blahblah454

Harharhar!! Yea that sounds like a reaaal accident there!!

/end sarcasm

KinkyKiwi

^ lol actually it was...her parents were there.

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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

Suave

What a prick. Sounds like he was getting off early just to spite you too. (Sorry, can't help but laugh at the cartoonish idiocy of that guy)

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"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

Suave

This isn't mine, but it was so funny I thought it was definitely worth sharing:

http://tuckermax.com/tuckertriesbuttsex.html

__________________
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

Nimetic

With respect Irishsean - I disagree strongly.

If you are mugged, your body is injured and you might die. If you are seen having sex there is no injury to your body, minimal risk of disfigurement, disability or death.

Looking at it from another point of view - concepts of privacy vary widely between individuals and human societies. Some groups are used to seeing each other changing, having sex, going to toilet etc (eg some indigenous/tribal peoples). Groups working in close quarters (military etc) also have reduced expectations of privacy, as do children, and those with altered mental state due to drugs (eg drunk) or congenital differences.

However, if you look at each of the above groups, physical assault is generally considered an affront and will be punished or responded to.

So... there are clearly major differences between physical attack and seeing something that others consider private.

Disk_Pusher

You're luck you only waisted 3 minutes. I waisted 6 months and my virginity on a sexist pig who had a 3 inch penis (fully erect) and believed he was God's gift to women. Better yet, when I saw an average guy (now my SO) I was scared because it was SO BIG in comparison to what I'd had... and my SO is average sized, not a porn star by any means.

And why did I stay with him? Because I wasn't sure if there was anything better out there... stupid stupid stupid.

*Rhapsody*

one pump jump. i refuse to even call it sex.

Coppertop

This is a bad experience?

eMOTIONal20

ok, so... this is when I was 18 and with the guy I lost my viginity to...

One day I'm over at my boyfriend's house (he still lived with parents) and we had been playing video games for a while and I was somehow suddenly in the mood so I tried to distract him from his Tony Hawk game...

This was quite effective (I have almost mastered this "distraction from video games" skill ), and we got all hot heavy... blah blah blah, and started having sex. For me, this began as probably one of the only good sexual experiences with him; however, we didn't notice what time it was, nor did we hear his garage door open.

We thought he had locked his bedroom door, but the door wasn't all the way shut when he locked it.... I think you can tell where this going....

His mother knocks... but doesn't wait until she is told she may come in. She just opens the door, and there we are... I'm completely naked, but he has a shirt on (I forget why it happened that way). Plus, I was being quite loud the whole time because it was one of the few times we had gotten to have sex while his parents weren't there. So, his mother most likely saw me naked, and saw her 18 year old son's penis all nicely wrapped in condom. I could not go downstairs for at least an hour with his parents down there. I can only imagine how traumatized his mother must have been... and how much she made fun of him after that. He and I just didn't speak of it again....

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"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi

LauraM0906

ok I can relate here. So I knew this guy for a while but he was kinda off limits(my babys daddy boss) I wanted him for a while and always thought it would be good. Boy was I wrong. It started okay but then he started asking for head. This isnt a problem but advice to men please dont ever beg. Its not a turn on. Then we start having sex. He wanted on top so I am like okay. Then I swear he acts like he is havin a fuckin siezure or some shit. So I tried on top didnt work either. He keeps asking how do I want it now (about 10 times). Then he bites me(nibbling is okay) but I had his teeth marks on my neck for a week. Then he jerks me up by my hair and says Fuck me now bitch. Then I was like Im out and left. And he actually had the nerve to ask me if I was availiable the next day. HELL NO!!!!

vic28

One of my most embarrassing--yet funniest--sexual experiences was when I was getting it on with a friend in his car in the parking lot of the community college. Just after we finished (seriously right after), a light appeared in the back window. It was a cop. So we had to talk to him and give him our IDs while totally naked. He let us off with a verbal warning--he was even more embarrassed than we were.

But the worst part is, thinking back on the timing of everything, the cop seemed to wait till we were done to intervene. I always wonder how long he was there before we knew it...

IC3

I have 3 bad expierences

1. In one of my old bedrooms i had shelving right above the top of my bed, We started out at the top of the bed and somehow ended up being at the bottom of the bed..Everything was going great until, For some reason, She swung her leg up and hit the shelf that had beer, Pizza and dipping sauce on it..It all ended up on us and all over my bed.

2. After a night of sittin around smoking weed with this girl that i had wanted for a long time, She starts giving me signals that she's pretty horny...Very horny..So we start doing the foreplay and move into the bedroom, I slide into her and it's great, About 5 minutes in..She is WET, I was taking full hard thrusts into her and i could feel the wetness on my stomach..I was lovin it and she was too..We finished up and cuddled eachother and fell asleep. Wake up in the morning and she goes to the bathroom..She comes back in and tells me she got her period..I lift the blanket up to see that my stomach had blood on it and my fingers the same..I was like.

