Aladdin Sane

Go to your gynocologist today. Sex shouldn't hurt, shouldn't burn, shouldn't be uncomfortable.

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

la petite moi

I have been to my gynocologist when I was having the same troubles. I finally really decided to get a pap smear for that reason. Nothing wrong, when she checked.

maleficent

For the burning symptom, that could be a lot of different things, I'd specifically mention that to the doctor. A pap smear will only show specific things, if you don't bring up concerns, they do go untreated because the doctor doesn't know to look for them.

the burning could be a latex allergy -- are you using condoms? Did you have the burning while you were on birth control and not using condoms? Try switching to lambskin or latex free condoms. There are also instances I've read about where the burning is caused by an allergy to semen. But I'd think you'd notice that if he ejaculated on your somewhere.

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la petite moi

We have used condoms and it just intensifies the burning. I'm not allergic to his semen because he comes on my body all the time. I typically feel the burning...I'd say...7/10 times we have sex. Typically, its more of a bruising feel, like we've been having wild rigourous sex (when we really haven't).

Hardknock

Have you thought about a second opinion? If your regular gyno says that there's nothing wrong and it STILL hurts and burns, that makes me suspicious. I think I remember reading that you're currently on depo? My wife was on it for a while and her sex drive went through the floor. Mabye a diferent brand of the pill?

Aladdin Sane

nwlinkvxd, welcome to the real world of women. Many, if not most, get very little pleasure from vaginal stilulation. It's a fact. It's the odd one that gets anything out of ordinary thrusting, and one in a million who can cum from it. I've been married 16 years. Not once in 16 years has my wife orgasmed from the "old in-out." She comes from oral, from masturbation (with or without a vibrator), but never from penetration alone. Sometimes she craves having me inside her if she's real worked up. But no fireworks from it.

It took me a long time to accept this fact of life. But now that I have, my wife enjoys sex more, and she orgasms regularly-- almost every time we go at it-- from oral or from our toys.

Don't fret about masturbating while LPM is in the next room. It's no big deal. I masturbate, and so does my wife. It doesn't demenish our sex life. It's separate from what we do together. We are both okay with that.

Have you every listened to the radio program Loveline, with Adam and Dr. Drew? I recommend you both listen to it together. The "problem" of women not cumming from fucking comes up often on that program. It's quite ordinary, especially among young women (less than 27).

LPM's pain and discomfort during sex needs to be addressed. How long has she had pain during intercourse? Did she have pain before the two of you started having sex?

She must go to another gyno for a second opinion. Pain is nature's signal that something is wrong. She's got something wrong. If you use rubbers, she could be allergic. If you use the pill, maybe she needs a different kind. Maybe she's got an infection, or an STD. Most likely it's something very easy to cure.

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

la petite moi

Sorry, Aladdin, it made me laugh when you brought up STD's. nwlinkvxd is the only person I've had sex with.

I have listened to Loveline. Always used to when I was a kid. Great show.

I have had pain since I started having sex. It really hasn't subsided.

maleficent

Switch to a non-latex condom... see if that helps. Latex allergies are pretty common and burning is the sensation felt.

But I'd also concur on the second opinion. Write down all that you are feeling before you go to the doctor. She/he is often rushed and you need to be a little assertive in getting your problems addressed. By writing them down, you won't forget them.

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Aladdin Sane

Sorry LPM, I didn't mean to offend. Just trying to think of the possibilities.

So if you listen to Loveline, you should know that penetration isn't every girls favorite activity. Stop being so hard on yourself.

How long ago did you start having sex? It takes time to adjust to it. My first girlfriend hurt for a long time before she started to enjoy it.

Once again, I say you should get a second opinion from another gyno. Did you tell your doctor about the pain and burning? What did she tell you to do? Any suggestions?

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

la petite moi

I do need to go to the doctor's but it's insanely hard to motivate myself. I find myself exhausted at the day's end when there is school and work and my family's shit to put up with. I just don't motivate myself enough to truly fix it, I guess. I'm just too lazy. ( God dammit, I'm one of those kids I freaking hate.)

