twinkle

I wouldn't classify this as a dealbreaker, more of a disappointment. Falls into the "needs improvement" category.

I have been with my SO for nearly two years. We're getting married. But he never compliments me. At most, he'll say something complimentary about once a week, and it's something lukewarm at best ("You look nice.")

I know he can compliment. Before we were dating, he would often say complimentary things about other girls to me. And, in fact, after we were dating, he would say complimentary things to and about other girls in front of me. So it's not that he can't do it.

In my most recent major relationship before this (5 years/cohabitation) the guy all but ignored me, and did the same thing (compliments for others, nothing for me).

I am definitely not gorgeous. I'm chubby. But I'm not hideous. And I guess I just figured the person who was going to marry me would think enough of me to drop a compliment once in a while. And it frankly makes me feel like a hideous beast when he omits compliments this way.

I have talked to him about this three times (including this morning). Each time, he's all oh I'm sorry, oh I'm an ass. And then it goes back to me never getting a single compliment, which then leaves all the compliments he gave other girls ringing in my ears (insecure, yes I know, but I think most people would feel the same).

I'm just starting to feel like he really doesn't find me attractive. Or he's already taking me for granted in a big way. Neither of which *I* enjoy.

Comments?

kramus

I used to give the ex compliments all the time - still do actually because she is a fine lady. But my omission was the romantic gesture - I only thought of flowers when I was broke, hardly ever set up a picnic date or did whatever else it is that the romanitic people do. She mentioned that lack from time to time. I think it isn't so much that you aren't considered compliment worthy but that he only thinks of these things when it is too late or would seem forced or all the million other little roadblocks guys can put in the way. He definitely thinks you are attractive because you have stirred him deeply enough that he wants you as his life partner. Maybe if you got some silly fridge magnet or little washroom knick-knack that carried a message like - "have you told her she's beautiful lateley?" on it. If you set the stage and gave a little more direction to his random unvoiced thought patterns he may spontaneously say those little things from time to time. Worth a shot, maybe? It won't be asking for compliments, just letting him know that you are open to recieving them and agreeable to his voicing them. Besides, if you react in a very warm and positive way without going overboard (unless you do him an intimate service ) he will learn to open up a bit.

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abaya

This is my technique, as I sometimes feel the way the OP does... and I choose to react VERY positively every time my bf does something nice, not b/c I'm overdoing it but b/c it really DOES mean a lot to me, and I want him to know that I appreciate what he does. Thus he feels more comfortable continuing to do nice things, and I feel better too. I also render him intimate services...

This used to be more of a problem for us, but my bf and I have had some serious talks about the way I interpret his form of attention/inattention to me, and we are both working on it... him, being more affirming --> he's doing a great job <--- and me being less sensitive/insecure. Of course one feeds off the other... it comes down to getting into good habits of affirming, forgiving, communicating, always seeking to improve the relationship.

I think pride and/or laziness can become little roadblocks, as kramus said (and eventually, huge roadblocks)... so really lay down the law with your man and help him realize how much it hurts you when he doesn't put effort into/remember the little things (and give him a chance to say which of your behaviors hurt/frustrate him). In some ways, I think my bf now knows that if we didn't work on these issues, we'd be better off apart... it's that important to me, to feel affirmed regularly in a relationship. Sometimes it does take severe honesty to get your point across.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Sage

I think that perhaps your fiancee does say nice things to you, in his own way, but you don't see it. You describe yourself as "I am definitely not gorgeous. I'm chubby." To me this sounds like you have a lack of assurance within yourself that you are attractive, and therefore zero in on the comments your fiancee makes about other girls. If the man you are with doesn't make you feel like the most beautiful woman in his world, then there's a problem. I'm not saying he should worship the ground you walk on, but if he doesn't affirm his love and devotion to you in such a way that you *know* he thinks you're the greatest thing ever, then you need to talk to him about it, and have a serious sit down about how you two feel for each other before you go and get married.

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Daoust

That is the wax in the ears that stops the hearing of many compliments a man may give his spouse/significant other.

__________________
I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

OFKU0

Perhaps instead of wondering why your SO doesn't compliment you, maybe look into yourself and define why you need compliments and why it is important to you.

