Really long distance relationship--to do it or not? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

sailor · 06-18-2005, 10:35 AM

Here's the situation--I am moving to Germany for a year at the end of August. I've been dating this girl since the beginning of February. I love her, she loves me. I'm trying to decide whether I want to try a long distance relationship while I'm gone, knowing full well that I'll be lucky if I see her twice in that year period.

I realize this is a decision that I have to make for myself, I'm just looking for some input. Part of me thinks its a bad idea to try it--a year is a long time, and I don't want to be tied down. Another part of me realizes she's a great girl and I might be stupid to let her go.

Any thoughts? I've really been thinking this one over a lot recently, and haven't really gotten anywhere with it.

MEAD · 06-18-2005, 11:00 AM

Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon't do it! Jesus Christ Almighty I'm trying to save your life here DON'T, MY God, Dont. It was possibly one of the worst experiences in my entire life.

amonkie · 06-18-2005, 11:08 AM

Mead, I can understand your feeling - but if you could explain WHY you recommend not to do it or share some of your experience, that information might be helpful to sailor in making his decision...

todd · 06-18-2005, 11:11 AM

I've never been involved in a long distance seperation like this, so I can't really speak from first hand experience.

But if it was me and I was going to have to go away, I'd definitly at least give it a chance. I mean whats the worst that could happen? If it doesn't work out, then you can end it. You have nothing to lose.
But if you end it now before you even give it a chance, theres no turning back. It's finished, and the chances of getting back together aftwards are a lot slimmer I'd think. If it was me and I let her go, i'd regret it at the end of the year.

Also if you do end it now, how is that going to make things better? Just because you end the relationship's title doesn't mean you won't miss her and what not, right?

Or are you planning on finding somebody else while you're there? Won't you have this same delima to go through when the year is over though?

amonkie · 06-18-2005, 11:12 AM

My thoughts for you sailor -

Long distance relationships have a different flavor than those where you can see the person every day. What is your relationship like right now? Do you both have your individual interests that you enjoy, or do you spend all your time together 24/7? Neither in itself is neccessary a bad thing, but it may change the dynamic of your relationship. Not seeing someone is extremely difficult, but you can use it as a learning experience to explore other facets of your relationship. It make take some adjusting to be able to hit the clock at the same time - even just a time difference of three hours is lots of fun to deal with, I've found.

MEAD · 06-18-2005, 11:18 AM

Here's my explaination, the whole thing really brought me down, I was in love and the best times apart were always bittersweet at best. It kept me from having a good time where I was, and did all the same things to her. And in the end the realtionship failed. When someone who you love tells you they just were not happy with you its one of the most heartbreaking things you can hear.

eMOTIONal20 · 06-18-2005, 12:02 PM

I think long distance relationships are alwasy really iffy. It usually depends on how much each person is willing to do it and actually try at making things work. I'm in agreement with amonkie, if you see eachother a lot (like every day) then it may be really difficult to be so far away from one another.

I honestly don't recommend long distance relationships. I have yet to see one work out. You could still keep in touch with her and maybe agree to just date other people while you're away from one another, and then see how everything goes when you move back. This however, opens up the possibility of her or you falling for someone else. So if that's the decision, then be prepared.

I hope you make the right decision for you and your SO. It's such a difficult one... good luck.

nack104 · 06-18-2005, 12:22 PM

The duration of a long distance relationship depends on the two people's lifestyles. However, in my opinion, they rarely last. I was in a long distance relationship last year, and it made me very depressed when I couldn't see her. This depression spread to the other person, and it ended up ruining the relationship and friendship all together. I'm sorry, but from what I've seen, they aren't worth the grief.

Ustwo · 06-18-2005, 12:24 PM

While I was only 300 miles away, my relationship with my wife (then gf) was 'long distance' for about 4 years.

If you have a strong relationship and do love each other it can work. Communication is easy these days with computers, the only issue is how much you are slaves to you gonads.

