Need advice desperately! - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Rudel73 · 05-03-2005, 07:17 PM

Ok this story is complicated...and i guess its not really about me i just care for this person a lot and she calls me crying and i dont know what to do!

so here goes

Ok so ill name her "girl" she was in a relation ship with "ex" for about 2 and a half years, "ex" has been known to be unstable and at times has exhibited suicidal behavior, cut himself, etc etc.... this was before he was with her... and sorta during when they had small breaks. Anyways, "girl" and "ex" have been broken up for about 4-5 months now, "ex" can not let her go. He calls her at least 2-3 times everyday, constantly asks to hang out with her, constantly asks to get back together etc etc.... "girl" gets extremely annoyed by "ex" thinks everything "ex" does is annoying she gets in a bad mood just being around him because hes constantly immature and always has a negative attitude. but "girl" still cares very deeply for "ex" so she cannot just let him go..."ex" writes her nasty letters blaming her for all of his problems, "girl" thinks everything is her fault, its her fault hes so depressed etc etc ... she finally snapped tonight and called me completely crying she could barely talk ... said she doesnt know what to do anymore and i didnt know what to say!! he is always upset and she thinks its her fault...

Sorry if that is confusing, if you have any questions ill make sure and respond as fast as possible to help you understand the problem...

la petite moi · 05-03-2005, 07:24 PM

Firstly, I would kindly ask you to use puncutation, to clarify things.

However, from what I can make out, my advice to her is this: accept that 'ex' is mentally unstable, and stop responding completely. She should get on with her life (surround herself with friends that will positively influence her, get into a new hobby, etc), so he can perhaps get on with his. If she truly cares about him, she won't "egg him on" by reacting to his negative letters.

Lead543 · 05-03-2005, 07:31 PM

If she cares for "ex" she's gonna have to cut ties. The thing about mentally unstable ex's is that if you give them an inch. cliché cliché. But it's true. Answering his phone calls, hanging out with him, taking his letters makes him think he has a chance. Assure her it's not her fault, this guy has issues and if you replaced her with any other girl the exact same thing would happen. I'd encourage her to cut him off, before he ends up doing something really harmful.

maleficent · 05-03-2005, 07:49 PM

What it sounds like she's got is a co-dependent relationship and she doesn't want to let it go, and by her calling you all the time, and unloading on you, she is sucking you into this relationship.

You can't really help her, she has to help herself. Do some googling on codependency, there's tons of information out there, and i'd bet one or two hunder online support groups.

She has to put her foot down, and say to him no more. How many times does she call you filling you in on the antics of this fellow? That's gotta stop to, you are making it too easy for her to not break away from it.

ontheroad · 05-03-2005, 08:32 PM

fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

05-03-2005, 07:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
Rudel73 Psycho	Need advice desperately! Ok this story is complicated...and i guess its not really about me i just care for this person a lot and she calls me crying and i dont know what to do! so here goes Ok so ill name her "girl" she was in a relation ship with "ex" for about 2 and a half years, "ex" has been known to be unstable and at times has exhibited suicidal behavior, cut himself, etc etc.... this was before he was with her... and sorta during when they had small breaks. Anyways, "girl" and "ex" have been broken up for about 4-5 months now, "ex" can not let her go. He calls her at least 2-3 times everyday, constantly asks to hang out with her, constantly asks to get back together etc etc.... "girl" gets extremely annoyed by "ex" thinks everything "ex" does is annoying she gets in a bad mood just being around him because hes constantly immature and always has a negative attitude. but "girl" still cares very deeply for "ex" so she cannot just let him go..."ex" writes her nasty letters blaming her for all of his problems, "girl" thinks everything is her fault, its her fault hes so depressed etc etc ... she finally snapped tonight and called me completely crying she could barely talk ... said she doesnt know what to do anymore and i didnt know what to say!! he is always upset and she thinks its her fault... Sorry if that is confusing, if you have any questions ill make sure and respond as fast as possible to help you understand the problem...

05-03-2005, 07:49 PM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	What it sounds like she's got is a co-dependent relationship and she doesn't want to let it go, and by her calling you all the time, and unloading on you, she is sucking you into this relationship. You can't really help her, she has to help herself. Do some googling on codependency, there's tons of information out there, and i'd bet one or two hunder online support groups. She has to put her foot down, and say to him no more. How many times does she call you filling you in on the antics of this fellow? That's gotta stop to, you are making it too easy for her to not break away from it. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

05-03-2005, 08:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
ontheroad Upright Location: wherever i feel alive	fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff __________________ under the spreading chestnut tree, i sold you and you sold me Last edited by ontheroad; 12-13-2006 at 07:52 PM..

05-03-2005, 07:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	Firstly, I would kindly ask you to use puncutation, to clarify things. However, from what I can make out, my advice to her is this: accept that 'ex' is mentally unstable, and stop responding completely. She should get on with her life (surround herself with friends that will positively influence her, get into a new hobby, etc), so he can perhaps get on with his. If she truly cares about him, she won't "egg him on" by reacting to his negative letters.

05-03-2005, 07:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
Lead543 Registered User Location: Calgary	If she cares for "ex" she's gonna have to cut ties. The thing about mentally unstable ex's is that if you give them an inch. cliché cliché. But it's true. Answering his phone calls, hanging out with him, taking his letters makes him think he has a chance. Assure her it's not her fault, this guy has issues and if you replaced her with any other girl the exact same thing would happen. I'd encourage her to cut him off, before he ends up doing something really harmful.