If you do that honestly, you probably won't worry about the lack of compliments, from anyone.

__________________
" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

twinkle

RE: me saying I'm chubby. I'm just being realisitc, here. I am confident. I just realize that I'm 20 lbs overweight, and there's nothing wrong with not being in denial about a wee weight problem. It's really not a self-esteem problem; it's more like, I have the best self-esteem I've ever had, but never hearing a positive word from my fiance is starting to chip away at this confidence.

It's not that I don't hear compliments, I promise. It's that he doesn't give them.

Before we were together, he'd say things like this about other girls (keep in mind,w e were close friends, so he talked to me like a friend would): "She's hot/She has the most amazing hair I've ever seen/I'd love to see her naked/She's hot. Hot hot hot/She's got a great ass/She's beautiful"

After we got together, he continued to dole out compliments such as "I love your hair this color/You have amazing eyes/Those pants are great/She has awesome clothes/She has awesome shoes" etc. One he actually said he would like to see a girl we know naked, and I was totally not impressed with that. Especially since my nakedness is met with deafening silence --- I have never heard one single positive word about my naked body from him.

There were also other things that fed into this, such as when we had to do a portrait assignment for one of our classes (yes, post secondary) and instead of using me as a subject --- I used him --- he chose one of the girls he was constantly complimenting (which, as far as I'm concerned, is a statement) and then spent hours editing the photos and using them in art. In the magazine he compiled for another class, he gave her a full page spread (including a suggestive photo of her licking the air), had numerous photos of scantily clad women, and my photo appeared nowhere.

Perhaps any one of these occurrences wouldn't mean much, but many of them, together, over time, that's gonna get on a girl's fucking nerves. There's more, but I just don't have the time to list every specific incident.

So no, he doesn't help in making me feel attractive. And that has nothing to do with my self-esteem; as my fiance, it's part of the job description to make me feel loved, and compliments are part of that. Especially when he's free and easy with them to everyone else.

And the flipside is, I comment on his appearance constantly, varying from you look really nice today to your cock is huge and awesome. I am totally in love with him, and he is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I always thought the reverse would be true. But it's not.

twinkle

A woman shouldn't expect positive attention from her significant other?

This has nothing to do with my self-esteem. This is a problem with him taking me for granted. See above.

ophelia783

Honestly, my fiance tells me at least once a day how beautiful I am, and I'm not the model-type, trust me....

You can't change someone, and you shouldn't blame yourself for someone else's actions and opinions. The way I see it, is that you have two choices: deal with feeling the way you do, and the situation, or refuse to put up with it and leave.

__________________
~*~* He with a sharp tongue slits his own throat *~*~

MSD

If this is affecting you so significantly, you may want to atke a look at the relationship before you get married and make sure that you're really as compatible as you think you are.

I don't care what your mother told you, I don't care what all those womens' magazines tell you, I don't care what TV shows and every other aspect of society tells you, you cannot change someone and make them perfect in your eyes. If this is such a big deal that you're asking for advice on how to change it, you have to consider the likely situation that it will not change and you'll be kicking yourself for it later.

From his point of view, it may be completely different. He may have had some sort of experience in teh past that makes him bite his tongue when he wants to say something nice. It's easy to talk about people who can't hear you and willb e gone in as little time as it takes to walk past, but ir's difficult to say something to you because of some subconscious fear of saying the wrong thing and offending you, or somehow screwing up. There's also the possibility that he's concealing the fact that he's emotionally growing apart from you and can't find a way to say it directly. He could be conscioously or subconsciously letting you know that he doesn't feel the same as he used to and wants you to do something about it so that he doesn't feel guilty. There's also a possibility that there's such a huge communication problem that he thinks he's complimenting you every way but verbally and either isn't, or is doing it in a way that you don't see or choose not to see. It seems apparent that you have a pre-existing self-esteem isue connected to your physical apperance, and that also has to be addressed.

If anyone is still reading after that rambnling, the point I'm trying to make is that this is all about a lack of understanding and communication between two people, and they need to do more than occasionally talk about it, give and accept an apology, and go back into the same routine.

abaya

I agree with you, it's never the "big" things that matter, but actually the small things... and any accumulation of small things, whether positive, negative, or neutral, will overcome the "big" stuff (yes, even being engaged).