MEAD · 06-18-2005, 01:42 PM

Please dont go into this, man. I'm begging you. Germany, man! Hours of time difference, ridiculous phone bills, it may seem like nothing now but it wears you down. Just let it go, if it was supposed to work out it will anyway, there's no need for the self torture.

tiltedbc · 06-18-2005, 03:13 PM

I went through a long-distance relationship and wouldn't recommend it unless you plan on getting married. We always had a good relationship but it's tough to put your life on hold and grow in a different direction than the person you're in love with.

I agree with Mead. It wears you down. I could write a rundown of how this senario plays out but it'd be a long letter. Go find a nice German girl and enjoy yourself. If it's true love with this girl back home, you can re-connect when you get back.

Sage · 06-18-2005, 05:16 PM

I agree that you're going to be on the other side of the globe for a year, and it seems like you're pretty young to boot- who knows how much growing you will do in that year? I've always heard people talk about how much their time abroad changed them as a person, and you might find that you're growing away from this girl while you're there. Plus, if you only see her twice in a year, there won't be any chance for the relationship to grow (yeah, you can talk online but it really, truly isn't the same)

If I were you, I'd tell this girl how you feel about her, and ask her what her take on the whole situation is. Tell her you feel for her, but don't know what the next year in another country will bring. If you both feel like you'd be up for trying it, then go for it, but do it with the understanding that you BOTH will be open and honest with each other. What happens if you meet the woman of your dreams in Germany? What happens if this chick meets the man of her dreams while you're away? I say, tell this girl you like her, then go to Germany and let life take its course. If you go away always thinking of what you left behind, then you'll never let yourself truly enjoy your year in a different place.

Always be open to the possibility of personal growth!

JustDoll · 06-18-2005, 05:39 PM

I think its worse thing to have another half on the other side of the planet..
I've had an oversea's relationship, and it lasted a month not even, and we just couldn't take it.....i guess it takes alot of ..trust and..all...:/ it won't work when trust isn't there...
Rite now my bf is AGAIn on the other side of the planet, haven't seen him for a month now...and i have 3 more weeks to wait before i seee him ...but im really excited about it...

Anyways, to me in a relationship, seeing each other too often isn't good.. the 24/7 thing sometimes makes you forget to cherish those around you, on the other hand, not seeing each other for too too long may make the relationship seem to drag, and by the time you end up coming together again, things may have changed and it mite not worth it all in the end...
It all depends how much you want to give into this relationship i guesss

and TRUST is the key here...

sailor · 06-18-2005, 06:20 PM

Well, phone costs and such arent really a concern, thanks to the wonders of internet telephony--gotta love Skype

As for the way our relationship is currently, it's somewhat of a long distance relationship now. We go to school together, and since school ended back in early May, we've been about an hour and a half apart. I see her about once every two weeks at the moment.

Thanks for the comments, they're helping a lot. Please keep them coming.

ophelia783 · 06-18-2005, 08:01 PM

Just for my knowledge so I can better help to answer this, how long have you two been together? How old are you both? What kind of relationship do you have now?

I feel like everyone's just giving their opinion without having most of the facts; seeing how I'm in a LD relationship, I'd like to help you out.

sailor · 06-19-2005, 05:26 AM

We've been together since early February, so about four and a half months now. We're both 20. The relationship now is a little bit long distance--like I said, we're about an hour and a half from each other now that class is out. We talk pretty much every evening.

iamabanana · 06-19-2005, 07:15 AM

I met someone in Chicago and he was from Australia. Even though I knew he'd be going back to AU we still ended up really connecting and dating one another. We had actually met online 3 years prior, but he was too young for it to be anything more than a platonic relationship (15 and I was 18). He eventually went back and our long distance relationship lasted 2 years until he was able to obtain a permanent VISA (yes, it really takes that long when you're doing it LEGALLY).

I'll admit, it was rough. Being, literally, an OCEAN away from someone and only having online and phone contacts does suck. But, if you're a strong person you can handle it emotionally. I'll also admit that I was starting to cave-in emotionally. Between school, work, and our relationship I was having a rough time. Then he finally got his visa.