We started having sex....around 18 months ago. So a year and six months? That's awhile, I think.

About penetration, it's not that I'm being hard on myself. Its just I REALLY want to have internal orgasms, because I have read how mindblowing they are. Also, I don't wanna always have to use my vibrator or finger to slowly get myself off. I wanna use his body to get myself off, in essence.

Oh, and you didn't offend...it was just funny.

insidious_machinae

This message has been deleted.

MoonDog

My recommendations:

1) Get another opinion from a different OB/GYN, and specifically mention the issues you encounter while having sex.
2) If you are uncomfortable with that, maybe call that sex show on the Oxygen Network, with Su whats-her-name. She seems to have useful advice too.

You are not alone. Others have had, have, and will have this problem, so there are solutions, or at least explanations.

Martel

I seem to recall reading a post from you, LPM, that you used to be really horny before you started taking whatever kind of birth control you are taking now, but ever since you started it you haven't been horny at all. Let me say this:

Birth control can be a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE libido killer! If you want to talk to someone who has experienced the very same exact thing, PM my wife Sage. When she went on the NuvaRing her libido just absolutely tanked and she went from feeling like she didn't like sex at all to feeling like she wished she wanted to have sex more but still didn't to feeling like she wanted to have sex with me just because she knew it was tough on me to go for a long time without. And now that she got off the NuvaRing, guess what?

She wants sex ALLLL the time.

Seriously. Get some different birth control. Just try it for a while and see if it doesn't help you a LOT. Maybe even try getting off of it entirely. You've got nothing to lose; if you're currently totally un-interested in sex at all then taking birth control doesn't do you much good, now does it?

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Anamnesis

cellophanedeity

A lot of women don't like penetrative sex. A lot of guys REALLY like penatrative sex (I've yet to meet one that doesn't!) But you still have options to have you both come while trying to figure out how to get the penetration going!

LPD, When you give nwlinkvxd oral sex, do you try and put the entire shaft into your mouth, or just the head? I find that my gag reflex is a bit too strong to have my Love's dick all the way down my throat more than a couple of thrusts at a time, so I focus mainly on stimulating the head with my mouth. There's more nerves there, and you can use your hand and some flavoured lube (I suggest Oh My!'s cheesecake flavours) to work his shaft.

Then at the same time (or after, or before, or all of the above) nwlinkvxd can give you some clit stimulation.

Also, as Martel says, Depo Provera has a bit of a reputation for lowering libido, so you may want to try an alternate method of birth control as well.

Sage

YOU'RE ON THE DEPO! JESUS THAT'S FUCKING WITH YOUR HORMONES LIKE APESHIT!

/rant

Seriously, tho, hon, you're young, your body isn't done filling itself out. Don't fuck with it like crazy by going on depo- you're on a constant hormone high for three months straight. That's enough to put ANYONE out of whack, but you being so young, it's doubly so. Do some internet searches about depo and libido- you're not alone.

Go back to this gynecologist, list of problems/concerns in hand. Tell her about the libido killer, tell her about the pain, tell her about your psych problems. If she doesn't listen, or doesn't seem to care, tell her where she can stick it and keep searching for a gyno that DOES listen.

Do you guys end up using lube instead of your natural vaginal moisture? If you aren't getting too aroused then I'd imagine so- the burning could, in a great probability, come from the lube. I know that I've used some lubes that hurt like hell, but one that I REALLY REALLY like is O'My natural lube.

Thirdly, part of the reason you're being so hard on yourself is the hormones- they will fuck with your mind like no end. LPM- you're young, you owe it to yourself and your future husband to get out there and fix this! You CAN enjoy sex, you CAN have an internal orgasm, and you CAN get over this! It takes loving yourself, loving nwlinkvxd, and believing that you can overcome it. I know you can- I've done it myself.

