Hitting on Lesbians... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Astrocloud · 02-12-2005, 09:27 AM

So there is a cute girl who works as a bartender in my town. I don't know her. Everyone who does know her assures me that she is a Lesbian. She has a butch haircut and a few facial piercings. She dresses relatively conservative. My theory is that she's only a Lesbian if she tells me that she is.

So I'm in the bar on Thursday night, drinking. I say something like "Can I have another beer beautiful?" -She pretends that she can't hear me. So then I say her name and tell her that she's beautiful and can I have another beer.

She gives me a beer on the house.

So what gives? Obviously I am going to keep this up until she says something -and Free Beer is Free Beer.

the_marq · 02-12-2005, 09:32 AM

Hey everyone likes to hear they are beautiful, even if it's from someone they wouldn't want to have sex with.

Now where exactly is this free beer bar?

f6twister · 02-12-2005, 09:55 AM

I agree. You should never assume anything until you get it as fact from that person. She may just like the look she has, it doesn't necessarily mean she is a lesbian. Keep it up and see where it goes. Sure, she may tell you that you are not her type but a least you heard it from her. I wouldn't risk losing a relationship based on a rumor.

Sweetpea · 02-12-2005, 10:19 AM

She was probably amused that you said you found her beautiful . . . even a lesbian woman is not immune to hearing she is beautiful!

And were you actually hittting on her??

As to the free beer . . . that's awesome . . . i want some.

Church · 02-12-2005, 10:29 AM

Plus you have to remember that a bartender's job is to sell you drinks. If that means leading you on to get you back into the bar, then that's probably what she's doing.

paddyjoe · 02-12-2005, 10:58 AM

And to think Astrocloud, all this time I thought you were a lesbian. Jeez.....

Squishor · 02-12-2005, 11:02 AM

There could be many reasons why she gave you that beer on the house, including guilt for having pretended not to hear you the first time. No offense, but if a guy calls me by something other than my name, sometimes it rubs me the wrong way, no matter whether the name was a compliment or not. I'm not trying to stir up a big debate about that, just saying that I could imagine a scenario where she didn't respond because she was a little put off, then realized that she needed to remember she was a bartender after all.

You never know what's going on in people's minds. I've learned after many, many experiences that when it's "sex" in a man's mind, it could be any number of other things in the woman's mind.

Lockjaw · 02-12-2005, 12:09 PM

Hey at least you kind of suspect she might be a lesbian.

Three years back at my old job I had an absolutely beautiful girl sitting in the cubicle across from me. We would talk occassionaly and she seemed nice enough so one day I ambled over and asked her out. And while I'm forming the words I notice things I had never noticed before. A rainbow flag was the wallpaper on her computer,a picture of another woman was in one of those little heart shaped frames next to her phone, and my eyes went from sly comehither to buck eyed and blurry in half a second. She noticed that I had just realized she was lesbian and was asking her out she laughed said no and I skulked off to the bathroom to curse myself.

Thankfully she quit about a month after that or else I don't think I would have ever lived that down.

Blackthorn · 02-12-2005, 04:18 PM

Three cheers for free beers! And hey if you get to pay the nice lady a compliment in the process ... who cares who she sleeps with?

StanT · 02-12-2005, 04:34 PM

Cute bartenders get hit on regularly, give it your best shot. Don't be surprised if she has a snappy comeback to every line you try.

Lebell · 02-12-2005, 04:52 PM

I hit on a lesbian friend once...I was so green I didn't recognize the signs for what they were.

It was very VERY akward.

NCB · 02-12-2005, 05:47 PM

Play your cards right and you could end up meeting some of her friends

Fly · 02-13-2005, 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paddyjoe

And to think Astrocloud, all this time I thought you were a lesbian. Jeez.....

Bwwahahhhahhaaa.........good one joe.

see Astro...........we're on to you (wo)man

Charlatan · 02-13-2005, 08:49 AM

Ask her out... what's the worst thing that can happen? She'll tell you she's not into guys...

On the upside:

a) she turns out to be bi and into you...
b) she is straight and everyone else has been selling her short.

Val_1 · 02-13-2005, 09:34 AM

I was at a party last year and there was this girl i thought was cute. Everyone told me not to bother asking her out because she was a lesbian. Well, I did anyway, and was successful. I got her number and we went out a couple of times. Turned out she was bi. So, the moral of the story is .... go for it. Plus, she can hook you up with free beer!

thespian86 · 02-13-2005, 02:05 PM

drop it into a conversation, like this perhaps:

You:Busy tonight?

Her:Yes, it always picks up around 9

You: Thats what I figured. Speaking of picking up though, do you like women?

