nack104

Alright, so it seems like every guy loves receiving oral. However, for some reason everytime a girl goes down on me, I feel like it's degrading and I have a hard time keeping an erection. This has literally ruined relationships in the past, and I'm scared about it happening again with the girl I'm dating. She's a very wild girl, and sooner or later she's gonna go down on me. I feel much more comfortable with her than the girls in the past, but I'm still worried that when she goes down on me I'm gonna lose my erection. This will not only ruin the moment, but I'm concerned it will make her question my attraction towards her. I just don't know what to do; I'm afraid of talking about it with her because I can see it as a big turn off. What do you guys think I should do? It's not that I don't like getting head, it just doesn't really turn me on. What do you guys think I should do? I wish I could just relax and enjoy it.

maleficent

You need to answer one big question for yourself -- why do you think that oral sex is degrading?

Have you watched a lot of porn where the women were degraded? heard stories from people? Past history of sexual abuse?

Once you find out that oral sex is quite enjoyable for both parties, you'll be fine, but you really need to dig for that answer...

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ShaniFaye

Some guys dont enjoy it.....I've met many that werent into it for one reason or another, just like some girls dont like receiving it either....hell Dave didnt even like it until he met me....now he cant get enuff of it. Talk to her about it...have her read other mens opinions, you can find plenty that it doesnt do anything for....then if she still wants to try on you...discuss it with her. Communication is the key. Blow jobs arent the end all be all of sex....god did I just say that?

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

tecoyah

well.....the truth would be a good place to start....

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kramus

would you be game to try 69 as an apertif? Might just train yourself to be ok with it. Maybe if you were a little more involved in the activity it would make the one-sided thing less of a turn-off. How about kneeling by her head and giving her a tickle or two where it counts while she does what she wants. I am seriously thinking that you need to be involved in pleasuring her while it is going on in order to enjoy yourself more.

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tacobaal

i never finish from oral, i just cant for some reason, but i like getting it, and like giving it. when its happining its all about the person reciving (imo) and as long as you give back alls good, both parties are happy, and sometimes giving pleasure is better then reciving well at least i think so

Martel

the more you sit around worrying about it, the more tense you're gonna be. you need to do SOMETHING right now, whether that's talk to her or figure out what you're afraid of or whatever.

if she's a caring person, it's not going to make her leave you if you sit her down and say "erm, baby, i need to talk to you about something..."

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Anamnesis

nack104

I think it's degrading because I've had bad experiences with it in the past, and I'm just uncomfortable with it. The more I do it the better it gets, but I'm just concerned that it's going to go really poorly the first time.

ShaniFaye

Then she needs to be aware of your concerns so that ya'll can talk thru the process, its not fair to her if you let her do it and she doesnt know the possible outcome.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

maleficent

If you care about this girl, and she cares about you, you owe it to her to be honest with what is going on in your head. If she told you that she wasn't comfortable with something you wanted to do, would you do it? No, probably not, because you care about her. Women are no different. It's not a weakness or something bad.. it's your past experience... this isn't to say it won't change in the future, if taken slowly -

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powerclown

Tie her down to the bed. That way, no harm can possibly come to you, or your penis.

nack104

I should also say that I feel awkward bringing up the subject when we haven't really discussed anything like that. For instance, if I out of nowhere saying "so just in case you wanted to give me head, I gotta forewarn you..."

I feel like a jerk doing that.

snowy

First off, you need to relax. Secondly, you need to tell her how you feel. Third, you need to eliminate the idea from your head that a woman giving you oral sex is somehow degrading to the woman. It's not, at all. It's our choice to let you put your penis in our mouth, and let me tell you, the woman possesses all the power in that situation if she's doing it right. So if what turns you off about oral sex is thinking about it as some kind of male-dominated power play, remember there is a lot of power in getting someone off. For me, I always feel like I'm in control when I'm giving a blow job. Preferably I like the man to lay down so I'm in a more dominant position and can deep-throat more easily--there's nothing like watching a guy go crazy from pleasure, and there is power in that, not degradation on either part.

Healthy sexual behaviors (such as oral sex, intercourse, and anal sex) should feasibly be able to be executed without any sense of degradation on the part of either partner. But open communication about preferences is key to accomplishing that.

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Psycho Dad

Then don't do it that way. If the situation arises where she starts to go there, change to something else. She may not understand and if she asks you, be honest with her. There is no point engaging in any sexual activity that you BOTH don't enjoy.