He was 18 and I was 21 when we started dating. We're now 22 and 25 (soon to be 23 and 26). We're also married and very happy. It was well worth the wait.

ophelia783 · 06-19-2005, 08:15 AM

sailor,
I honestly think it depends on how deep your relationship is on an emotional and mental level. I'm not asking if you're in love, but how good is your friendship?

I'm in a long-distance relationship (800-and some miles) with majik_6. We met online (on a body modification website), and we're strictly friends for like 8 months...actually, we barely spoke, but had a mutual friend. We were both dating other people, and then I went away to sleepaway camp. Then, in July, my ex-bf died in a car accident. After I posted that, he started texting my cell, and sent me a letter.

When I came home, we started talking on the phone, pretty much for anywhere between 4 and 10 hours a day, every day. We became really great friends, and then in December, I broke up with my bf at the time. Majik invited me down for New Year's, and everything changed. In February, he proposed. Today, we've been engaged for 4 months, and everything's great.

Keep in mind, he lives in West Virginia, and I live in Quebec, so we have to deal with a lot of the issues that you'd be dealing with.

My advice to you is this: why not try it?
If it fails, you won't have her in your life, but if you don't, you won't have her anyway.
Yes, a year is a long time; yes, you're both young (then again, so are we), but think of it this way: if you can last through this, you're a strong couple who can make it through anything. If the only reason why you'd want to end it is to be able to "sow your wild oats", then you're not in it for the long haul anyway.
If that was truly the case, though, you wouldn't be asking what you should do.

If you need anything, or want to talk some more, feel free to PM or e-mail me.

hunnychile · 06-19-2005, 08:25 AM

Try it.
You said you'd only be gone for a year and if she's the one - you need to remain open minded. Nothing can stop real love....we hope! And Hopefully you won't make your final decision based upon our input

Good luck man! Keep us informed, 'K? BTW...what does she say about this?

Ustwo · 06-19-2005, 08:26 AM

I think that people have nailed down the real issue here.

If you think she might be/is 'the one' you will marry then its worth holding onto despite the distance.

If you can't see yourself being married to her, don't bother as its a lot of work to just maintain a temp relationship.

ruggerp11 · 06-20-2005, 05:56 AM

Heres my thing. I have a very long distance relationship going right now (not as bad as you, but still 1200 miles and a 20 hour car ride). I couldn't help myself. The key to this I believe is honesty and openess. If you think that you guys can be open and honest about things then go ahead, and make it work. They key here is also to realize that she and you shoudl be going out on the town and enjoying life without each other. My gf and I talk A LOT but still go out and have a good time with friends. I trust her and she trusts me. If you can do that, it will be hard but managable. IMO of course

Mugzy6 · 06-20-2005, 12:50 PM

It depends on how committed you think you can be. If you think you can do it, then go for it. You have to love the person enough to stand being apart from them for long stretches and be satisfied with just a short time together. It's really tough, that's the reality. Few can do it.

StarCrossed · 06-20-2005, 01:56 PM

If you are thinking about missing out on opportunities, then dont do it. But then again if you broke it off, and years later, you could realize shes was a missed opportunity, so i guess you never know. Do what your heart tells you.

Frosstbyte · 06-20-2005, 11:11 PM

Just be very careful and understand what a difficult position you're putting yourself in. Long distance relationships are NOT FUN. They suck horrible horrible ass. Talking with someone over the phone or on AIM or through e-mails is nowhere in the same vacinity as having your girl pillowing her head on your shoulder while you watch a movie or eating dinner with her or anything like that.

One of my ex's who is otherwise a wonderful girl that I really missed the boat on by not getting in a relationship with her earlier turned into a complete bitch because of the distance thing. When I stayed with her grandparents over Thanksgiving one year, her own grandmother called her out on how bitchy she was being to me. And this is really one of the sweetest girls I've ever met. I've never heard anyone anywhere ever call her out like that, not even people who don't particularly like her. It can and does wear you down. When you're going long distance and then see the other person, the emotions (and hormones) kind of go crazy and can make the experience much less fun than it really ought to be. As someone else noted, you can also change a lot, so be aware that you and she might not be the same, which can make the transition difficult, if not impossible.