Thats the classy way

ironmaiden7o7 · 02-13-2005, 09:00 PM

I've noticed that bartenders are extremely friendly, you have to have a certain personality to work in such an environment, I am sure she gets hit on all the time by every walking pants that goes in that bar, and this is something that she is used to. We all love compliments, I am sure she was flattered with that 'beautiful' compliment, hey you got a free beer afterall! :-)

Also, it doesn't hurt to try your luck, you can try inching yourself little by little until she starts noticing you, and then you two will refer eachother by first name basis, hehe, (wishful thinking) maybe she is strickly reserved and doesn't mess with the guys where she works, that could be a reason why people would think she's a lesbian. Ya never know.

MSD · 02-13-2005, 09:07 PM

A lot of "she's a lesbian" remarks I've heard were from bitter guys who didn't want to accept that she wasn't interested in them. Same goes for girls talking about guys, except that they seem to be more vicious when they want to start rumors.

OPgary · 02-14-2005, 08:44 AM

As soon as some one says "She's a lesbian" I immediately ask myself how they know. If the girl tells me outright Ok I believe it!. Too many guys get turned down and are pissed off they didn't score. We have a young lady at our post who is presumed to be a lesbian. Some one was rude enough to ask her outright one evening. She never said yes or no. I apologised to her for the man's rudeness and said i liked her either way, which is true. We talked a while and she opened somewhat to me. She isn't a lesbian, but she is very man-shy due to her past. She could be bi, but like I said I like her any which way! She's okay by me!

Astrocloud · 02-15-2005, 04:25 PM

Wow, there are a lot of great responses here. I should point out that by giving me free beer -she is in fact breaking the law. It used to be that a bartender could give you a free beer for anything -these days it can lose a liquor license.

Anyways, I will see her again on Thursday (karaoke night) and report back here with any new stuff. I should also report that inadvertently -I seem to be hitting on a lot of bartenders lately. Maybe it's the whole 'they have the power of the tap' thing....

*Nikki* · 02-15-2005, 04:31 PM

Since when does short hair and facial piercings mean lesbian??

That would be like saying every well dressed man is gay.

K-Wise · 02-15-2005, 04:38 PM

Hope this don't turn into a Chasing Amy thing. Good luck man!

Asta!!

spindles · 02-15-2005, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Astrocloud

Anyways, I will see her again on Thursday (karaoke night) and report back here with any new stuff. I should also report that inadvertently -I seem to be hitting on a lot of bartenders lately. Maybe it's the whole 'they have the power of the tap' thing....

or maybe you are spending too much time in bars

JumpinJesus · 02-15-2005, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Nikki*

Since when does short hair and facial piercings mean lesbian??

I agree. It's only true if she's also wearing Birkenstocks and listening to Ani DiFranco.

I dress well and I'm not gay, yet I would often get hit on by gay men. I kept asking my friends why they would think I was gay. "Well, you're in a gay bar," is what they would always say.

El Kaz · 02-15-2005, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JumpinJesus

"Well, you're in a gay bar," is what they would always say.

I love punchlines where I don't expect them, thanks for the laugh

Willravel · 02-15-2005, 07:41 PM

Ask her if she'd rather see the London Symphony play Maurice Ravel's "Bolero", or if she'd want to go to a strip club and meet "Angelica". Or, you could ignore stereotypes and just be nice to her and see where it goes. Up to you. I'd go with option 2.

firestormo · 02-18-2005, 11:58 AM

I agree with most of the statements here.. for hitting on a woman that you do not know is les or bi or straight.. any of them.. you never know until you ask. Just hit on them like you normally would and see what happens.. as people before have said.. you may get lucky and get introcuded to her friends also.

Astrocloud · 02-18-2005, 12:10 PM

Nothing to report yet. I didn't get paid and didnt want to go out 'expecting' free beer. I will get paid by Monday. (If I don't fritter it away on taxes and rent -I will try to see her then).

Janey · 02-18-2005, 12:15 PM

[QUOTE=JumpinJesus]I agree. It's only true if she's also wearing Birkenstocks and listening to Ani DiFranco.

QUOTE]

as in the DiFranco family????

I've hit on a lesbian before. Well, it was a mutual attraction thing/fling in university...

firestormo · 02-18-2005, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Astrocloud

Nothing to report yet. I didn't get paid and didnt want to go out 'expecting' free beer. I will get paid by Monday. (If I don't fritter it away on taxes and rent -I will try to see her then).

Now why is that nothing to report? Beer costs that much money where you are? Thats why I say forget it and move overseas where the beer is 50 cents a bottle and there are lesbians a plenty (God loves Thailand and so do I)

Astrocloud · 02-27-2005, 08:54 AM

Okay I went there on Thursday. She seems interested in me until my lips move.

No seriously, unless I'm flirting with her she seems completely bored. I tried to talk to her and she seemed completely bored. I guess my discussion about music (she likes Joan Jett) wasn't as interesting as the cute lesbian chicks discussion down the bar.