You said you don't have time to list every specific incident... do you mentally keep track of these things? I find that I keep track of negative things much more when I am feeling depressed, so that in a way they become a self-fulfilling prophecy (even if the depression started because of a minor negative thing). It is a nasty process... I hear you, that it's not so much a self-esteem problem as it is one of communication and compatibility. Question those things before committing to either marriage or splitting up, because if you aren't happy now, it's almost for sure that you won't be happy 10 or 20 years from now.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

william

Bottom line - you are a great, gorgeous girl that wants the feedback that you deserve. Not a bad thing. I have a fiance that I think is the greatest. Now here's the deal - she's always telling me how bad (ugly) she looks, and I disagree. Sometimes it's more about the total package. Some can see beyond that, some can't. Pehaps your b/f knows this? Life is about living. Live it. Enjoy it.

tecoyah

Some males do not understand, or care to see the hidden needs of women. Attribute this to whatever you wish, but it is real. Some women require no affirmation of the beauty they possess, mental or physical. If these two meet, they would be happy for the most part. Then there is the other 99% of meetings between lovers.

If you want more compliments from him.....tell him, but do not hold the inevitable grudge of forcing this affirmation from him. Its either that or accept him for what he is.....or move on.

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

maleficent

Why are you with him then if this bothers you so much? It's the little things that cause a relationship to fail, and well... this is more than a little thing for you.

you've got to decide for yourself whether this shortcoming of his outweighs the good stuff.

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OFKU0

Should a woman expect positive attention from her significant other? If it is a problem for that person than I would think so. When I have or continue to offer compliments to others I've been involved with, it has been within the premise of being impressed enough to offer a compliment. Compliments for the sake of compliments are cheap. Expecting or thinking that one deserves compliments for whatever reason are even cheaper.

And if you think he is taking you for granted then obviously there is some sort of a communication breakdown. Have you spoken to him and expressed your concerns? Maybe he can better explain why he compliments others rather than you. Coming from him would probably be better than it coming from someone on this forum.

I think you expect too much. It is no ones job to make you feel anything, be it attractive, happy, or whatever. That's your job. If you expect that from your fiance or anyone else, you need to dig deep and find why you feel that way.

__________________
" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

Sage

When people find the person that "they want to spend the rest of their lives with" sometimes they expect that person to automatically fill every "need" that they have- friendship, sex, love, self-esteem, etc. You can't expect one person to "complete" you, because it's impossible. If you are basing your entire existence off of one person and their opnion of you, you're going to have a miserable life. I know- I've done it. What happens on days when he's upset at something that has nothing to do with you? You're going to be miserable too.

Have you TALKED to your fiancee about this? Communication is everything. Personally, I think you're reading way way too much into this incident. If you expected him to pick you because you picked him, without telling him that, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Your fiancee is not a mind reader- don't expect him to be one. You need to COMMUNICATE.

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JustJess

Okay, I'm about to be REALLY honest, and I don't know if you want to hear it. If not, you may wish to skip this post.

I don't think you're being oversensitive or overemotional in the slightest. You may be overreacting to specific incidents, but that is common and understandable after seeing such a trend overall.

In my personal life and observations, I find that actions speak very loudly - including the action of complimenting. I know that I am far from perfect, but my SO makes me feel beautiful and sexy by his words AND his actions. Does yours at least make you feel good by his physical actions during sex? Does he kiss you for no reason? Is it ONLY the verbal missing, or is there no physical appreciation either?
If there ARE "physical compliments" occuring, then I would also attribute this to a communication issue, and try to have a discussion and break the cycle of inaction/no change.
If there aren't any physical compliments occuring, I would leave him. I'm not kidding in the slightest. To me, that says he thinks he's settling for what he can get. He thinks other women are beautiful, but too beautiful for him to obtain, and you're "as good as he's going to get". You don't deserve that kind of bullshit and you should be with someone who knows you are as wonderful as you think they are. If this is the case, he does not appreciate you the way that you should be appreciated. "Chubby" is no reason to accept less than that.
You should be able to feel beautiful in your own confidence, and have that feeling supported and confirmed by your SO. If he does not/cannot do so verbally or physically (and I'm being generous to him to allow only one of those, it should be both for the average mental health) then he shouldn't get to have you.