If you're convinced that this girl is worth a lot of, "God damn that girl is hot and wants me and I'm horny as hell but I'm with [current g/f] and want to be with her, period" or "I'm really tired of not being able to see her, but it's important to me that we're still together when I do see her" etc. etc., then go for it, but if there's any shred of doubt, you're better off letting it go and seeing what happens when you get back.

sailor · 06-21-2005, 03:11 AM

Thanks so much for the advice, guys. Some great points in here. I'll keep thinking it over for a while.

Feel free to post more comments, anyone, I'd love to hear them.

Church · 06-21-2005, 08:53 AM

Yeah, I was in a long distance relationship for a while. To be honest, the distance tore us apart. I tried my best, but not being able to get a hold of her a lot, and plus the fact that we started out in a long-distance relationship without having a basis of trust made it worse.

All in all, it did not end pretty and I really have no faith in long-distance relationships unless its only temporary.

06-18-2005, 10:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
sailor beauty in the breakdown Location: Chapel Hill, NC	Really long distance relationship--to do it or not? Here's the situation--I am moving to Germany for a year at the end of August. I've been dating this girl since the beginning of February. I love her, she loves me. I'm trying to decide whether I want to try a long distance relationship while I'm gone, knowing full well that I'll be lucky if I see her twice in that year period. I realize this is a decision that I have to make for myself, I'm just looking for some input. Part of me thinks its a bad idea to try it--a year is a long time, and I don't want to be tied down. Another part of me realizes she's a great girl and I might be stupid to let her go. Any thoughts? I've really been thinking this one over a lot recently, and haven't really gotten anywhere with it. __________________ "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." --Plato

06-18-2005, 11:00 AM	#2 (permalink)
MEAD Insane Location: South Florida	Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon't do it! Jesus Christ Almighty I'm trying to save your life here DON'T, MY God, Dont. It was possibly one of the worst experiences in my entire life. __________________ Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die. "That's it, send out the ninjas!" "So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

06-18-2005, 11:08 AM	#3 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	Mead, I can understand your feeling - but if you could explain WHY you recommend not to do it or share some of your experience, that information might be helpful to sailor in making his decision... __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna Last edited by amonkie; 06-18-2005 at 11:12 AM..

06-18-2005, 11:12 AM	#5 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	My thoughts for you sailor - Long distance relationships have a different flavor than those where you can see the person every day. What is your relationship like right now? Do you both have your individual interests that you enjoy, or do you spend all your time together 24/7? Neither in itself is neccessary a bad thing, but it may change the dynamic of your relationship. Not seeing someone is extremely difficult, but you can use it as a learning experience to explore other facets of your relationship. It make take some adjusting to be able to hit the clock at the same time - even just a time difference of three hours is lots of fun to deal with, I've found. __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

06-18-2005, 11:18 AM	#6 (permalink)
MEAD Insane Location: South Florida	Here's my explaination, the whole thing really brought me down, I was in love and the best times apart were always bittersweet at best. It kept me from having a good time where I was, and did all the same things to her. And in the end the realtionship failed. When someone who you love tells you they just were not happy with you its one of the most heartbreaking things you can hear. __________________ Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die. "That's it, send out the ninjas!" "So then I had to kill my way to the second floor." Last edited by MEAD; 06-18-2005 at 01:37 PM..

06-18-2005, 11:11 AM	#4 (permalink)
todd Addict Location: Chicago	I've never been involved in a long distance seperation like this, so I can't really speak from first hand experience. But if it was me and I was going to have to go away, I'd definitly at least give it a chance. I mean whats the worst that could happen? If it doesn't work out, then you can end it. You have nothing to lose. But if you end it now before you even give it a chance, theres no turning back. It's finished, and the chances of getting back together aftwards are a lot slimmer I'd think. If it was me and I let her go, i'd regret it at the end of the year. Also if you do end it now, how is that going to make things better? Just because you end the relationship's title doesn't mean you won't miss her and what not, right? Or are you planning on finding somebody else while you're there? Won't you have this same delima to go through when the year is over though?