Or perhaps her interest in me wanes with the monthly hormones.

-Oh whatever.

02-12-2005, 09:27 AM	#1 (permalink)
Astrocloud Apocalypse Nerd	Hitting on Lesbians... So there is a cute girl who works as a bartender in my town. I don't know her. Everyone who does know her assures me that she is a Lesbian. She has a butch haircut and a few facial piercings. She dresses relatively conservative. My theory is that she's only a Lesbian if she tells me that she is. So I'm in the bar on Thursday night, drinking. I say something like "Can I have another beer beautiful?" -She pretends that she can't hear me. So then I say her name and tell her that she's beautiful and can I have another beer. She gives me a beer on the house. So what gives? Obviously I am going to keep this up until she says something -and Free Beer is Free Beer.

02-12-2005, 09:32 AM	#2 (permalink)
the_marq All hail the Mountain King Location: Black Mesa	Hey everyone likes to hear they are beautiful, even if it's from someone they wouldn't want to have sex with. Now where exactly is this free beer bar? __________________ The Truth: Johnny Cash could have kicked Bruce Lee's ass if he wanted to. #3 in a series

02-12-2005, 09:55 AM	#3 (permalink)
f6twister Addict	I agree. You should never assume anything until you get it as fact from that person. She may just like the look she has, it doesn't necessarily mean she is a lesbian. Keep it up and see where it goes. Sure, she may tell you that you are not her type but a least you heard it from her. I wouldn't risk losing a relationship based on a rumor. __________________ A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

02-12-2005, 10:19 AM	#4 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	She was probably amused that you said you found her beautiful . . . even a lesbian woman is not immune to hearing she is beautiful! And were you actually hittting on her?? As to the free beer . . . that's awesome . . . i want some. __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

02-12-2005, 10:29 AM	#5 (permalink)
Church Tilted F*ckhead Location: New Jersey	Plus you have to remember that a bartender's job is to sell you drinks. If that means leading you on to get you back into the bar, then that's probably what she's doing. __________________ Through counter-intelligence, it should be possible to pinpoint potential trouble makers, and neutralize them.

02-12-2005, 10:58 AM	#6 (permalink)
paddyjoe through charlatans phone Location: Northcoast	And to think Astrocloud, all this time I thought you were a lesbian. Jeez.....

02-12-2005, 11:02 AM	#7 (permalink)
Squishor Frontal Lobe Location: California	There could be many reasons why she gave you that beer on the house, including guilt for having pretended not to hear you the first time. No offense, but if a guy calls me by something other than my name, sometimes it rubs me the wrong way, no matter whether the name was a compliment or not. I'm not trying to stir up a big debate about that, just saying that I could imagine a scenario where she didn't respond because she was a little put off, then realized that she needed to remember she was a bartender after all. You never know what's going on in people's minds. I've learned after many, many experiences that when it's "sex" in a man's mind, it could be any number of other things in the woman's mind.

02-12-2005, 12:09 PM	#8 (permalink)
Lockjaw Junkie	Hey at least you kind of suspect she might be a lesbian. Three years back at my old job I had an absolutely beautiful girl sitting in the cubicle across from me. We would talk occassionaly and she seemed nice enough so one day I ambled over and asked her out. And while I'm forming the words I notice things I had never noticed before. A rainbow flag was the wallpaper on her computer,a picture of another woman was in one of those little heart shaped frames next to her phone, and my eyes went from sly comehither to buck eyed and blurry in half a second. She noticed that I had just realized she was lesbian and was asking her out she laughed said no and I skulked off to the bathroom to curse myself. Thankfully she quit about a month after that or else I don't think I would have ever lived that down.

02-12-2005, 04:18 PM	#9 (permalink)
Blackthorn Beware the Mad Irish Location: Wish I was on the N17...	Three cheers for free beers! And hey if you get to pay the nice lady a compliment in the process ... who cares who she sleeps with? __________________ What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?

02-12-2005, 04:34 PM	#10 (permalink)
StanT © Location: Colorado	Cute bartenders get hit on regularly, give it your best shot. Don't be surprised if she has a snappy comeback to every line you try.