PLEASE, LOVE YOURSELF AND GO GET THEE TO A GYNO ASAP!! Take your list, get it fixed! I'd bet $100 that it's the depo, and you can press me to that if it isn't!

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la petite moi

Sage, what should I go on then?

la petite moi

Well, we've talked and talked and talked. And I guess we've come to a conclusion:

We stop having sex for however long. Next time I make the appointment to get my depo shot, I'll instead ask for the nuvaring. We won't have sex until I start my period and put the nuvaring in or whatever...And then hopefully that can fix things.

About the burning, I'm not sure what can fix that, but we still have lots of time to figure it out. At least if I have my libido back, it won't hurt as bad and I'll actually be more willing.

visotech

Just a thought, maybe there is some kind of desensitizing lube or something you can use to ease the pain? And while your having intercourse mabey your boyfriend can pay attention to your clit and thrusting at the same time (i know its hard, its almost like rubbing your tummy and patting your head at the same time), but it can be done.

lindseylatch

So, I also have pain during sex, basically it's the exact same thing you have. The second gyno I saw said it was a condition where basically your vagina is smaller than usual. I can't remember the name...Portal something? Grrr.
Anyways, I've seen two other people since who haven't even mention this, and just checked for bladder infection and yeast infection.
Her advice was hydrocortizone cream, but apparently that is REALLY no good on the vaginal area, so I'm not sure why she recomended it...Unfortunately, it was through the campus medical center, so it's really hard to get the same doc twice.
Anyways, my point, if you go back to the gyno, ask about this condition. They should know what it is, but may not have thought of it right away.
My b/f and I have experimented with different lubes, they're not all the same, and we're going to try different condoms. The best lube so far has been ID. The non-latex were WAY worse because they're a little rougher than Trojan. I've heard Kimono is a good brand, so that's what we're going to try next.

__________________
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."
"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."
-Voltaire

Zeraph

You might want to check out Schneider's paper. Not sure if it applies to him or not.
http://www.jenniferschneider.com/art...disorders.html

It has some interesting things in it like the Assessment for Addictive Sexual Disorders if you answer 13 out of 25 yes then there's a 96% chance you are sexually addicted.

Sorry I can't summarize it more, its very long and Im very tired.

bing bing

May i suggest finding someone with a less ravenous sex drive? Or at least, someone a little more tolerant of your sexual desires, or lack thereof.

insidious_machinae

This message has been deleted.

sillygirl

LPM, even if you do switch to a different birth control, Depo has fucked you pretty bad already so don't expect a change on the flip of a coin.

nwl ~ I cannot believe that you're cool with aiding in your girl feeling like shit.


I want to say, without sounding like a total bitch, that you guys DEFINITELY need to get this worked out BEFORE getting married, because divorce and breakups SUCK. This is a workable situation, but LPM, you don't need to make yourself feel like shit, and you do NOT need to let him make you feel like shit either. Go to a doctor, TELL THEM SOMETHING IS WRONG.

It would also help both of you, I'm sure, to keep at least SOME of your private life details to yourselves instead of using the internet to try to fix things. Less stress for both of you.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

lukethebandgeek

You know, I had a situation like this with my gf. After a while, I just got fed up and told her that I wasn't going to view her as a sexual being (ie. try to get in her pants) until she could initiate sex with any degree of interest.

Funny thing, but she seemed to have snapped out of it pretty quick.

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Yes, band camp is all it's cracked up to be.

So I like Chrono... So what?

ShaniFaye

#1 the burning CAN come from the condoms.....anytime I use a condom thats latex I feel like somebody is holding a match up my hoohoo.

#2 I was 35 before I had an internal orgasm from fucking.....I could have them when getting fingered, but Dave was the first person that could do it from thrusting.

#3 Depo is severly going to inhibit your sex drive...it can make to the point where you dont even want to be touched...or so I've heard from other women....I'm luck that my BC doesnt affect my sex drive at all.