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Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

dlish

if u think its degrading..maybe its because uve seen too much porn where the womans been degraded.. try turning off the lights, or just lay back and close ure eyes and just think of the sensations rather than the actions...

when u say bad experiences in the past,,what do u mean?

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getwonk'd

I can give you an honest womans point of view. When your just learning to give head, I suppose it could seem degrading. Thats just because you just don't know what to do, and it is kindof awkward. Maybe the girls you were with were just not good at it. To me, it is the ultimate act of trust. If you trust the person your with, it will come naturally. Maybe you loose your erection because you didn't trust who you were with. Teeth could very well be scary. I, for one, love to give my husband head. The more I've done it, the better I have gotten. I love to feel it go down my throat and I love to try new things. Let her know, when the subject comes up, that your not sure how you feel about it. She will either understand and not do it or take you places you've never been before. Either way, trust first, the rest will come.

nack104

The first girl I was intimate with was like WTF when I lost my erection after she gave me head. Then I said something stupid and then she got all offended, and after that point she was as mean as possible towards me.

I agree with what you guys are saying, thanks for the help.

TroutKind

relaxing is the key. if she wants to give it to you then so be it. some people get off more pleasuring some one else, so it might be a turn off for her if you aren't into it. don't worry about getting off cause it takes most guys alot more than a girl is willing to give for them to get off from oral. just make sure your undercarriage is all scrubbed up and there should be nothing to worry about.

mokle

She was a dirty tramp, forget about her.

Honestly, if you're really worried about it, just don't let her go down on you. If she tries to, gently pull her up and go down on her.

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Mokle
"Your hands can't hit what your eyes can't see" -Ali

abaya

Time, give it time. All things intimately sexual take time to develop. Everyone knows how to fuck, just stick the right thing in the right place. But to really gain trust and skill... takes serious investment of time and energy. Open yourself to being vulnerable with her and telling her about your past, and then I am almost positive that she will be more receptive to how you feel about bj's.

It took me months and months to learn how to give consistently good head (I think?--from the cumming results as my data points) ... and that process went hand in hand with learning to enjoy the experimenting, and from working against any barriers in my own mind. Likewise, it took me a long time to be able to receive head, and even longer to learn to cum. It is a process of becoming more and more vulnerable and trusting... try to enjoy that time, and let us know how it goes.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

nack104

Thanks for all the help. I was trying to rehearse what I was going to say in the shower, and it still freaks me out. My mean ex would yell at me whenever I tried to bring up this subject that plagued me day in and day out. Every day it got worse and worse to the point where I was obsessed with it, and that really turned her off.

I'm thinking about driving her out to a quiet place and just telling her the story. If she can't handle it, then we'll have to go our separate ways.

akito

Does it have anything to do with the fact that you're not understanding the pleasure the female receives from giving you head?

Try thinking about the fact that she is enjoying it just as much as you, except MORE! That does it for me at least, because being the type of guy I am, I prefer the female receiving great pleasure more than anything.

Just a thought.

ShaniFaye

Yeah I think some guys dont get that. I get SO much out of giving head, and like onesnowyowl said....its power and good god does it feel good. The rush of getting a guy up and teasing him and licking and sucking is almost more than I can stand sometimes. I have NEVER felt degraded when performing fellatio, I would rather give head than have actual sex sometimes....much as that frustrates Dave because then he feels like he's being selfish even though its all my idea

Its only degrading to a woman if she's forced to do it if its not her thing....if she WANTS to do it put that fear aside.

Seriously what I said before is key....ya'll need to talk, and dont be surprised if she takes it as a challenge, if she has any feelings for you at all she will probably want to help you try to get over feeling that way.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Daniel_

I've only recently relaxed enough about felatio to accept it as something that she wants to do for me.

Previously (other women) I always was made to feel it was something that was a special treat for me that did nothing for them.

It took me a long time to realise that the woman might well get as much out of it as I do from going down on her.

Which is bloody odd, once you think about it - that is, it's odd it took me so long to realise....

dlish

the key..lay back, relax..close ure eyes, go with the flow...breath in..breath out

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

blonde_guild

I wouldn't really worry about the degradation issue. As you've presented the situation, it seems that SHE would be the one WANTING to suck you. It feels to me that it would only be degrading if you were forcing her to do it, and that is obviously not the case. The main thing to do, as has been already stated, is RELAX. Tension is usually not beneficial for the intimate arts.