__________________
My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

abaya

Yep, I agree. This is a major issue, not one to be brushed away by being "oversensitive." This kind of stuff will make-it or break-it, in my view.

Jess, you said this beautifully... words ARE a part of actions, at least in my book. I think that yes, if he is trying to compliment you physically, at least you have that to build on... his heart is there, but he just doesn't have the skills to affirm you verbally (since that is one of your needs). Those skills can be learned. But if he isn't giving you any affirmation, then definitely cut your losses and hit the road. He is not right for you and is wasting your time and energy when you could find someone who is a much better fit for you.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Ustwo

As a male who has been with the same woman for 13 or so years, married to her for the last 7, I think Sage is right on the money here.

There may be issues here, but I think a major one is your apparent low self esteem.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

JustJess

Rant/
I must take issue with all of you claiming twinkle has self esteem issues. To be aware that one is 20 lbs overweight, i.e. “chubby”, doesn’t mean she automatically has self esteem problems. It does mean she’s aware of her self, faults and all. It’s not easy to be comfortable with yourself knowing that you’re overweight (or in my case, horrifyingly out of shape), but just because she doesn’t look like a supermodel doesn’t mean she’s not sleeping nights or whatever.

Now, of course I know she could have such issues, but posters are using this possibility to invalidate her instincts and feelings. Even IF she does have self esteem problems, that doesn’t mean her SO isn’t wrong to not give support/compliments. If she does in fact have self esteem issues, it’s even worse. People are supposed to support their SO’s, especially after 2 years!!! So please stop making his inattention and rudeness her fault – it’s not.
/end rant

__________________
My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

abaya

/jumps on Jess' ranting bandwagon.

Telling someone that they have self-esteem issues is the opposite of helping that person. Whether or not they have those issues, telling them this straight-out can only make them feel worse.

Feelings are feelings, and they are valid. We on TFP are generally good about seeing things this way; even if someone is being completely irrational, we give them space to feel and express that.

I don't think one should depend on someone else to make one happy, either. HOWEVER: in a relationship, there is a certain expectation to help the other person to know that they are loved, supported, cared for, affirmed. That is not dependancy, that's being in love and expressing it, physically AND verbally. If the OP is not getting what she needs after two years, she needs to leave and find it elsewhere.

/end rant

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Janey

From my perpsective, sounds like your fiance has some maturity issues, if he is doling out such crass compliments to others in front of you. These seem to be more like he's wearing his libido on his sleeve, and you are his squeeze.

on the other hand, now that you've pointed out to him his lack of attention, perhaps he feels embarrassed, and would feel that any compliment he gives now you wont believe because quote "you're making him do it" . He may in fact be self conscious of giving you a compliment.


But I know myself that I would not appreciate his rather crude observations of other women in your company...

lindseylatch

So, I'm lazy, and I didn't read all the replies, so sorry if I'm repeating what someone already said.

I think guys don't realize that we need constant reassurance. Like, maybe they feel that if they told us two months ago that our ass is fine, then we shouldn't need to hear it again. Sorry, guys, that is definitely not the case. Keep telling us about our perfect ass and face and body and personality (you like how I put that last?).

I have a little self-esteem problems, but the weekly comments about my sexiness definitely make me feel better. I don't base my WHOLE self-image on what my boyfriend thinks of me, but it is a factor. If I think he doesn't find me sexy, then I feel like shit. Cause I want to please him. And one way for him to indicate that in a way that i will definitely get is to give verbal compliments.

__________________
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."
"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."
-Voltaire

abaya

Well said, Lindsey. I know there are many women out there who are 100% confident in themselves and don't need any verbal reassurances from anyone, and I suppose there are even a few men out there who are that confident. As someone else said, though, for the other 99% of the world... REPETITION IS GOOD. For both men and women. It certainly doesn't do any harm, and helps us all just get along.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

twinkle

Oh golly. For the last time. I don't have a self-esteem issue. That's a pretty dismissive thing to say, and attempts to absolve him of any responsibility. Which isn't really fair.