#4 I am small inside, very small...which dictates what positions we can do....I cant do doggie, I cant do sitting straight up, and missionary does nothing for giving me an internal (g-spot) orgasm. Have you tried experimenting with ALL the different positions?

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

little_tippler

I went to my gynecologist recently and finally was able to tell her that a lot of times I have sex, I feel that burning discomfort sensation - and it's always been like that. She told me that a majority of women feel this and don't talk about it. So at least rest assured that you're not alone. I still don't know what causes it exactly, altohugh she said it could be recurrent yeast infections, and also I have a small vagina. There's a thread in Ladies Lounge about yeast infections and what some of us extra-sensitive girls do to fight these symptoms. If you've had this feeling always, who can blame you for not enjoying sex? You shouldn't have to live with it. But it may be a complicated thing to sort out...also maybe a sexology consultation might help, even though it's just talking, it could help you get your sex life and relationship into perspective, and even provide you with advice on ways of minimising your discomfort, if all else fails. Rest assured also that here on TFP though we all love sex, we all have our own problems/hangups too. As for your boyfriend, he needs to change his attitude, obviously his pressure is doing you more harm than good, and that's a vicious cycle. Good luck with this...

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Leviathan[NCV]

You know, I really feel bad for both of you in this situation, and I'm rather dissapointed for all the crap people are giving nwlinkvxd. He's 20 years old, engaged to a woman he loves, and not only can he not get her to enjoy sex, in fact quite the opposite. I have to say I'd be frustrated beyond words ( and no pun intended there ).

la petite moi: I would doubt the depo is doing this to you... and all I can say is don't just find a doctor, but find one who's friendly and actually seems to care, and then explain the problem to him, you'd be surprised how much it can help. And, relax... things will take time, and most likely this problem won't last forever.

ShaniFaye

Leviathan why would you say the depo isnt contributing to the problem?

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Jim Kata

Get off the BC!!!! If you replace your names with me and my girls names...we would have the same story. Its the birth control. I'm willing to bet a lot on that. I don't see why girls dont understand that. If you don't get off of it, change it up at least.

It sounds like you two are going to be pretty miserable if you get married and this is still an issue. I believe he loves you, and you love him.....but it will drive him crazy which in turn will drive you crazy.

I'm 28 and still want it all the time. Still take care of myself anytime I get a chance. Things haven't changed from when I was 20.

Since my girlfriend doesn't realize how much her giving me sex once a month (if I'm lucky) is effecting our relationship, i'm going to a doctor and getting whatever they can prescribe to kill my libido.

la petite moi

nwlinkvxd told me last night "no more sex, period." It didn't "snap me out of it." This is not some joke I'm playing on him like a bitch or something.

PS: Everyone please read my last post, which states that I AM going to try getting off my current BC, and go on the nuvaring. ( I have to have some form of birth control because I'm taking accutane).

Dale Kemp

I've known several women, and a few men, who've had pain, or disfunction, or some other aversion reaction to sex, when they feel pressured, or stressed about it, or that their lover wants them mainly for sex. What can a lover do when their SO is having these sort of reactions?

Well, the good news is that enough cuddling love, without sexual pressure, will be helpful. The bad news is that it's a lot like dieting. You can't completely stop eating, but you have to learn to feel differently about food.

My guess would be that La Petite Moi has an inner feeling that she shouldn't be having sex before marraige; that her family would not approve or understand; or that having sex cheapens her. Whatever it may be, she has inner conflicts with being sexual. She probably doesn't known about them herself, at least not very clearly. But these conflicts cause her to feel pain, and other physical symptoms when she is sexual.

Her guy reacts in a typical male way, the harder it is to get, the harder he tries, ie. more is better. But that makes the situation for La Petite worse, not better.

I recommend you, nwlinkvxd, take a one month moratorium on sex, at least with each other, and just cuddle. Mostly, or exclusively non-sexual touching and absolutely no sexual pressure. You must show her that you love her, being with her, and would want to be with her even without any sex. And you need to show her until she knows that it's true.

