society has created a lot of barriers to touching someone and it no going to sexual touch. I am currently exploring a way to achieve touch without it being sexual. I will report back if I have any findings. __________________ Life is meaningless. How awesome is that? Rock On! Now I can do whatever the hell I want and give my own life meaning to myself.

07-06-2005, 05:42 AM	#10 (permalink)
Daniel_ Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It! Location: Southern England	Co-ed wrestling? Seriously, you can't date them if you didn't meet them. And you won't be a more attractive a prospect as a sit-at-home net-head than you would if you have a fit body and interesting hobbies. Take up a sport - something low impact like Fencing is cool, or a mixed sport like badminton or bowling (european or 10 pin) you get to meet women, you get to chat and be friends, and if things work out you never know how things might develop. __________________ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗ Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

07-06-2005, 06:28 AM	#11 (permalink)
Ambient1 Tilted Location: The Hammer	I can't believe how true this is... I've been single for 1 year, 7 months, 1 day.... In the first few months, I was just plain horny. But after time went on, I became the same way. Sometime within the first year, I found myself at a strip club too... I paid for a lap dance, but just ended up talking to the girl and giving her a 30 minute back massage while she was sitting in my lap. One of my strangest strip club experiences ever. It's amazing how much I get out of a simple hug or snuggling on the couch watching tv now.... all the things that drove me nuts when I was in a relationship. And it's true what they say about being desparate for attention - it drives any interest in the other party away.

07-06-2005, 07:15 AM	#12 (permalink)
tooth Addict	Maybe you're not ready for a relationship, but what about casual dating? Does anyone do that anymore? See people, go on dates, without being "boyfriend and girlfriend"?

07-06-2005, 12:43 PM	#15 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Isn't it funny (in a "not-so-funny" way) that we all crave sex, yet ultimately it is the companionship that we miss the most. At least, that is true with me. I miss (heart-wrenchingly) the man that used to make me purr like a kitten for I miss the sex every single bloody day. But eventually (unfortunately) you get used to that. Now I find that as much as I crave the sexual end of it, I miss much more having someone to talk to. Sex is easy to find and/or get - the hard part is finding someone who you also actually want to wake up with. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!