06-18-2005, 12:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
eMOTIONal20 Crazy Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado	I think long distance relationships are alwasy really iffy. It usually depends on how much each person is willing to do it and actually try at making things work. I'm in agreement with amonkie, if you see eachother a lot (like every day) then it may be really difficult to be so far away from one another. I honestly don't recommend long distance relationships. I have yet to see one work out. You could still keep in touch with her and maybe agree to just date other people while you're away from one another, and then see how everything goes when you move back. This however, opens up the possibility of her or you falling for someone else. So if that's the decision, then be prepared. I hope you make the right decision for you and your SO. It's such a difficult one... good luck. __________________ "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi

06-18-2005, 12:22 PM	#8 (permalink)
nack104 Upright	The duration of a long distance relationship depends on the two people's lifestyles. However, in my opinion, they rarely last. I was in a long distance relationship last year, and it made me very depressed when I couldn't see her. This depression spread to the other person, and it ended up ruining the relationship and friendship all together. I'm sorry, but from what I've seen, they aren't worth the grief.

06-18-2005, 12:24 PM	#9 (permalink)
Ustwo Pissing in the cornflakes	While I was only 300 miles away, my relationship with my wife (then gf) was 'long distance' for about 4 years. If you have a strong relationship and do love each other it can work. Communication is easy these days with computers, the only issue is how much you are slaves to you gonads. __________________ Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

06-18-2005, 01:42 PM	#10 (permalink)
MEAD Insane Location: South Florida	Please dont go into this, man. I'm begging you. Germany, man! Hours of time difference, ridiculous phone bills, it may seem like nothing now but it wears you down. Just let it go, if it was supposed to work out it will anyway, there's no need for the self torture. __________________ Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die. "That's it, send out the ninjas!" "So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

06-18-2005, 03:13 PM	#11 (permalink)
tiltedbc Crazy Location: BC, Canada	I went through a long-distance relationship and wouldn't recommend it unless you plan on getting married. We always had a good relationship but it's tough to put your life on hold and grow in a different direction than the person you're in love with. I agree with Mead. It wears you down. I could write a rundown of how this senario plays out but it'd be a long letter. Go find a nice German girl and enjoy yourself. If it's true love with this girl back home, you can re-connect when you get back.

06-18-2005, 05:16 PM	#12 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	I agree that you're going to be on the other side of the globe for a year, and it seems like you're pretty young to boot- who knows how much growing you will do in that year? I've always heard people talk about how much their time abroad changed them as a person, and you might find that you're growing away from this girl while you're there. Plus, if you only see her twice in a year, there won't be any chance for the relationship to grow (yeah, you can talk online but it really, truly isn't the same) If I were you, I'd tell this girl how you feel about her, and ask her what her take on the whole situation is. Tell her you feel for her, but don't know what the next year in another country will bring. If you both feel like you'd be up for trying it, then go for it, but do it with the understanding that you BOTH will be open and honest with each other. What happens if you meet the woman of your dreams in Germany? What happens if this chick meets the man of her dreams while you're away? I say, tell this girl you like her, then go to Germany and let life take its course. If you go away always thinking of what you left behind, then you'll never let yourself truly enjoy your year in a different place. Always be open to the possibility of personal growth! __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi

06-18-2005, 05:39 PM	#13 (permalink)
JustDoll Upright Location: T.dot	I think its worse thing to have another half on the other side of the planet.. I've had an oversea's relationship, and it lasted a month not even, and we just couldn't take it.....i guess it takes alot of ..trust and..all...:/ it won't work when trust isn't there... Rite now my bf is AGAIn on the other side of the planet, haven't seen him for a month now...and i have 3 more weeks to wait before i seee him ...but im really excited about it... Anyways, to me in a relationship, seeing each other too often isn't good.. the 24/7 thing sometimes makes you forget to cherish those around you, on the other hand, not seeing each other for too too long may make the relationship seem to drag, and by the time you end up coming together again, things may have changed and it mite not worth it all in the end... It all depends how much you want to give into this relationship i guesss and TRUST is the key here... __________________ It's like you slit my throat, watched me bleed to death, and asked my dead body why I was screaming in so much pain.

