how do you tell a girl she isn't shallow or easy? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

AquaFox · 05-30-2005, 06:43 PM

i'm just curious on what you guys have to say on this issue.... i was chasing a girl earlier, but she began to think that i thought of her as easy and shallow... which she isn't and i never thought of that... soo she eventually just pulled away from me and is chasing some other guy now....... i was tlaking to her and she made a remark of how he doesn't think of her as shallow or easy...... i tried telling her she wasnt by telling her i never thought that and she was mistaken... then the conversation kinda ended there....

any advice for me?? i really am not interested in starting a relationship up with her, becuase its just not possible, but i however do want to remain friends with her...

i'm also wondering how or if i should mention that i got another girl starting to come into play now....

any and all advice is welcome!

Hektore · 05-30-2005, 06:54 PM

Well, I would start with "I don't think you're shallow or easy." The way you tell her is to tell her. I'm always one for brutally honest and straight to the point speech.

AquaFox · 05-30-2005, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hektore

Well, I would start with "I don't think you're shallow or easy." The way you tell her is to tell her. I'm always one for brutally honest and straight to the point speech.

my exact words to her is that i didn't think that of her and she was one of the deepest souled people i know, and that she definitally wasn't easy... i just gotta prove to her that im not just saying that to get laid or anything

lurkette · 05-30-2005, 06:59 PM

Well, since you've already *told* her...I don't know what else you can do. What might you have done to make her think that you think she is shallow and easy?

Seeker · 05-30-2005, 07:09 PM

I don't think mentioning another girl coming into play is a good thing either.. are you appearing shallow and easy? (please don't take that as offence, it's just that your approach may have been too light-hearted to begin with.. just food for thought..)

AquaFox · 05-30-2005, 07:12 PM

i''m not sure exactly what started it, but she all of a sudden wasn't as eager to see me when i asked her out again and never wanted to do anything after that... and i asked her what i did wrong and if she didn't want to see me because of something i did or something... and she took that as me thinking she was shallow or something

AquaFox · 05-30-2005, 07:14 PM

my logic on telling her about another girl was to maybe indicate that i wasn't saying that to get back with her..., i'm not totally sure about the other girl yet, soo i could allways say things didnt work out if needed...

Seeker · 05-30-2005, 07:23 PM

This maybe just me, but I don't think I'd be so concerned with saying anything more about it (or the new possible) at all.. It just sounds as if it didn't work for her.

Is this making it awkward for you at work, or you see her often?

jaco · 05-30-2005, 07:43 PM

Relationships are crazy things indeed and giving advice is tough without more information but i suggest that perhaps the problem has nothing to do with what she said at all. Besides, if she thinks that someone doing something to upset her makes her seem shallow

or perhaps she wasnt interested simply because she found another guy to chase. Dont lose any sleep over it and try again with a new one.

chickentribs · 05-30-2005, 09:37 PM

Regardless of what the issue is, she is on the defensive with you now and there is exactly ONE thing for you to do. Stop selling her on it. Back up, and do your thing as only her friend and don't care so much that she buys into you. This isn't playing a game, it is truly being her friend and happy with that.

Now, man to man, I would occassionally mention girls you find attractive and go out and have fun with girls because,
a) She is moving on with her romantic life, and so should you... and
b) This keeps you out of the "friend zone" because you are out with other women and fun to be around and she will continue to consider that and see you as dating material.

Once she starts talking to you about guys she likes or has gone out with and you are sitting there being supportive and waiting for her to come around without any stories of your own - it is done.

The shallow thing sounds a bit weird, and may have just been a way for her to pull back a bit herself. Drop it. Don't mention it again. If she really believes that you think that, than it's only because she believes it a bit too, in which case you get credit for figuring it out. If she doesn't really believe you think that, you get credit for seeing through her. The only thing that mucks it up is you continuing to let it bother you, and talking to her about it.

