blktour

Ok im sorry if this doesnt go here..

Well i have this friend. i am 21 years old.. and we have been friends since 2nd grade. and we dated in elementary (lol funny huh?) and then in junior high twice. so we didnt talk in high school ( i guess i was "too busy")but we did talk on and off.. every once in a while after highschool so now here i am..
one day i decided to call her.. ( i work at a phone company so i looked up her number since we both didnt have eachothers number.. ) so we started talking and we kicked it off really good.! She said she was happy that i went out of my way to find her number so i dont feel so bad for "stalking" now i asked why she never wanted to talk to me before and she said that she didnt want to get my now ex girlfriend jealous because my ex was a real jealous type.. (done with that though.) So i tell her that she is out of my life now and so she was HAPPY FOR ME! lol.. so we have talked for about 2 weeks and she calls me everyday! and she calls when she says she is going to call. she calls me everyday on her lunch and everyday when she gets home. Now this girl is great! she can relate to me.. and knows how i am, we like the same things and we joke around and get along great.

Now, she has a kid that is 5months old and the dad is out of her life. He is paying child support but he is not in her or the childs life.
we talk about what we are gonna do in the future and alot of the things we say match up. So that just gets me thinking about me and her together.
is that wrong?
now her family loves me and all the men she has been with have been bad guys. So i go over to her home one day and her mother and grandmother say that they love me and that i was the sweetest guy that ever met her. that felt good.
Everyone in elementry school and in junior high, and high school and my family and her family say that we will end up getting married!
so i brought it up and said, "Desteny! we need to get married so everyone can have their wish!" she said. "i know huh? everyone says we will get married so we might as well do it!"
now im sure that she was joking but who knows.
I just wanted everyones advice. i really dont know what i should do?
she is my friend and i like that but i would like try to be with her, but im not sure if she is for it. I dont know how to bring it up as to not make her feel uncomfortable and i dont want to be shot down, because that would feel akward to be her friend.

so what do you all think?

ratbastid

Why fight it? The stars are lined up for the two of you. You're falling into the "analysis paralysis" trap. Stop thinking about it and DO SOMETHING. Why are you asking US how she feels? You should be talking to HER.

Only thing: how do you feel about the 5-month-old. Could you handle being an instant daddy? Because IMO, the kid is the most important part of this.

blktour

that isnt a problem at all. I love kids and i want kids! The kid isnt mine but if he grows up with me he will be. I dont have a problem with the kid not "being" mine.

maleficent

Well, I'm gonna put on my old and and say 21 is a little young to really think about getting married... you've got the rest of your life for that... but ... the teeny part of myself that is still romantic says if it's right.. it's right and you will know...

You have to do what's right for you, first and foremost. Because it's right for you, not because it would make other people happy. Your job is not to make other people happy, only yourself - if the by product of that is other people's happiness then you've got a bonus.

Marry this woman because you love her and you can't imagine the rest of your life without her. Don't marry her because she's convenient and it will make other people happy and worst reason of all because you love her child. (Her child is a part of her -- and you can't love the mom without loving the kid - -but the love of the mom has to be there.

Heart to heart talk with her is your first and best option though.

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blktour

i understand that im too young to be thinking about marriage but i do like the girl alot.i just want the opportunity to show her that i am a great guy and that she would be happy with me. i do like her family and her son. I am not doing it other than for myself. I am not trying to make anyone else happy. like you said though.. if others are happy when im happy then that is a plus.
im young but i would like to settle down and find a girl to share my life with.
i dont like to be out partying all the dang time!!
Thanks maleficent.. ...... good i did feel the old on that one.

maleficent

Maybe I'm not reading as carefully as I should... I'm not seeing where you say that you love this woman from the bottom of your toes...


I'm getting deja vu on this -- I swear there's been a very similar thread in here...

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skysooner

I agree with Maleficent. Sometimes you just have this comfortable feeling because you are around someone that has been a part of your history. That is nice and all, but it doesn't begin to approach the kind of love that you need to make it through the long-term. It is a nice start though. At least you two know what each other's baggage is (for the most part). Call her and go on dates. The only way you are really going to know if this is going to work is to see if you two can get those romantic feelings kindled in each other. By romantic feelings, I'm talking about that acceptance and true love for each other that is deep down. Seeing fireworks around someone is good, but you two may know each other too well for this to happen. In my experience, those fireworks generally only happen early in a relationship, and they basically mean squat to whether a relationship will last or not. Good luck with this.

Cynthetiq

sometimes we get caught up in the romance of the story.

been friends prior in life, meet up again, etc.

happened to my mother in law, and she's now in the process of divorce. She was so enamored about the "romantic story" that they didn't look at the practical aspects of their relationship like living together, common goals and lifestyles.

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desal75

I would say go for it. Better to have loved and lost...

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The Man in Black fled across the desert and the Gunslinger followed.

Autumn.to.Ashes

Am I the only one that doesn't even understand the question here? Everything seems fine from your account. Just let things progress at its own pace. Whats the question/problem? Or are you looking for re-assurance?

blktour

Maybe there are other ways that i dont see and maybe others can help me look at this from a different perspective...??
Should i go for it and see how it goes?

should i leave it alone since she is a really good friend?

just wanting to know how everyone feels about this situation, also i just wanted to share, because in the end i will do what i feel is right by me.

ratbastid

I was 21 when lurkette and i got married. Of course, we'd been together four years by then...