06-18-2005, 06:20 PM	#14 (permalink)
sailor beauty in the breakdown Location: Chapel Hill, NC	Well, phone costs and such arent really a concern, thanks to the wonders of internet telephony--gotta love Skype As for the way our relationship is currently, it's somewhat of a long distance relationship now. We go to school together, and since school ended back in early May, we've been about an hour and a half apart. I see her about once every two weeks at the moment. Thanks for the comments, they're helping a lot. Please keep them coming. __________________ "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." --Plato

06-18-2005, 08:01 PM	#15 (permalink)
ophelia783 Insane Location: West Virginia	Just for my knowledge so I can better help to answer this, how long have you two been together? How old are you both? What kind of relationship do you have now? I feel like everyone's just giving their opinion without having most of the facts; seeing how I'm in a LD relationship, I'd like to help you out. __________________ ~~ He with a sharp tongue slits his own throat ~~

06-19-2005, 05:26 AM	#16 (permalink)
sailor beauty in the breakdown Location: Chapel Hill, NC	We've been together since early February, so about four and a half months now. We're both 20. The relationship now is a little bit long distance--like I said, we're about an hour and a half from each other now that class is out. We talk pretty much every evening. __________________ "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." --Plato

06-19-2005, 07:15 AM	#17 (permalink)
iamabanana Upright Location: Behind you.	I met someone in Chicago and he was from Australia. Even though I knew he'd be going back to AU we still ended up really connecting and dating one another. We had actually met online 3 years prior, but he was too young for it to be anything more than a platonic relationship (15 and I was 18). He eventually went back and our long distance relationship lasted 2 years until he was able to obtain a permanent VISA (yes, it really takes that long when you're doing it LEGALLY). I'll admit, it was rough. Being, literally, an OCEAN away from someone and only having online and phone contacts does suck. But, if you're a strong person you can handle it emotionally. I'll also admit that I was starting to cave-in emotionally. Between school, work, and our relationship I was having a rough time. Then he finally got his visa. He was 18 and I was 21 when we started dating. We're now 22 and 25 (soon to be 23 and 26). We're also married and very happy. It was well worth the wait.

06-19-2005, 08:15 AM	#18 (permalink)
ophelia783 Insane Location: West Virginia	sailor, I honestly think it depends on how deep your relationship is on an emotional and mental level. I'm not asking if you're in love, but how good is your friendship? I'm in a long-distance relationship (800-and some miles) with majik_6. We met online (on a body modification website), and we're strictly friends for like 8 months...actually, we barely spoke, but had a mutual friend. We were both dating other people, and then I went away to sleepaway camp. Then, in July, my ex-bf died in a car accident. After I posted that, he started texting my cell, and sent me a letter. When I came home, we started talking on the phone, pretty much for anywhere between 4 and 10 hours a day, every day. We became really great friends, and then in December, I broke up with my bf at the time. Majik invited me down for New Year's, and everything changed. In February, he proposed. Today, we've been engaged for 4 months, and everything's great. Keep in mind, he lives in West Virginia, and I live in Quebec, so we have to deal with a lot of the issues that you'd be dealing with. My advice to you is this: why not try it? If it fails, you won't have her in your life, but if you don't, you won't have her anyway. Yes, a year is a long time; yes, you're both young (then again, so are we), but think of it this way: if you can last through this, you're a strong couple who can make it through anything. If the only reason why you'd want to end it is to be able to "sow your wild oats", then you're not in it for the long haul anyway. If that was truly the case, though, you wouldn't be asking what you should do. If you need anything, or want to talk some more, feel free to PM or e-mail me. __________________ ~~ He with a sharp tongue slits his own throat ~~

06-19-2005, 08:25 AM	#19 (permalink)
hunnychile Alien Anthropologist Location: Between Boredom and Nirvana	Try it. You said you'd only be gone for a year and if she's the one - you need to remain open minded. Nothing can stop real love....we hope! And Hopefully you won't make your final decision based upon our input Good luck man! Keep us informed, 'K? BTW...what does she say about this? __________________ "I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