I am not asking him to validate me. I am asking him to cherish me a little --- at least to the degree that he's verbally admiring of other females. That's it.

I can't possibly answer everything everyone has said. What I can tell you is, I have talked to my fiance about this for the second (possibly third) time, and his answer is still the same: I am sorry. I don't know why I do it. Which doesn't help.

He is physically affectionate, and all-around nice to me --- just completely silent about anything that has to do with my appearance.

This is not an all-consuming issue that occupies my every waking moment. As I said in the very first line: Not a deal breaker. I just posted because I was curious on what the opinion of people who were totally removed from the situation was (knowing that it's impossible for anyone to really say exactly why, since there are way too many variables). I guess I just wanted someone else's take. And now I have a few.

So... thanks.

Ustwo

If your thoughts are why does he complement other women, takes photos of them but not me, and mentions being over weight, it sounds like a self esteme issue is involved. I'm not saying is some deep, dark, life crippling thing, but its there. He is not helping it any, and that he needs to work on.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Sage

When you first posted, twinkle, what you said made it seem like your fiancee never paid any attention to you. Now that you have explained that he is physically affectionate and nice to you, it sounds like he just needs a jump start in the compliment department. Totally ok. I would still say that communication is your best path in this, as in all things.

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stingc

For me - and I presume many other men - giving random compliments is not a natural thing to do. We remind ourselves to do it early on in a relationship because women like it, but then forget about it later on. That doesn't mean that the same feelings aren't still there. No matter how great someone looks, it simply never enters my mind to mind to tell them that.

Lindseylatch gave part of the reason. We generally feel that once we've said something once, that's enough. Also, simply staying with someone and acting affectionate should be (in our eyes) a more than adequate replacement for random compliments. I'm not saying that you just have to accept your situation, but I hope this helps you understand it a little more.

Another thing is that making comments about other people is completely different than making comments to them (with exceptions allowed for situations where artificial politeness is required).

KinkyKiwi

sweetie, you taotally deserve compliments. if hes not giving you what you deserve then why not find somone else who will? also...like does he show hes attracted to you in other ways? like sexually/contact ..you make it sound liek hes "friendly" but it doesnt sound like someone whos getting married. and also..while biznatch tells me how beautiful i am all the time..sometimes when i want one and he isnt giving i prod a little..the next time he tells me how great i look right away.

__________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

twinkle

But... he doesn't say it, or anything, at all.

Perhaps I haven't been clear --- he makes them both about and TO other women.

And, I would never leave him over this. And I have talked to him about it. Like I said, just wanted insight.

For those who are saying that his complimenting/fixating on other women shouldn't bother me... I guess I'm not buying the "it's my problem, not his". I don't feel it's appropriate or even sensible to make a bigger fuss over another woman than you do over your significant other.

twinkle

We have a lot of sex. Lots and lots. This silence on his part is just one thing that doesn't fit. and compiled with the rest of the package (he is loving), it seems like even more of a glaring omission.

I have tried the gentle prodding, and the complimenting him. I compliment him like ten times a day, and I mean everything I say. But in return? Nada. Silence.

maleficent

Why are you allowing yourself to be treated in a way that you don't think is appropriate?

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cellophanedeity

When my love and I go out, we often compliment and oggle other people. He'd rather look at pictures of other women, and quite often, I'd rather look at other people too! We're both quite aware of this, but we're still happy. He's a down to earth sort of guy, and so he doesn't tell me things like "you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." They're just not true. Both of us know damn well that though he thinks I'm beautiful, others may be better. He's beautiful, but others may be better too!

But, there is way more to you and I than our appearances. We are a package deal, and even though our wrappings may not be as shiny as the next, we've got the whole damn thing going on! And that's why smart boys choose ladies like us. He chose you, and he wants to keep you for life! Don't worry about the pretty girls, that's all they'll be to him.

Though, if he doesn't complement you and you want to hear it, talk to him about it. Tell him that it makes you question yourself, or whatever it makes you feel, and ask him to be a bit more vocal with his love. Perhaps if you were to up the ante on what you say to him it could help encourage him. Also, I'd suggest complementing other guys when you're with him, and see how it feels for the both of you.

