Bunnybear

This sorta thread has probably been done before.... but I searched and couldn't find what I want. This is towards the women here mostly.

I'm a virgin(I consider myself one because rape doesn't count). Going to the gyno has been painful for me because of the procedure. I know it'll be nothing like rape because that was beyond painful, but that thought of that pain still lingers.



I have never fingered myself, it's too painful.
I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years, going on 3, known him for even longer. I want to have sex with him more than anything, but I'm scared of the pain.

So what I'm asking is if some women can tell me what the pain will be like from their experience, I know its different for everyone, but it'll give me piece of mind.

I know it's gonna hurt... I just wanna know how much and for how long (like I said earlier, its different for everyone but.... but for piece of mind).

maleficent

If going to the GYN is painful, most doctors have a smaller speclum that they can use, you just have to tell them.

If fingering yourself is painful, I suspect that the pain is more emotional than physical. This is something that you might want to mention to your doctor.

I'm guessing you've had counseling to deal with the rape, but have you accepted it yourself, that it wasnt your fault, you did nothing to deserve it, and tried to get on with your life.

Some of the pain from fingering might be lack of lubrication. Try a good lube and give it a shot again, and see if it feels differently.

The more relaxed you are, the less painful the experience will be, if you are tense and expecting to be "run thru" with a sword... then you can be darn sure it's gonna hurt. Don't worry so much about the pain, instead think about how the experience, if you are truly ready (and really ask yourself that) will bring you closer to your boyfriend.

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Bunnybear

I'm through with counseling as I have found it has made me worse by keeping unwanted memories around. Since I've stopped, I've been much better and it's never ever on my mind now.

The pain is from penetration, when it stretches. Emotional? I never thought of that actually. I bet you're right. I will talk to her when she comes back, she just had a baby.

I have to wear panty liners all the time otherwise my panties will get ruined, and when I'm turned on there's even more. I have no access to lube or anything of that nature.

It hurt when the doctor put her fingers in as well. Then again, I was really nervous, so I'm sure I brought it on to myself, then.

dirtyrascal7

bingo.

if you're nervous about being penetrated, then it will be a lot worse the first time you're with your boyfriend. you NEED to learn to relax about it... so i'd start small and work up to it.

start with fingering yourself... but make sure you're relaxed. don't think about your finger going inside of you, don't even watch when you do it... just lay back and think about something else that makes you happy. eventually you'll get more used to having something in there, both physically and emotionally... and then it won't be so painful when you are ready to be with your boyfriend. don't rush it though... it will take time.

ironmaiden7o7

Darling, don't worry too much. If you are in love with your boyfriend, it won't be as painful. It will be more like pressure than pain. Try not to think about it too much and if this is what you want, do it without any regrets. Foreplay will get you very excited. My remember my first time, it was very emotional, it was not that painful, it was more pressure than anything. It's all about you being comfortable and until you don't feel that you are 100% comfortable with yourself, your relationship and your boyfriend, don't do it or you will have regrets later. Good luck with this.

lindseylatch

Orgasming before intercourse can help loosen things up.

I would definitely try to get my hands on some lube if I could. That stuff is a Godsend...I'm also pretty naturally lubed, but I'm WAY too tight to not use lube. It would be torture. Could you maybe mail-order it? A lot of places will just ship it in a plain brown wrapper.

The first time hurt like and SOB for me, but that's because I had an unusually thick hymen. Since then, it's been good, as long as we take it slow at first, and let me adjust. And no ribbed condoms...Ugh, that was NO good.

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wolf

If you don't have access to lube, then there is always oral sex, that will help loosen things up. No, I'm not a woman, but used to work in the medical field, and I'm married to a woman, which helps to get some experience. Good luck, take things slow.

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snowy

All great answers.

I'll throw in my two cents by saying people underestimate the power of anxiety. If you're nervous or tense about something, your vagina will reflect that by becoming tighter. It's a muscle. You have to learn how to relax. Easier said than done, I'm sure...but relaxing is one of the most important pieces to enjoying sexual experience.

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Snakedance

Being male I have "limited" experience with the situation. I had a very good friend that was raped when she was fourteen. I met her a couple of years after that and she told me of the rape and it was and probably be the most traumatic thing that will ever happen to her. We were never romantically involved, but we were close and she always discussed things with me including the fact that she was going to save herself for marriage...nothing unusual for me to understand. When she got married she began having problems. Consumation of her marriage was a horrible experience. The technical term I believe was vagismus. Basically a spasm of all the vaginal muscles that prevented penetration of even the smallest object. The therapy consisted of a loving husband that understood the problem (he hadn't known about the rape). Once he understood the problem and was willing to slow down they were able to work thru the problem. The problem is not a physical problem, but that doesnt make it hurt or spasm any less. Its root cause is anxiety (as mentioned) and a physical respone to a traumatic scar of the psyche.

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