I will admit it was great sex..She was an animal that night, But when i seen the blood on my fingers and stomach..It kinda grossed me out.

3. I was at a club and met a girl, I asked her to come back to my place to go swimming after the club..We get to my place and we were straight downstairs into bed..I was too drunk to be having sex and i kept slippin out of her..I felt like the biggest ass, It was some sloppy sex..So i said fuck it and finished her with my fingers and mouth.

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"To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi

Johnny Pyro

I was fucking very hard and fast when I thrusted out of her by mistake rammed my dick on the right side of her ass bending it at a 90 degree angle. It was the worst pain. I thought I would have to go to the hospital. I wanted to die. I had a purple bruise ring around my dick and the pain went away in about a week in a half. The moral is "You don't always have to fuck her hard...." Jack Black -Tenacious D

Popeyed Sailor

Statement from an old man: "The worst sex I ever had was just fan-damn-tastic." (No, I'm not that old man.)

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To be great is to be misunderstood. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

(It's amazing how many people don't understand that.)

ngdawg

Drinks, friends, sneaking feels under the table, listening to karaoke and him wanting to join in. Closed the bar, went outside to his car, he played a love song and we snuggled. Back to his room, get naked, I get on top, he smiles sweetly and proclaims "I am going to fuck your brains out." A few minutes later, he pushes me off, runs to the bathroom and throws up...a lot...with blood. There's a last night together one wants to remember......

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Konichiwaneko

....all my dreams of Dawg have simply vanished, poof. What a mystery.

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Fett56

I'd say a bad attempted handjob that consisted of her stroking me with her thumb up and down really fast near the base of my dick... it burned like hell.

It was still nice though.

mingusfingers

Quote from my grade 9 band teacher: "Sex is like pizza. Even if it's bad pizza, it's still pizza."

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Still Looking

ngdawg

huh?? what I do now?? *I* didn't make him throw up!!! It was the gin and tonics and beers...

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Heavy

I had buddy tell the story of pulling out and finding a pea on the end of his dick.

I guess it could be true, my dog shit in the house and I found an intact pea.

Thats really fucking disgusting.

OFKU0

Worst was in university when for months I was sniffing up this little bookworms ass. Finally the day came,...but I didn't. Hard to get turned on I suppose from an average guy's perspective( size that is) when her crotch was so loose you could put Skippy peanut butter jar in there and she wouldn't have noticed.

Six months wasted trying to get her pants off. Standing in the wind with a woody has more feeling than that. It's a wonder her guts hadn't slipped out before hand.

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" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

Gatorade Frost

Hm. It depends on what we mean by "Worst sexual experience". Probably either in my car or the two times I got my caught (once by my parents, other time by hers). If we're looking emotionally the night before we broke up and I felt like shit for doing it even though I didn't really want to.

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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips

OuterHeaven

I've got a couple. So me and my gal were fooling around in my basement like usual, and so I decide that im going to finger her for a bit, and then go down on her. So I'm kissing her inner theigh and fingering her, and right before I started to go down on her I pulled my finger out to switch hands, and both my index and middle finger were completely covered in blood. Thank god I didn't go down on her. The second might not seem so bad for some but it totally grossed me out. So I was getting a handjob from my gal(same as before) in this recliner chair. She has me lying back on the recliner while she sits on the arm of the chair(she's pretty short, about 5 ft) and so shes giving me this great handjob and we haden't fooled around in like 3 weeks due to her vacation, and I'm getting really close, and when I came, it shot at the perfect angle to fly through the air and splatter all over my face and in my mouth. I had hoped to live my life without having to taste semen, but I guess that wasn't in the cards.

Nirvana

lmao these are soe of the greatest stories ever

mackyroo

My story involves masturbation - it's not really bad, just embarassing.

I was living with my Dad still, this happened when I was around 15ish.

Anyway, I was beating off, looking at porn. Everything is good, I start feeling my climax building and like "this is going to be a doozy".. I am on the verge of cumming when my dad knocks, and walks into my room. Now, the shock sent me over the edge, and I instantly reacted. I quickly pressed alt F4 to close out the porn, bending over in my chair at the same time to act like I was tying my shoe.. but I didn't have any shoes on. Keep in mind I'm still shooting my spunk.

Dad: "you ok son?"
Me: "yeah oooohh dad, just a stommmmmmach ache."
Dad: "ok."

he leaves my room, I lean up and my pants and stomach(my shirt somehow got scrunched up) were completly coated with my manjuice.

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Official Bullshit.

JamMasterJames

Im ashamed to admit...

I was at this party , drunk as hell when I meet this girl who looks like angelina jolie, I spit a lil game and next thing I know im banging the hell out of her. I dont even remember any pleasure out of it, but I was really going at it. I passed out, and someone she me home. Anyways... I wake up feeling like my rips and pelvis were about to be crushed. As I came out to I realize I have a 500 pound woman riding me..