02-12-2005, 04:52 PM	#11 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	I hit on a lesbian friend once...I was so green I didn't recognize the signs for what they were. It was very VERY akward. __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

02-12-2005, 05:47 PM	#12 (permalink)
NCB Junkie Location: Tobacco Road	Play your cards right and you could end up meeting some of her friends

02-13-2005, 08:49 AM	#14 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Ask her out... what's the worst thing that can happen? She'll tell you she's not into guys... On the upside: a) she turns out to be bi and into you... b) she is straight and everyone else has been selling her short. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

02-13-2005, 09:34 AM	#15 (permalink)
Val_1 Addict Location: In a State of Denial	I was at a party last year and there was this girl i thought was cute. Everyone told me not to bother asking her out because she was a lesbian. Well, I did anyway, and was successful. I got her number and we went out a couple of times. Turned out she was bi. So, the moral of the story is .... go for it. Plus, she can hook you up with free beer! __________________ I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. -Frank Sinatra

02-13-2005, 02:05 PM	#16 (permalink)
thespian86 change is hard. Location: the green room.	drop it into a conversation, like this perhaps: You:Busy tonight? Her:Yes, it always picks up around 9 You: Thats what I figured. Speaking of picking up though, do you like women? Thats the classy way __________________ EX: Whats new? ME: I officially love coffee more then you now. EX: uh... ME: So, not much.

02-13-2005, 09:00 PM	#17 (permalink)
ironmaiden7o7 Insane Location: NYC	I've noticed that bartenders are extremely friendly, you have to have a certain personality to work in such an environment, I am sure she gets hit on all the time by every walking pants that goes in that bar, and this is something that she is used to. We all love compliments, I am sure she was flattered with that 'beautiful' compliment, hey you got a free beer afterall! :-) Also, it doesn't hurt to try your luck, you can try inching yourself little by little until she starts noticing you, and then you two will refer eachother by first name basis, hehe, (wishful thinking) maybe she is strickly reserved and doesn't mess with the guys where she works, that could be a reason why people would think she's a lesbian. Ya never know.

02-13-2005, 09:07 PM	#18 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	A lot of "she's a lesbian" remarks I've heard were from bitter guys who didn't want to accept that she wasn't interested in them. Same goes for girls talking about guys, except that they seem to be more vicious when they want to start rumors.

02-14-2005, 08:44 AM	#19 (permalink)
OPgary Tilted	As soon as some one says "She's a lesbian" I immediately ask myself how they know. If the girl tells me outright Ok I believe it!. Too many guys get turned down and are pissed off they didn't score. We have a young lady at our post who is presumed to be a lesbian. Some one was rude enough to ask her outright one evening. She never said yes or no. I apologised to her for the man's rudeness and said i liked her either way, which is true. We talked a while and she opened somewhat to me. She isn't a lesbian, but she is very man-shy due to her past. She could be bi, but like I said I like her any which way! She's okay by me!

02-15-2005, 04:25 PM	#20 (permalink)
Astrocloud Apocalypse Nerd	Wow, there are a lot of great responses here. I should point out that by giving me free beer -she is in fact breaking the law. It used to be that a bartender could give you a free beer for anything -these days it can lose a liquor license. Anyways, I will see her again on Thursday (karaoke night) and report back here with any new stuff. I should also report that inadvertently -I seem to be hitting on a lot of bartenders lately. Maybe it's the whole 'they have the power of the tap' thing....

02-15-2005, 04:31 PM	#21 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	Since when does short hair and facial piercings mean lesbian?? That would be like saying every well dressed man is gay.

02-15-2005, 04:38 PM	#22 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	Hope this don't turn into a Chasing Amy thing. Good luck man! Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

02-15-2005, 07:41 PM	#26 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Ask her if she'd rather see the London Symphony play Maurice Ravel's "Bolero", or if she'd want to go to a strip club and meet "Angelica". Or, you could ignore stereotypes and just be nice to her and see where it goes. Up to you. I'd go with option 2.

02-18-2005, 11:58 AM	#27 (permalink)
firestormo Upright Location: Los Angeles, CA	I agree with most of the statements here.. for hitting on a woman that you do not know is les or bi or straight.. any of them.. you never know until you ask. Just hit on them like you normally would and see what happens.. as people before have said.. you may get lucky and get introcuded to her friends also. __________________ --Fire

02-18-2005, 12:10 PM	#28 (permalink)
Astrocloud Apocalypse Nerd	Nothing to report yet. I didn't get paid and didnt want to go out 'expecting' free beer. I will get paid by Monday. (If I don't fritter it away on taxes and rent -I will try to see her then).

02-18-2005, 12:15 PM	#29 (permalink)
Janey Junkie Location: Toronto	[QUOTE=JumpinJesus]I agree. It's only true if she's also wearing Birkenstocks and listening to Ani DiFranco. QUOTE] as in the DiFranco family???? I've hit on a lesbian before. Well, it was a mutual attraction thing/fling in university...

02-27-2005, 08:54 AM	#31 (permalink)
Astrocloud Apocalypse Nerd	Okay I went there on Thursday. She seems interested in me until my lips move. No seriously, unless I'm flirting with her she seems completely bored. I tried to talk to her and she seemed completely bored. I guess my discussion about music (she likes Joan Jett) wasn't as interesting as the cute lesbian chicks discussion down the bar. Or perhaps her interest in me wanes with the monthly hormones. -Oh whatever.