Quit selling her / Go have fun with others / Be a good friend, but not too good.

Vincentt · 05-31-2005, 04:06 AM

The shallow or easy thing is something she is using as excuse not to date you.
It is because she wants someone else.

She doesn’t really think you think that.

If someone says “I’m not a angry person” I think it is a strange comment… very defensive for what seems like no reason… probably because they are a angry person… and are angry about it.

Whatever the truth may be, and how wrong or right my thoughts on it are.

I can say this: she doesn't want to date you at this time, you should move on

AquaFox · 05-31-2005, 01:38 PM

thanks everyone!

i'm just going not start a conversation online or via txt messages anytime soon now, unless if she first starts one.... but i'll talk to her in a week maybe just to keep in touch.... and i know she's a profile reading freak, soo i'll besure to have a reference to my date with someone else tommorow night so she knows i've moved on

ALBINO · 05-31-2005, 03:03 PM

I think that if she's saying stuff like that you're already done like dinner man.

World's King · 06-01-2005, 02:44 PM

Well, first thing... get your dick outta her mouth... that's not helping the "easy" thing...

777 · 06-02-2005, 01:33 PM

Why not chase another girl? I've found it easier to move on than to stay were you're not wanted. She was testing you from what I can tell. And besides, there's always another gal.

Astrocloud · 06-02-2005, 02:20 PM

Personally I believe that if a girl wants you to think that she thinks... (insert anything here). -then there is some ulterior motive at play.

If you were really to think that -then wouldn't it be you who was shallow. So really the problem is with her thinking that you are shallow. I'd move on.

05-30-2005, 06:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
AquaFox WaterDog	how do you tell a girl she isn't shallow or easy? i'm just curious on what you guys have to say on this issue.... i was chasing a girl earlier, but she began to think that i thought of her as easy and shallow... which she isn't and i never thought of that... soo she eventually just pulled away from me and is chasing some other guy now....... i was tlaking to her and she made a remark of how he doesn't think of her as shallow or easy...... i tried telling her she wasnt by telling her i never thought that and she was mistaken... then the conversation kinda ended there.... any advice for me?? i really am not interested in starting a relationship up with her, becuase its just not possible, but i however do want to remain friends with her... i'm also wondering how or if i should mention that i got another girl starting to come into play now.... any and all advice is welcome! __________________ ...AquaFox...

05-30-2005, 06:54 PM	#2 (permalink)
Hektore Junkie Location: Greater Harrisburg Area	Well, I would start with "I don't think you're shallow or easy." The way you tell her is to tell her. I'm always one for brutally honest and straight to the point speech. __________________ The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

05-30-2005, 06:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Well, since you've already told her...I don't know what else you can do. What might you have done to make her think that you think she is shallow and easy? __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

05-30-2005, 07:09 PM	#5 (permalink)
Seeker Getting Clearer Location: with spirit	I don't think mentioning another girl coming into play is a good thing either.. are you appearing shallow and easy? (please don't take that as offence, it's just that your approach may have been too light-hearted to begin with.. just food for thought..) __________________ *To those who wander but who are not lost...* ~ Knowledge is not something you acquire, it is something you open yourself to.

05-30-2005, 07:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
AquaFox WaterDog	i''m not sure exactly what started it, but she all of a sudden wasn't as eager to see me when i asked her out again and never wanted to do anything after that... and i asked her what i did wrong and if she didn't want to see me because of something i did or something... and she took that as me thinking she was shallow or something __________________ ...AquaFox...

05-30-2005, 07:14 PM	#7 (permalink)
AquaFox WaterDog	my logic on telling her about another girl was to maybe indicate that i wasn't saying that to get back with her..., i'm not totally sure about the other girl yet, soo i could allways say things didnt work out if needed... __________________ ...AquaFox...