And Twinkle, from experience, if you ever need an ego boost, just post a pic here and you'll get all the boost one girl could stand! (I know you're still a rookie, but keep posting! You'll get more access soon enough!)

abaya

Does he say anything during sex? How does he turn you on? Does he make noises, or anything that expresses his desire for you, for your body?

I know that for me, verbal stuff during sex is really good for turning me on... and making me feel loved. Even when my bf doesn't remember to compliment me, he almost always does during sex... verbal is so huge for me, it can turn me from a horrible mood into a very sexy mood.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Sage

You keep saying over and over that this isn't that big of a deal, and then you keep posting and saying how annoying/hurtful/much of an issue(within yourself, at least) it is. Anything that bugs you after two years will annoy the hell out of you after ten. And yes, you two have a lot of sex now, but how will you feel once the sex goes away and he still doesn't compliment you? Or when you have kids and he doesn't compliment you? Part of marriage is loving and respecting each other throughout the marriage, droopy breasts and strech marks and Viagra and all. You really need to communicate with your fiancee about this, and I don't mean just reminding him to compliment you and him then forgetting. Have you thought about premarital counseling? Not only will it help you two overcome this difference, but it will prepare you for what being married will be like, which is something everyone can use.

__________________

twinkle

He says nothing during sex. Ever. I have never received anything remotely resembling a compliment from him in regards to my body, naked or otherwise. He moans when I touch him, and that's about it.

To cellophanedeity: I have never been one to windowshop, people-wise. I don't ogle or "check out" people, because love for me is an emotional attachment and I just don't get turned on from looks alone. And no, I don't think anyone is better looking than my fiance, because I'm in love with him and that makes him the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen. So I can't relate in any way.

To maleficent, who asked why am I allowing myself to be treated this way: How am I allowing it? I've talked to him about it several times. I'm certainly not going to break up with him because of this; he's great in every other department. I'm all for taking a hard line on poor treatment, but like I've said twice now, this is not a make-or-break issue.

It isn't a huge deal. Like I said, I wanted feedback. Or to know if anyone had any experience that could help. For those of you who are still suggesting communication or talking to him about it, I've already talked to him about it, a couple times, and it has not helped. I don't mean just mentioning it in passing, but rather in-depth conversations.

Counselling is not an option right now, financially speaking.

abaya

^ Does either of you have insurance for counseling? Most benefits-plans have something for this... and the company never knows. For me, counseling would be about $15 a week of my own money... to me, that's a few lattes and a DVD rental... surely worth investing in, for the sake of this area of your life?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

uptown

You know, you sit here and openly admit to being at least 20 pounds overweight and in the same breath complain because your man doesn't compliment you.

Did you ever stop to think that perhaps this guy loves all your other wonderful qualities but that maybe he's not thrilled about your weight ? He probably is afraid to say anything for fear that whatever he comes up with will be taken/perceived either in a negative way or as permission to not lose the weight or to gain even more down the road when kids come along.When you don't know what to say saying nothing at all is often perceived by men as the only route to take. It sounds like he loves you and simply doesn't want to hurt you cause if hurting you/being rude was his objective he'd be sitting there comparing you to other women to your face.

If you'd like more compliments from him, why not do the work needed to lose weight and get into better shape ? I just know that you'll feel totally awesome being your fitest
and it will give you a real shot of confidence... and the compliments from your man will be real, from the heart and not forced.

KinkyKiwi

he probably met her and fell in love with her when she was this weight...not that weight should matter..if you love someone you should be attracted to the PERSON and the persons BODY...

twinkle...it sounds as thou he may not be as interested at someone your about to marry should be. teh sex may be an easy solution to him and you deserve wayy better. you deserve to be with someone who finds you sexy and amazing inside and out. it doesnt seem that he gives you that.

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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

Sage

I still don't understand why you say in one breath that it's not a big deal and in the other breath keep coming to TFP saying "He never compliments me, we've had in-depth conversations about it, he's never said anything good about my body."

This man has never ever told you you were beautiful in his eyes. This is a HUGE red flag to me, because it seems he's just with you for the stability and not for the beauty and wonderfulness that is twinkle.

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