06-19-2005, 08:26 AM	#20 (permalink)
Ustwo Pissing in the cornflakes	I think that people have nailed down the real issue here. If you think she might be/is 'the one' you will marry then its worth holding onto despite the distance. If you can't see yourself being married to her, don't bother as its a lot of work to just maintain a temp relationship. __________________ Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

06-20-2005, 05:56 AM	#21 (permalink)
ruggerp11 Cautiously soaring Location: exploring my new home in SF	Heres my thing. I have a very long distance relationship going right now (not as bad as you, but still 1200 miles and a 20 hour car ride). I couldn't help myself. The key to this I believe is honesty and openess. If you think that you guys can be open and honest about things then go ahead, and make it work. They key here is also to realize that she and you shoudl be going out on the town and enjoying life without each other. My gf and I talk A LOT but still go out and have a good time with friends. I trust her and she trusts me. If you can do that, it will be hard but managable. IMO of course __________________ Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it. --Mark Twain Do What makes you happy --Me BUT! "Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

06-20-2005, 12:50 PM	#22 (permalink)
Mugzy6 Tilted Location: North Carolina	It depends on how committed you think you can be. If you think you can do it, then go for it. You have to love the person enough to stand being apart from them for long stretches and be satisfied with just a short time together. It's really tough, that's the reality. Few can do it.

06-20-2005, 01:56 PM	#23 (permalink)
StarCrossed Upright Location: 815click	If you are thinking about missing out on opportunities, then dont do it. But then again if you broke it off, and years later, you could realize shes was a missed opportunity, so i guess you never know. Do what your heart tells you. __________________ "Everybody plays the fool sometimes"

06-20-2005, 11:11 PM	#24 (permalink)
Frosstbyte Winter is Coming Location: The North	Just be very careful and understand what a difficult position you're putting yourself in. Long distance relationships are NOT FUN. They suck horrible horrible ass. Talking with someone over the phone or on AIM or through e-mails is nowhere in the same vacinity as having your girl pillowing her head on your shoulder while you watch a movie or eating dinner with her or anything like that. One of my ex's who is otherwise a wonderful girl that I really missed the boat on by not getting in a relationship with her earlier turned into a complete bitch because of the distance thing. When I stayed with her grandparents over Thanksgiving one year, her own grandmother called her out on how bitchy she was being to me. And this is really one of the sweetest girls I've ever met. I've never heard anyone anywhere ever call her out like that, not even people who don't particularly like her. It can and does wear you down. When you're going long distance and then see the other person, the emotions (and hormones) kind of go crazy and can make the experience much less fun than it really ought to be. As someone else noted, you can also change a lot, so be aware that you and she might not be the same, which can make the transition difficult, if not impossible. If you're convinced that this girl is worth a lot of, "God damn that girl is hot and wants me and I'm horny as hell but I'm with [current g/f] and want to be with her, period" or "I'm really tired of not being able to see her, but it's important to me that we're still together when I do see her" etc. etc., then go for it, but if there's any shred of doubt, you're better off letting it go and seeing what happens when you get back.

06-21-2005, 03:11 AM	#25 (permalink)
sailor beauty in the breakdown Location: Chapel Hill, NC	Thanks so much for the advice, guys. Some great points in here. I'll keep thinking it over for a while. Feel free to post more comments, anyone, I'd love to hear them. __________________ "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." --Plato

06-21-2005, 08:53 AM	#26 (permalink)
Church Tilted F*ckhead Location: New Jersey	Yeah, I was in a long distance relationship for a while. To be honest, the distance tore us apart. I tried my best, but not being able to get a hold of her a lot, and plus the fact that we started out in a long-distance relationship without having a basis of trust made it worse. All in all, it did not end pretty and I really have no faith in long-distance relationships unless its only temporary. __________________ Through counter-intelligence, it should be possible to pinpoint potential trouble makers, and neutralize them.