05-30-2005, 07:23 PM	#8 (permalink)
Seeker Getting Clearer Location: with spirit	This maybe just me, but I don't think I'd be so concerned with saying anything more about it (or the new possible) at all.. It just sounds as if it didn't work for her. Is this making it awkward for you at work, or you see her often? __________________ *To those who wander but who are not lost...* ~ Knowledge is not something you acquire, it is something you open yourself to.

05-30-2005, 07:43 PM	#9 (permalink)
jaco Crazy	Relationships are crazy things indeed and giving advice is tough without more information but i suggest that perhaps the problem has nothing to do with what she said at all. Besides, if she thinks that someone doing something to upset her makes her seem shallow or perhaps she wasnt interested simply because she found another guy to chase. Dont lose any sleep over it and try again with a new one. __________________ "How soft your fields so green, Can whisper tales of gore" "Thou art god"

05-30-2005, 09:37 PM	#10 (permalink)
chickentribs Addict Location: Mansion by day/Secret Lair by night	Regardless of what the issue is, she is on the defensive with you now and there is exactly ONE thing for you to do. Stop selling her on it. Back up, and do your thing as only her friend and don't care so much that she buys into you. This isn't playing a game, it is truly being her friend and happy with that. Now, man to man, I would occassionally mention girls you find attractive and go out and have fun with girls because, a) She is moving on with her romantic life, and so should you... and b) This keeps you out of the "friend zone" because you are out with other women and fun to be around and she will continue to consider that and see you as dating material. Once she starts talking to you about guys she likes or has gone out with and you are sitting there being supportive and waiting for her to come around without any stories of your own - it is done. The shallow thing sounds a bit weird, and may have just been a way for her to pull back a bit herself. Drop it. Don't mention it again. If she really believes that you think that, than it's only because she believes it a bit too, in which case you get credit for figuring it out. If she doesn't really believe you think that, you get credit for seeing through her. The only thing that mucks it up is you continuing to let it bother you, and talking to her about it. Quit selling her / Go have fun with others / Be a good friend, but not too good. __________________ Oft expectation fails... and most oft there Where most it promises - Shakespeare, W.

05-31-2005, 04:06 AM	#11 (permalink)
Vincentt Addict Location: Tokyo, Japan	The shallow or easy thing is something she is using as excuse not to date you. It is because she wants someone else. She doesn’t really think you think that. If someone says “I’m not a angry person” I think it is a strange comment… very defensive for what seems like no reason… probably because they are a angry person… and are angry about it. Whatever the truth may be, and how wrong or right my thoughts on it are. I can say this: she doesn't want to date you at this time, you should move on __________________ .

05-31-2005, 01:38 PM	#12 (permalink)
AquaFox WaterDog	thanks everyone! i'm just going not start a conversation online or via txt messages anytime soon now, unless if she first starts one.... but i'll talk to her in a week maybe just to keep in touch.... and i know she's a profile reading freak, soo i'll besure to have a reference to my date with someone else tommorow night so she knows i've moved on __________________ ...AquaFox...

05-31-2005, 03:03 PM	#13 (permalink)
ALBINO Upright	I think that if she's saying stuff like that you're already done like dinner man.

06-01-2005, 02:44 PM	#14 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Well, first thing... get your dick outta her mouth... that's not helping the "easy" thing... __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

06-02-2005, 01:33 PM	#15 (permalink)
777 drawn and redrawn Location: Some where in Southern California	Why not chase another girl? I've found it easier to move on than to stay were you're not wanted. She was testing you from what I can tell. And besides, there's always another gal. __________________ "I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip." Roger Zelazny Last edited by 777; 06-02-2005 at 01:34 PM.. Reason: Lack of smileys, added one.

06-02-2005, 02:20 PM	#16 (permalink)
Astrocloud Apocalypse Nerd	Personally I believe that if a girl wants you to think that she thinks... (insert anything here). -then there is some ulterior motive at play. If you were really to think that -then wouldn't it be you who was shallow. So really the problem is with her thinking that you are shallow. I'd move on.