La Petite, you need to contemplate, in a really deep way, what your inner feelings about being loved are, and what your inner feelings about being sexual are. I'm saying, I think your experiences indicate that you have not been true to how your really feel. So your body punishes you for acting false with yourself. A large part, and the essential part, of curing yourself, is to find out who you really are, and learn to be true to yourself.

If your man backs off, and gives you the space to just feel loved and cuddled, and does it long enough, you'll eventually begin to feel much more comfortable and confident about his love. As you feel more confident in being loved, you'll feel increased desire to express that love sexually.

But you have to build love first. This modern pattern of bed first and then see if a loving relationship develops, actually stymies both love and the deeper pleasures of sex. Not to mention what it does to the divorce rate. Our grandparents had some wisdom in their social behaviors. Nonsexual courting for a good while, to build affection and relationship, then a period of trying to remain pure until the wedding (many times they didn't succeed, but trying was a good thing) and a sexual relationship developing within the security and love of a lifetime commitment of marriage. It turns out that really good sex requires that deep trust and security of that kind of commitment. Is that what you'd really like? Maybe that's what your body is telling you?

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Trueheart

ironmaiden7o7

I am sorry but from reading what you posted so far, you are just being too negative about the whole thing, many of us wake up that early to go to work and school and still have time for our men. It shouldn't be an excuse. I am not trying to jump at you, but I want you to know that satisfying someone in a relationship is a very important thing and especially when you say that you don't like sex atall, it's more than obvious that the problem comes from you and not him. Try something new, you don't want to have sex, it hurts and you don't want to do oral, it hurts your jaw, can you think of something else that can drive him wild? If you can, then do it, and if not, get comfortable and tell yourself that you want this and you will make it happen. The more you have doubts about it, the more it will be difficult for you. Also, was your sex drive always this way? Good luck with this.

ironmaiden7o7

Is he large? Could that be the reason for the pain?

Rinndalir

edit because I can't spell, it's endometriosis and here's a link:
http://www.endometriosisassn.org/endo.html

Well you're trying to work it out, so that counts for alot. I've been in this situation before and yes it was VERY frustrating, but even more so because my ex was never interested in remedying it. Eventually I just gave up trying to get sex of any kind. It was a major factor in us finally breaking up.

Getting off the Depo should help in time, that stuff is about the worst form of hormonal birth control you can use, it has a list of side effects a mile long.

Have you been tested for endomitriosis? It is a very common problem in young women that often goes undiagnosed, they have to specifically test for it. Symptoms are the exact same as you described, painful sex, and sometimes pain when you're not doing it as well. Something like 1 in 4 or 5 women have it, but don't know it because they don't get tested for it, and its one of those things that only gets worse if left untreated. The pain intensifies and eventually it can impair your ability to get pregnant.

Good luck.

greeneyes

Ouch. A bit harsh, don't you think? A person gets on here, posts that they have a problem and are depressed from it, and your response is to jump down their throat and tell them to pretty much just get over it? Interesting.

And she is supposed to just tell herself to do it and what, that will make this all go away and she will enjoy it? I'm pretty sure the problem is a bit more deeply rooted than that.

Dale Kemp, excellent advice by the way. Been there and done that so I can say from experience it has the potential to help.

__________________
Put the blame on me
So you don't feel a thing

Go on and save yourself
Take it out on me

ratbastid

It wasn't always this way with you guys, was it? I remember right after LPM's 18th birthday, when she was reinstated on the site, you two were going at it all the time. It's only the last couple months you've been talking here about this issue. Was there pain back then, a year ago?