Funnel

Well one time I got off of school for my lunch break and i met this girl at my house that i had dated about a year before. We had never "done the no pants dance" but we had gotten close and she decided to come over drunk. First thing she does is just rip her clothes off and i took mine off and i noticed something wierd around her vagina i thought it was lent from her undies. I had left my shirt and boxers on because i was a stud that did girls with my clothes on. Anyway, so a minute into it i smell something and look down and there is white stuff ALL over me, the condom, my shirt and my boxers, and also the bed. So i just stop and pretend i was done and was like well oops im sorry that was so short my bad. I changed boxers and washed my hands but i forgot to change shirts so anyway about fifteen of the most awkward minutes of my life were sitting in my living room and im waiting for her to go back to school for soccer and i look down and see what was still on my shirt. God it was terrible i ran to the bathroom and threw up. I came back out in a new shirt and got her the hell out of there. The funniest part about it was when i only told one of my best friends and then i get a call a few weeks later from a friend i hadn't spoken to in a few months and he says, "What the F*** did you have sex with her too it hurts soooo bad when i pee." So i told him what happened and he called her and said. "B**** what is wrong with your vag. It turned out she had a yeast infection and lets say it was the first and only one i have ever experienced and am not proud of it.

Daoust

Great stories! I'm sure I have a few comparables... One was when I was fooling around with an on again off again gf, we were in bed with our friends in the bed beside us, probably doing it. Anyways, when I was fingering her, for some reason, I came, and I was humiliated. So I just rolled over and pretended I was asleep, because I know she wanted to jerk me off, but I was already done.

Another was when my wife I began a fight while we were doing it. I'm not proud of it, but it happened. Takes a while to get things back to normal after that.

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I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

Bill O'Rights

Debbie?!?

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Nunquam_Idem

Wow, some of these are pretty funny, some are pretty gross.

I have a bad memory but I really can't think of anything anywhere near the caliber of bad experiences you guys have. If I remember anything, I'll let you know :P

Tophat665

Inadvertent Fumilingus (i'm going down, she floats an air biscuit)

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Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Lyncher

New Years eve 2003, Smashed to hell (15 beer in 3 hours, I was 18yr/old) so I am scoping all the hot babes I went to school with and one of them told me to meet her upstairs at the house we were at. So I go up there and wait a few minutes... pass out ... then wake up to someone giving me oral... This chick was so hot and I was all into it, the lights were off but I could barly see anyway. Then I hear her say stick it in my cunt ... So I do ... then after a few minutes I hear stick it in my ass ... so I am thinking this is the GREATEST EVER ... then the lights turn and there is 10 people standing in the door. Laughing their heads off ... apparently the chick that told me to meet her threw up and went home ... and the girl whose house it was came up stairs and found me unbuttoned and took advantage. Now not to sound shallow... She was a COW! Fat ... annoying ... and apparently horny ... she was a friend but definatly not someone I wanted to do that with.

Sugarmouse

eeew how can u not know?!!?


io wont post any of my worst ones theyre all too horrid for me to remember!! right now i dnt thnk id complain at any action!Lol


im worried abotu the blowin down the cock thing..i do that!!!

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Sugarmouse=Festered

Neogigas667

Ok... I have got 2....
1) Ok... Me and my ex-GF were in the back of my car in the bowling place's parking lot (I was only 17 at the time so we did the best with what we had...) Ok... We are going at it like crazy and after a while, and We decide to take a break... Ok... i pull out of her and I suddenly hear the loud fart sound... look over at her to see her red-faced and holding her hands over her mouth (I had no clue what had happened) I proceed to chuckle trhinking she had farted... ((It came from her pussy for those who hadn't guessed...))

2) Ok me and and my gf (diff from one above) are in a 69 position in my living room floor going at it and all of a sudden I feel a water like stuff fly all over my stomach, penis, and thighs... and well you guessed it... She had puked on my dick while attempting to deep throat it.

tiltedbc

recently got a blowjob from a girl who had large amounts of sharp teeth that she raked up and down on my penis as I debated stopping her or not. Checked my skin for puncture wounds later and was relieved not to find any real damage but I was sore for a couple days.

the worst experience was going down to Vancouver for New Years and getting a nice hotel room so I could take my ex-girlfriend out on the town and then back to the hotel. Once we get back to the hotel she decides it wouldn't be right for us to have sex so she calls a cab and goes home. I then got to listen to the people in the next room having sex.

note we'd split because she moved by the way, and we planned this night. Oh well..

crxforum

I was in the bathroom of a bar with a girl and she was giving me oral. Anyways she says, "I want you to f*ck my face". Never doing so before I start slowly and she seems pissed off that Im not going harder. Then she actually says harder. So I thrust as hard as I can and bang her head off the metal hand drying machine. I watched as her eyes rolled back in her head and she started to collapse.

Luckily on my part she came to before she face planted on the floor and we finished in style except for the part where she was having problems keeping her balace due to the blow to the back, and I guess front, of her head.

CRX Forum