Like several of the above replies have stated, from the point of view of the giver, it's amazingly satisfying to hold that power over someone. I absolutely love getting between the legs of my girlfriend and licking and teasing while her hips squirm.

the_marq

There seems to be an overriding opinion in this thread that you need to learn to like oral for some reason.

Fuck that.

Some guys don't like blow jobs some do, some guys don't like buttplugs some do. There is no need to "do what everyone else is doing."

Furthermore, I can think of several girls I slept with in my past who would have been OVERJOYED to hear me say,"No thanks honey. I'd rather you didn't give me a blowjob." Some girls don't like doing it (thankfully, some do).

abaya

Yes, this is part of good communication and trust, which is even more important than giving/getting head. If she doesn't respond in a way that makes you feel good, then I'd think about finding someone who will embrace you and what you're comfortable with.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

nack104

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the help. Hearing that is fun for the girl is starting to take away some of the bad thoughts in my head, so now I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure if I should say anything now or just let it go and relax. I guess that's my decision alone.

jhkayakr

I don't think it's degrading. If a women doesn't want to do it, she isn't going to do it. It's her choice. What would be degrading is not telling her when you are about to reach orgasm or treat her like a porn star. If I were you I would relax and enjoy.

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nack104

It seems as if several events in my life coinciding with my concern over this issue have brought me into a strange mood. The way the girl I'm dating has been acting lately started to bug me, and now I feel I need to talk about where we stand. However, past relationships hindered my confidence in talking with my SO. I suppose I should just talk to her about it, but I'm a little scared because of how girls in the past have reacted.

ShaniFaye

Dont make her suffer because of other peoples mistakes....thats not fair to her and doesnt show her the respect she should get if you do indeed consider her a SIGNIFICANT OTHER.

give her a chance to help you deal with it

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

nack104

I'm not sure I understand. Are you saying I should tell her what's bothering me because it's disrespecting her to keep it inside?

She has had a lot to deal with lately, and I'm partly scared to bring this up to have her lash back saying she's just been under a lot of stress with work. I guess I'm sounding like a pussy right now, but this is all thanks to my stupid ex's who seemed to make communication feel like a negative.

abaya

I'd have to agree w/Shani here... assuming you want to keep the relationship moving towards more (emotional) intimacy... it is somewhat disrespectful to the depth of your relationship to hold things back. People in a relationship tell each other things... that's communication, and that's what makes a relationship survive and thrive.

I am sorry that your past girlfriends made communication such a negative thing... but try your best to get out of the past and into the present. The only negative thing I can imagine w/communication is if it's done w/a negative tone, or with intent to hurt someone... but this is not the case w/you.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Stare At The Sun

Hey man, i'm in the EXACT same boat you are in. I actually made a thread about it...years ago. Simple fact is some guys, contrary to popular opinion just don't like getting head. I don't, you don't, and I know a few others who don't. Its no big deal, and a lot of girls i've known were relieved to find that out. Just become comfortable with yourself,and don't "force" yourself into it. If you don't want it, then don't get it. Simple as that in my book.

Personally, I'd say talk to her about it, explain your situation, etc. I'm sure she will be fine with it. Hell, no oral just makes traditional sex that much better!

black94lt1

I couldn't have said it beter myself. I love it too, but never have cum from it, same for women in my past.

nack104

Ok, so I talked with her about it, and it went well. She let me talk about everything that bothered me, and I was happy about that. There still is one detail I didn't ask about, and I'm not sure if I should yet. It seems like she's willing to make out and get physical whenever she's had alcohol, but without it she hasn't really come onto me. It's possible that it's just my imagination, but I'm concerned that she is doing more after drinking than she would sober.

She told me she wants to take this really slow, but what's worries me is that I may be progressing with the drunk girl and not with the sober one. She makes out with me and we go a tad further each time, yet when she's sober we don't do much. I don't want to misread this and start going fast when the sober girl isn't ready.

I hope that make sense. Maybe someone could help me out with that one. The last time we made out she only had a cup of a mixed drink, so she wasn't close to being really tipsy or drunk. That's why I'm not really sure how to read the situation. Maybe I should give it more time and see what happens.

Nirvana

just know that it isnt degrading and shes doing it because she wants to do something special for you.

waltert

my girlfriend had some bad experiences with oral in the past.

just talking about it should help the process tremendously.

Johnny Pyro

There is nothing degrading about a blowjob. Its just the same as eating a girl out. Its oral pleasure and its something she wants to do. The only thing scary about a blowjob is teeth! Ouch!

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