Look, it's not normal to have pain during intercourse. I promise you, he's not that big and you're not that small. (Funny, I'm not sure which of you to address here...)

nwlinkvxd: she needs to see a doctor about this. Penetration shouldn't hurt. It could be a sign of various sorts of trouble that could end up having life-long health reprecussions. Forget about your orgasms for a minute and think about the well-being of the woman you love. She doesn't seem inclined, so far, to actually HEAR medical advice from anybody, she'd rather complain about how she's screwed up. That makes her health and well-being YOURS to take care of. That's the deal when you're married or nearly married. Get her to the gyno, stat.

nowthen

have you guys considered that just maybe you are not compatible? i mean if you are already at this stage and only 19 and 20, not even married yet, well, doesnt really look good does it? and i am not talking about the sex thing really, just the different planets you seem to inhabit....

i actually had the same situation with my first girlfriend, hell we were going to get married, the whole lot, but then eventually we both realised we were too young, and above all, not good enough together to make it work in the long run. HURT LIKE HELL at the time, but now a good few years on i can see we both did the right thing and now are both happy in different relationships.

dont flame me, just throwing it out there...

__________________

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."

George Bernard Shaw

hossified

i'm in a similar situation....and all I can say for the female side...is to not worry so much about it, or feel like a let down. You're just adding more pressure on yourself and compounding the issue. I def. agree in trying a different form of BC.....or get your hormone levels checked by a doc (simple blodd test). For the guy, you know she feels abd about this, so try not to complain so much in her plain view. You gotta work with her on this. Vagina's are meant to stretch, so lots and lots of foreplay to get her vag ready, and maybe cause a little less pain. BOTH of you should maybe get more physical activity - male, to relieve some of the sexual pressure, and to use as an alternative autput to wacking it 3 times a day.....female - to relieve some stress, and get your blood pumping. Proper diet and excercise go miles in terms of getting rid of stress and making you fell better about yourself. One of the best ways to combat depression........

pig

I'm going to have a slightly different take on this, but one which I feel is essentially encapsulated in a lot of the advice y'all have received.

Chill Out

There's a lot going on - Petite sounds like she's got a lot of issues involving family, school, work, and linkx probably has some other issues as well. Add the "we're getting married" stuff, and it's a lot of stress. I know y'all want the problem solved, and let me add a double ditto to the "go see your ob/gyn - birth control is notorious for this type of thing, and i've seen it with previous friends/girlfiends/etc. In regards to the total situation, however, I would suggest backing down a little, try to relax, take deep breaths so on and so forth. If y'all are taking a break from sex, I would encourage you to try to see it as an opportunity to hang out and relax, stop and enjoy the place you're at in your lives, the fact you're alive, spring is almost here, etc - rather than view it as the "break from sex" such that the issue only intensifies, and a mountain becomes a really freaking huge mountain with serious potential for volcanic eruption, etc.

If it were me in the situation, i would tell myself to calm down and meditate on it a bit - you'll both still be there tomorrow, or in a month, etc - so what's the rush?

__________________
You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

skysooner

Sex is so much more than the physical thing. What makes sex really good for the woman is the spiritual connection. I saw a post the other day (not sure what board) that showed how Viagra affected women. They had physical symptoms of being horny but no mental symptoms. Needless to say, it was mostly emotional for them. Now there are some medications that can cause dryness, etc, and these should be checked out, but I'm guessing that stress is the culprit here. When either partner is stressed (about the relationship, about life, about work, etc.) it can deeply affect the way you react to each other. A few years ago my wife and I had gotten into a routine. We had a date night established once a week where we would sit down and watch a movie together. It usually ended up with sex. We were doing it other nights of the week as well, but this was a constant. What we figured out is that this "planned" sex just wasn't as good as the times when it just happened. Now we just do it when we feel like it. It is frequent and hot almost every single time (4 to 5 times a week after 14 years of marriage)

Nwlinkvxd may love you deeply, but the constant sex can be overwhelming to a young woman who is still learning her way. Both of you need to slow down a bit and learn about the art of romance and seduction. It will serve both of you well in the future. The best sex organ we have is the brain. Use it and both of you will be much happier.